[blondndisguise5]

Is anyone else feeling like all they want is to be pretty and happy?
In this world with all of its pressures and lack of wiggle room I feel like its hard to build a meaning full life, I find myself stuck on surface issues and not just being content and focused

I am 5'3, 125 pounds and I workout! I watch my food intake! Yet my little sister sits around all day eating fast food and is SUPER skinny... I cried in shame today because I ate a 6 oz prime rib today (mind you I got a salad and veggies on the side) I try so hard yet I'm still ugly and fat though people tell me different I just hate how I looke, I try to eat only 1200 healthy calories a day and when I go over I just feel like an utter failure!

Yet I know I'm being over dramatic and ridiculous and I just keep telling myself to be happy be confident. But its so hard: all my friends are moving in different directions, my first love is using me and confusing me, I look around and see that everyone else in the world is beautiful and perfect.

Worst of all I'm 19 and have no clue at all what to do with my life, I have no passion and no drive. I have two jobs, go to school over full time and am part of a sorority...

I just feel crummy and meaningless... can anyone shed some light? I know I sound like a whiner and really I am because I have a great family and a great life and I am so mad at myself for not just being happy with it all!

[taoplr]

Give yourself a break. Everybody feels crummy and meaningless until they find something that draws them out of themselves, something to which they can dedicate themselves. You haven't found that something yet, but if you really want that and pursue it, you will.

Relax. Take a moment to think about where you are in life. 19 is young; you don't have to be beyond where you are; you can't be. You are doing a lot but it's not yet what you need for your spirit to become engaged. That's all.

But keep looking at yourself, on the inside, and see what kind of person you are. Become aware of what you feel and where you stand and how you think and behave and how you effect people. Practice being present--paying attention--and see where it leads. Figure yourself out but don't judge yourself. You don't yet have the experience to know what to measure. But you are right about this: you are "stuck on the surface."

Being pretty and fit doesn't make people happy. Everybody is not "beautiful and perfect." That's your projection. Understandable but wrong.

You don't yet know about the world and its pressures. You won't until you engage in something bigger than yourself and get out of yourself and seeing. The thing that pulls you out of your small world and makes you a little bigger will also get you to look inside of yourself to find what is there. It could be anything: a new job, a transformative book (Read something by Byron Katie or Eckhart Tolle), a new relationship (dump the dude if he is using you), the Peace Corps, something unexpected.

The world around you is going through a political, economic, sociological, ecological, and spiritual transformation. Find your depth, and you will be a valued contributor somewhere in it all. In time you will lose the now-critical youthful-beauty characteristics so important to you now, and if you develop yourself, you will not really mind, because you will be gaining happiness and fulfillment.

[I wish]

You need to give yourself less pressure.

First of all, don't worry about your height and weight. You sound like a very healthy person since you're watching what you eat and working out. Don't compare yourself to your sister, she sounds like she's TOO skinny. When you go to your yearly check-up, I'm sure your doctor can show you the chart that shows that you are at an appropriate weight for your height. Just continue what you are doing in terms of eating and working out.

As for your education. It takes time to figure this out. Remember, you'll probably be working for 35 to 40 years. So you want to make sure you find something that's good for you. No everyone has a passion, so I don't think you need to go out and search for that one specific thing.

There are many other factors to consider when finding a job that will suit you for 40 years. It doesn't have to be a passion, but at least have some interest level. Are you good at what you are doing? How well do you get along with your co-workers. In my experience, even if you have a boring job, having fun co-workers can really make a difference. Take your time and go out and explore what jobs are out there.

Go to job fairs. Join clubs. Volunteer. Talk to the people who are already in that field. Maybe something will spark your interest.

19 is still very young. Just take it easy on yourself. Things will fall into place. Just have to put yourself out there.