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jayandrhonda · Jul 24, 2009, 07:30 AM

I am 19 and my ex girlfriend told me in October that she had a miscarriage. So we broke up. The only reason I was with her was for the baby. Im now engaged to a wonderful woman who stays by my side for anything and everything. On April 21st, we got a phone call saying that my ex's baby was born on March 21st. And she sent us pictures of this little baby that looked mexicacn of her holding him and she has some mexican in her. And so I wasn't sure but I fell for it. My fiancé called around to my family and her boyfriend and he sayd that there was no baby. Then later she called me (right when we were getting our normal peaceful life back) And said that that was just a test to see how I would react. And that there really is a baby. My fiancé is in tears a lot, she can't handle people that lie to her and mess with her emotions. And I want to know if I really am a daddy and if I am then I want custody cause my ex's boyfriend is abusive and I don't want my child growing up in that. But I don't want to have to pay so much money just to find out that my ex was just messing with my head... What should I do??

:confused:
Jay and Rhonda

excon · Jul 24, 2009, 07:36 AM

Originally Posted by jayandrhonda

What should I do???

Hello j & r:

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could solve ALL our problems for free?? But, THIS ain't one that's going to turn out that way...

You should hire a LAWYER, and you should do it TODAY.

excon

N0help4u · Jul 24, 2009, 07:38 AM

You ignore her until you get a court order for a paternity test. If she is for real that is what she will do.
Right now it seems like she is doing nothing more than harassing and intimidating you with most likely lies.

As ex said prepare yourself with a lawyer (even if you don't retain one at least consult one) and tell her "Quit calling. Take it to court".

****Your name is not on any birth certificate so she can not get one red cent out of you until she takes you to court
**unless you fall for her crap and let her take advantage of you.

ANB428 · Jul 24, 2009, 08:12 AM

I agree with the previous posts. You need to wait until she takes it to court. Before she can get any money out of you for the child is to take you to court and have paternity established. I am assuming that you haven't seen the baby in person and that you haven't signed the birth certificate.

Just remember not to sign a birth certificate until paternity is established. If you do and the child is not yours I believe that you will have to support that child anyway. That is what I have been told anyway.

Don't let your ex mess with your head. And assure your fiancé of what you have learned on this board so she is aware of what is going on.

If the child is yours, then you will have to hire a lawyer to try to get custody of the child. You will have to also prove that the mother of the child is unfit. Unless you can do that, or she gives your custody, then I doubt that you will be granted custody.

N0help4u · Jul 24, 2009, 08:15 AM

He could only file to get custody if he can prove she is abusive or negligent otherwise he could get joint custody.
I am betting there is no baby though because of the game playing she is doing.
I think she is playing the game hoping to extort money out of him for a baby that does not exist.

Synnen · Jul 24, 2009, 08:18 AM

One point I'd like to make is that if he wants to have a RELATIONSHIP with his child, then waiting is not good advice.

Getting a lawyer IS good advice.

You don't mention what state you are in, but find out if your state has a putative child registry. If it does, and you don't get on it, then you might never find out because she can have your parental rights terminated without notifying you.

As was said--get a lawyer. The money now is worth not paying the money and having the headache later.

cdad · Jul 24, 2009, 02:39 PM

First off. Stop with the games and your ex. See a lawyer and you might find one to draft a letter to her stating copies of the birth certificate are needed. If nothing happens you can file in court. Then she would HAVE to produce the paperwork. If she does produce one then file in court for DNA and visitation as well as support.

s_cianci · Jul 24, 2009, 03:05 PM

Like it or not, you're going to be forking out some $$, even if it's just for the DNA test to prove (or disprove) your paternity. Figure on circa $200 for that. And if you are the dad, you're looking at 18+ years of child support on top of that.

s_cianci · Jul 24, 2009, 03:06 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

You ignore her until you get a court order for a paternity test. If she is for real that is what she will do.
Right now it seems like she is doing nothing more than harassing and intimidating you with most likely lies.

As ex said prepare yourself with a lawyer (even if you don't retain one at least consult one) and tell her "Quit calling. Take it to court".

****Your name is not on any birth certificate so she can not get one red cent out of you until she takes you to court
**unless you fall for her crap and let her take advantage of you.

Had to spread it but this is your answer. Tell her to "tell it to the judge."

ANB428 · Jul 24, 2009, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

Like it or not, you're going to be forking out some $$, even if it's just for the DNA test to prove (or disprove) your paternity. Figure on circa $200 for that. And if you are the dad, you're looking at 18+ years of child support on top of that.

