[Wonder1984]

Yes we do and yes I will and a´have learnt a lot from this.
Thank you so much guys and girls! :)
Specially that last comment by "valinors_sorrow".
Really really cleard things up for me... thanx! :)

Just one last thing though :P
Now that I will delete her from my cellphone, MSN etc.
Won't she be offended by this?

[valinors_sorrow]

SImple answer to that Wonder

If she isn't, who cares, its over.
If she is, who cares, its over.

The ONLY reason I could see for keeping it is so you know its her if and when she calls so you can AVOID answering it.
In your case, you have to ask yourself if you have that kind of discipline. If not then delete it and if she calls, oh well.

Either way, you need to avoid talking to her so do what supports that and to H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS with her, okay?

[Wonder1984]

Ohh I have discipline... if anyone does...
I just have to tell myself to do it... ill do what ever is needed to be done.

Okay but why is it so important for me not to talk to here if it is over?
You men for myself being... asin being able to move on and starting a new life?
Because then it would be great if I could be friends with her later in my life...
She is after all a great person...


Thanks!

[valinors_sorrow]

You'll have lots of great friends, Wonder.

Besides, I think its human nature that unless there is a big exterior motive like children or mutual employment, most people are not capable of setting aside enough of what happened to make friendship really possible. It totally denies the sense of hurt, disappointment and loss that stays with you for a far longer time than you might realise -- it just gets more and more muted. At best we seem to strike a kind of oddly once-intimate but now distant or guarded acquaintanceship with each other as ex's. And that's a long way from friendship, in my book. That and most people, I think, decide that this is someone who got to their heart, it didn't work out and it never will. Another shot at it will make the same outcome, so that makes a lot of motive for guarding their hearts too. Friends are not people you have good reason to guard your heart from. This in not to say an ex is an enemy nor should they be treated badly. Trashing an ex is an copperplate engraved invitation to bad karma LOL. Its just there are friends, there are lovers and well, there are ex's. Capice?

[Wildcat21]

I just don't think it's a good idea to stay in touch - I bet $1 million you would be hurt if you saw her with another guy.

It's awkward - espcially if you have feelings for her.

[talaniman]

It sounds as if there are some things from this relationship that you wish to hold on to. That's understandable. Let go though so that you may have a chance to evaluate and get over this relatonship. The fact that you don't want to offend her and remain a friend is cool but now is the time to think of you, so no contact and let the chips fall where they may for the future.

[rol]

Hmm as a girl replying I would like to suggest another approach.I was going to suggest it to Skell yesterday but had no time.. But as ye are the relationship experts perhaps ye disagree!!

If you tell her you don't want the present she is going to think that you are still harbouring resentment against her for breaking up. Well this is not what you want right?
You are ready to move on but you would like her back, right?

So she needs to see a happy you. She needs to see you happy without her who is totally over the break up. Maybe men are not so good at pretending ;-) but Tell her oh well that's life , its probbaly for the best, we were not meant for each other, lets be friends. Else mention some other girls name. I tell you women react to jealousy or aloofness like nothing else. She will see you as moving on and not caring about her and I bet that will get her coming back.

Of course I have not read your reasons for the breakup so maybe there are other issues that need to be addressed first.

[talaniman]

Of course I have not read your reasons for the breakup so maybe there are other issues that need to be addressed first.

Just me , but I have to read the entire thread before bringing forth an opinion. You must be pretty good to just jump in with advice without the facts. Hats off to ye

[Skell]

You'll have lots of great friends, Wonder.

Besides, I think its human nature that unless there is a big exterior motive like children or mutual employment, most people are not capable of setting aside enough of what happened to make friendship really possible. It totally denies the sense of hurt, disappointment and loss that stays with you for a far longer time than you might realise -- it just gets more and more muted. At best we seem to strike a kind of oddly once-intimate but now distant or guarded acquaintanceship with each other as ex's. And that's a long way from friendship, in my book. That and most people, I think, decide that this is someone who got to their heart, it didn't work out and it never will. Another shot at it will make the same outcome, so that makes a lot of motive for guarding their hearts too. Friends are not people you have good reason to guard your heart from. This in not to say an ex is an enemy nor should they be treated badly. Trashing an ex is an copperplate engraved invitation to bad karma LOL. Its just there are friends, there are lovers and well, there are ex's. Capice?

This post is so so true. Everything you described here Val is just so right. I am feeling them now. Im in the moment and can tell you wonder that this is exactly right.

Friendship is pretty much out of the question.

You'll work it out and you will both find a position where you are comfortable in the future.

[Wonder1984]

Thank you all for your extrem kindness and will to help!
I love you guys! More off you on this earth!

Here is what I discided to do...
I will take her present... as a sign of that I am not an .
Other than that I will delete her from my life...
But as rol said... I will not just Totally rejekt her from my life...
That would just take away a great person from my life...
So now I will just speak as little as possible to her and when I do see her
Ill just say (as rol said) that it is what it is now... just didn't work out... that's the way it is... ohh welll...


One question again though... If she comes up to me while I'm home or what vere and asks
Why don't you ever talk to me or take contact with me?

What should I say then?

[Skell]

Why are you worrying about all this stuff that is totally out of your control?

Deal with it IF it ever happens.

Tell her the truth. And that is because you've moved on and have a busy and exciting life and didn't give it a thought.. Besides she hasn't contacted you. It's a two way street.

Now wouldn't that be a nice feeling to have. I suggest you work towards being able to say that to her.

You won't though if you keep wondering about all this cr@p.

I have to say too. I don't see the point in taking her a present. Why?

If she thinks your some sort of monster because you didn't well that is her problem. Not yours.

I don't think it is sinking in to you wonder. I really don't!

[valinors_sorrow]

One question again though.... If she comes up to me while im home or what vere and asks
Why dont you ever talk to me or take contact with me?

What should I say then?

What would you say to a slightly pesky cousin that you don't really feel comfortable around? Say that.

[rol]

<<Just me , but I have to read the entire thread before bringing forth an opinion. You must be pretty good to just jump in with advice without the facts. Hats off to ye
>>

HA HA, well he took my advice after all so it must not have been so bad ;-)
Actually I meant I skimmed through the thread , and saw she broke up because of distance but didn't see any other reason.

If she calls eventually and asks why you didn't call her, tell her you have been very busy. No need to explain further.
You sound like a nice guy, it's a pity as women in the 20s do not like nice guys, I know from experience... however after she goes out in the dating world and gets stung from all those non nice guys out there , she may soon be in contact again, that's why I say if you like her leave the door kind of open... but of course you may well have found someone else by then..