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lagalagallama · Jul 15, 2009, 07:36 AM

She did not expressly ask for me to give her space. If she had asked for something I would give it to her. In the meantime, I do have my own life. I got a promotion at work, and I have been spending a good deal of time with my friends. It doesn't mean, however, that I am not wishing every single second that she was there with me.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 15, 2009, 08:21 AM

She is not sure what she wants, so you need to give her space.
You said she had a problem with you controlling her life. If you keep trying to move back into her life she is going to see that as control.
Leave her alone, give her space. Don't try and control the situation. That is one of the things that got you in trouble in the first place. Take your hands completely off and let her control her life. If she comes back, it will be her decision without your input.

lagalagallama · Jul 15, 2009, 08:48 AM

I do want it to be her choice, I just wish I could help guide that decision. I believe if she knew how I felt and the changes I made, that would ease her mind and help her decide. Sitting and doing nothing is almost impossible.

sunflower811 · Jul 15, 2009, 09:19 AM

Originally Posted by lagalagallama

I do want it to be her choice, I just wish I could help guide that decision. I believe if she knew how I felt and the changes I made, that would ease her mind and help her decide. Sitting and doing nothing is almost impossible.

What is your and her astrological signs?

lagalagallama · Jul 15, 2009, 09:28 AM

I am a gemini, she is an Aries

talaniman · Jul 15, 2009, 09:39 AM

lagalagallama; I do want it to be her choice, I just wish I could help guide that decision.

That's what makes it so hard, knowing you can't influence her decision.

I believe if she knew how I felt and the changes I made, that would ease her mind and help her decide.

What your failing to see is her need to get over the damage that's already been done. She obviously is still dealing with that and I seriously doubt that she can see you have changed until she deals with what you did before. Its unrealistic to expect she just forgive and forget.

Sitting and doing nothing is almost impossible.

Don't sit and do nothing, change is an ongoing process, and that's what you should be busy with. That's how changes are permanent and don't just fall by the wayside once you get what you want. This isn't something she can help you with, you must be wanting it for yourself, and not for her, and that my friend takes time. You don't convince someone you have changed and mean it, until you have for long enough for them to be confident that you have. That may take a long time depending on the kind of a$$hole you were before.

It maybe to late to convince her, that's the consequences of your actions, but at least you won't make that mistake again, being a drunk controlling jerk, with your next relationship. Okay, you blew it this time. Make sure you don't next time, be it with her, or anyone else.

lagalagallama · Jul 15, 2009, 10:41 AM

Haha I think you have got it all wrong. I wasn't a drunk controlling jerk. In fact if you ask her friends, I was an amazing boyfriend to her and they were all quite jealous. I just meant that I was stupid about some things, and a breakup was the kind of shock I needed to get it through my thick head. I want to take the lessons I have learned back to this relationship, and show her that I am that guy that she said she could spend the rest of her life with.

slapshot_oi · Jul 15, 2009, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by lagalagallama

Haha I think you have got it all wrong. I wasn't a drunk controlling jerk. In fact if you ask her friends, I was an amazing boyfriend to her and they were all quite jealous. I just meant that I was stupid about some things, and a breakup was the kinda shock I needed to get it through my thick head. I want to take the lessons I have learned back to this relationship, and show her that I am that guy that she said she could spend the rest of her life with.

I really like you, but i still love my ex of 10 yrs!
Although your situation are different from what his was, your mindset is the same.

I got a lot of enjoyment out that thread.

lagalagallama · Jul 15, 2009, 11:02 AM

Ok I read a but of that thread, and then I skipped to the end. It looks like it all worked out for him. I hope it does for me as well.

sunflower811 · Jul 15, 2009, 11:24 AM

Originally Posted by lagalagallama

Ok I read a but of that thread, and then I skipped to the end. It looks like it all worked out for him. I hope it does for me as well.

Buddy, It really sounds like your obsess with this girl, if you trully loved her, you would have taken our advise and give her some space. The more you push the situation, the further your pushing her ( and we know you don't want that). Look, like a told you before I know what your going through, I know what it feels like to want something you can't have, when you really want it, it's the worst feeling. At this point there is really nothing you can do. Take a vacation or something, get away clear your mind. You stressing over this, is only going make you feel bad in the inside. If it's one thing I know, you can't force anyone to be with you, to love you. You say you love her, well let her be, and if you don't let her be, then you never truly loved her, it was all an obsession. Trust me on this one.

lagalagallama · Jul 15, 2009, 01:40 PM

Nope not obsessed, just really love her and miss her constantly. And I have been giving her space, just need to vent on here sometimes because its so hard. Its hard to be without someone who means the world to you.

lagalagallama · Jul 18, 2009, 02:56 PM

It has now been a week since she has contacted me... this is not getting any easier.

talaniman · Jul 18, 2009, 03:13 PM

Its not supposed to get easier, it will get much harder, so get a plan that keeps you busy.

HINT: Time flies when your having FUN!!

lagalagallama · Jul 18, 2009, 03:19 PM

I have been trying to make sure I keep busy. I am working most days, and trying to spend as much time with friends as possible. It just sucks, because in the month or so following the breakup she would text me while I was out or if I was out of contact for a while, now I've got nothing. But I have been making sure that just about every night I have something to do.

lagalagallama · Jul 22, 2009, 07:47 AM

It has been about a week and a half since she has contacted me, I don't know why she suddenly stopped. I think within the next day or two I am going to contact her, see if she wants to go out for a 'friendly' hangout and get ice cream or something.

jmw0713 · Jul 22, 2009, 08:03 AM

Wrong move pal. If she wants to hang with you, she will let you know. Seems to me she is distancing herself from you now. I think you need to start trying to move on from her since the damage to this relationship has been done.

Respect her request for space and get working on moving forward and letting go.

lagalagallama · Jul 22, 2009, 08:07 AM

She didn't request space. The last time we talked, she said she missed me and was very obviously interested in talking to me.

jmw0713 · Jul 22, 2009, 08:39 AM

She is distancing herself from you. That would be the only way to explain it. She is doing her own thing, while you are sitting by the phone waiting for her to text you.

LAME!

Start getting on with your own life and quit waiting for her to throw you a bone.

It looks like she is stringing you along with mixed signals.

She says she misses you and is interested in talking to you, blah, blah, blah. What do her ACTIONS tell you? She is playing a game and you are her pawn buddy. When will you get tired of playing??

talaniman · Jul 22, 2009, 08:48 AM

Find someone else to invite for ice cream, or to hang out with you.

Why fall back into the traps of the past, yet again? Shake it up some, my friend, and take a different approach for a change, one that is not so comfortable, not so easy, and a lot more challenging.

HINT: Time flies when your having FUN!!

You really need to find fun without her.

lagalagallama · Jul 22, 2009, 03:11 PM

Haha you guys all seem to think I'm sitting waiting by the phone. That is not what I have been doing. I am spending a lot of time out with friends, and have gone on a few dates. I have been having a lot of fun, just wish that some of it could be with her.