No necessarily. My brother's wife got a free DNA test provided through the state with her child she had before my brother's.

And he knows that he will have to pay child support, he isn't denying that.

N0help4u · Jul 24, 2009, 03:13 PM

Yeah it depends he may not have to pay.
Of course there's always the Maury show
Maury says It is your baby --off to court
Maury says Its not your baby---end of story

At any rate I think that telling her that he doesn't want to hear it take it to court will back her off because I bet she didn't even have a baby.

twinkiedooter · Jul 24, 2009, 03:23 PM

Just a thought here. If you know what county the baby was born in you can go to the County Clerk's office and ask them if there was a birth certificate issued for a baby born to your exgirfriend. You know the date but not the first name of the child. Since this is public information, you could find out if in fact there actually is or is not a child. It may be worth a drive to get this information yourself and take the guess work out of "is there a kid or isn't there a kid" and save yourself an attorney's fee as well. For the price of a few gallons of gas I'd be in my car and at the Clerk's window asking this question myself.

This way if there is no such kid at least you and your new lady will have some peace of mind and you can change your phone number and forget the game player and go on and live your life knowing that she was just a crappy game player all along and thank goodness you didn't fall for her baloney.

s_cianci · Jul 24, 2009, 03:23 PM

No necessarily. My brother's wife got a free DNA test provided through the state with her child she had before my brother's.

Great state. But here in the "Greedy State" a DNA test cost me $186 and that was back in 1997.

Synnen · Jul 24, 2009, 03:32 PM

Originally Posted by ANB428

No necessarily. My brother's wife got a free DNA test provided through the state with her child she had before my brother's.

And he knows that he will have to pay child support, he isn't denying that.

Provided by the TAXPAYERS.

If you want to know whether it's YOUR kid (or HIS kid!), pay for it your damned self.

Seriously--if you don't KNOW whether you're a father, or who the father MIGHT be--you shouldn't be having sex! Not only that, but you shouldn't count on the taxpayers to help pay for the repercussions of you having sex!

I am absolutely convinced that if there were no such thing as welfare, then a LOT fewer women would wonder who their babydaddy is.

cdad · Jul 24, 2009, 06:50 PM

Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

Just a thought here. If you know what county the baby was born in you can go to the County Clerk's office and ask them if there was a birth certificate issued for a baby born to your exgirfriend. You know the date but not the first name of the child. Since this is public information, you could find out if in fact there actually is or is not a child. It may be worth a drive to get this information yourself and take the guess work out of "is there a kid or isn't there a kid" and save yourself an attorney's fee as well. For the price of a few gallons of gas I'd be in my car and at the Clerk's window asking this question myself.

This way if there is no such kid at least you and your new lady will have some peace of mind and you can change your phone number and forget the game player and go on and live your life knowing that she was just a crappy game player all along and thank goodness you didn't fall for her baloney.

Im not sure they would allow a search based on the mothers name at the county level but one other place to look would be in the " births " section of the local paper for that area.

ANB428 · Jul 24, 2009, 09:01 PM

Originally Posted by Synnen

Provided by the TAXPAYERS.

If you want to know whether or not it's YOUR kid (or HIS kid!), pay for it your damned self.

Seriously--if you don't KNOW whether or not you're a father, or who the father MIGHT be--you shouldn't be having sex! Not only that, but you shouldn't count on the taxpayers to help pay for the repercussions of you having sex!

I am absolutely convinced that if there were no such thing as welfare, then a LOT fewer women would wonder who their babydaddy is.

I am not saying that it is not wrong. I am a tax payer too and I get aggravated about it as well along with all these people who sit on their a$$ and collect a welfare check, while people who work and need a little assistance can't get it because they actually work.

I was just stating a fact. I know who my daughter's father is, so I hope that you weren't referring to me. I was just making a statement of fact, so don't jump down my throat!

ANB428 · Jul 24, 2009, 09:04 PM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

Great state. But here in the "Greedy State" a DNA test cost me $186 and that was back in 1997.

And it should cost every person that, if not more. I totally agree with that and for people having to take care of their own responsibilities. If I didn't know who my child's father was, I would pay any amount of money to find that out for my child's sake. But, I know who I sleep with and I don't sleep with multiple men throughout a consecutive period. And our government is all jacked up and is about to get worse now that Obama is our president.