[neuropilot]

Hi there,

I'll try to keep this quick...

My girlfriend of 1.5 yrs is a bisexual and broke up with me 2 months ago when she started having feelings for one of her girl friends. Before this we had an amazing relationship and never had any problems. This friend had shown sexual interest in her and she wanted to pursue it. I was gutted and couldn't quite believe what was happening. I went into denial and spent the next week with her officially just "as friends" but doing all the things we would did as a couple. She maintained that she didn't want to feel trapped in a relationship. I believe she is confused about her sexuality.

After a week of this she decided she wanted to go and spend some time with her friends (including the one she was interested in). This killed me and I went through a period of emotional breakdown, hardly eating or sleeping for a week, I was in bad shape. She was away for 2 weeks, during which time she would call me every now and then to say she loved me/wanted to be with me, only to change her mind again the next day.

Finally, she decided she did Definitely want to be with me and I arranged to go and see her. I had never been so happy. Unfortunately, I stepped off the train only for her to say she "didnt feel anything" and wanted to be "just friends". This was a tipping point for me and I struggled to cope. I spent a week of being suicidal and harming myself. This is not something I would ever normally do and looking back I can't believe I did.

Anyway, I came home and decided to move on and go NC. Unfortuantely it was my birthday weekend and she was invited to my party. I thought this might not be bad and I could use it to get closure. She arrived at my party and decided to spend the first hour texting/calling her "friend". Later she revealed she had kissed this friend and also another boy during a night out the previous evening. This was not the best birthday I've had.

After this I began NC but made the mistake of asking her to go for a walk later that week. She agreed and we ended up spending the week together. We got close again and she decided she wanted to be serious with me... and as usual, felt differently the next morning.. again. At this point it seemed as though she loved me but didn't feel attracted to me (perhaps because she is gay). I left, learnt from my mistake about ending NC and tried to move on.

We had NC for a week and half. She then text me asking to go and see her. I said no saying I didn't want to get hurt again. She then text me the following night asking again. Again, I said no. This time she got really annoyed and accused me of being "rude" and "mean".. and that I have a responsbility to "care for her" after "feeling the way I did"...

My situation is complciated by the fact that we are both studying at uni and we will be living together in October. We have both signed contracts so can't really move out. She says she is fine with this (of course she is! ).. but I am worried I will struggle to cope if she starts seeing someone else :(.

My question is, did I do the right thing... should I have gone to see her?. I think she is trying to keep me in the palm of her hand but she may have wanted to talk about getting back together. She has hurt me so badly but I love her and want her back.

Thanks for reading, sorry for it being a bit long.
:)

[N0help4u]

My girlfriend of 1.5 yrs is a bisexual and broke up with me 2 months ago
**That makes her NOT your girlfriend

She maintained that she didn't want to feel trapped in a relationship. I believe she is confused about her sexuality.

**More than likely because she doesn't want to accept that she prefers girls over guys and has her fond memories of you that she knows she is leaving behind but
She most likely feels that she has to go with her REAL feelings.

This killed me and I went through a period of emotional breakdown, hardly eating or sleeping for a week, I was in bad shape. She was away for 2 weeks, during which time she would call me every now and then to say she loved me/wanted to be with me, only to change her mind again the next day.

**She had a great time while you were allowing yourself to suffer.
Again she is in conflict because it is hard for her to give up what she had but she probably feels she can't live a lie trying to conform to preferring guys.

Finally, she decided she did Definitely want to be with me and I arranged to go and see her. I had never been so happy. Unfortunately, I stepped off the train only for her to say she "didnt feel anything" and wanted to be "just friends". This was a tipping point for me and I struggled to cope. I spent a week of being suicidal and harming myself. This is not something I would ever normally do and looking back I can't believe I did.

**So you keep letting her treat you like a yo-yo at her every whim when she doesn't concern herself about your feelings. You need to pull yourself together and realize it is not healthy to be so codependent on somebody that doesn't respect your hurts enough to not play these on again off again games with your head and your heart.

Anyway, I came home and decided to move on and go NC. Unfortuantely it was my birthday weekend and she was invited to my party. I thought this might not be bad and I could use it to get closure. She arrived at my party and decided to spend the first hour texting/calling her "friend". Later she revealed she had kissed this friend and also another boy during a night out the previous evening. This was not the best birthday I've had.

**Forget closure and forget excuses to see her, IT AIN'T going to work. Often seeking closure is only an excuse to prolong and keep false hope.

After this I began NC but made the mistake of asking her to go for a walk later that week. She agreed and we ended up spending the week together. We got close again and she decided she wanted to be serious with me... and as usual, felt differently the next morning.. again. At this point it seemed as though she loved me but didn't feel attracted to me (perhaps because she is gay). I left, learnt from my mistake about ending NC and tried to move on.

**When are you going to learn??

We had NC for a week and half. She then text me asking to go and see her. I said no saying I didn't want to get hurt again. She then text me the following night asking again. Again, I said no. This time she got really annoyed and accused me of being "rude" and "mean".. and that I have a responsbility to "care for her" after "feeling the way I did"...

**She has a lot of nerve calling you rude. She is using words to manipulate you,
She wants her cake and eat it too. Why be her doormat and be used and abused this way?

My situation is complciated by the fact that we are both studying at uni and we will be living together in October. We have both signed contracts so can't really move out. She says she is fine with this (of course she is! ).. but I am worried I will struggle to cope if she starts seeing someone else :(.

**There must be something you can do. Generally if you can find another roommate that would get one of you out of the lease.

My question is, did I do the right thing... should I have gone to see her?. I think she is trying to keep me in the palm of her hand but she may have wanted to talk about getting back together. She has hurt me so badly but I love her and want her back.

**Did you do the right thing? Not when you keep finding excuses to see her.
Yes she wants you under the palm of her hand AND she is playing word games and other games to keep you biting at the bait.

**Most people that have a relationship Love the person no matter how much they are abused
She IS controlling your strings. You are enabling her.

**Read this and maybe it will help.
Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving an Abuser

Also read up on co dependency

[asking]

My question is, did I do the right thing...should I have gone to see her?

You did the right thing. You are not obligated to jump every time she snaps her calls. You definitely need to go NC with her. This relationship is hurting you terribly.

Also, I don't agree that there is nothing you can do about living with her. You may have to pay some fine to get out of your contract, but no one can force you to live with another person. It would be really bad for your mental health to live with her. Please get out of that contract asap. I think you are only giving into the idea because you hope you can resurrect the relationship once you are living together. Please don't count on that. Get out of the contract and find another place to live. The rest is her problem.

[cochise7969]

You need to learn how to be a jerk like me! I know at first its hard and you might feel bad afterward especially with some of the things I've done but it's all about getting the girl in the end and that's all that matters.

[N0help4u]

He sure doesn't need her!!
She won't change for the better