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coyne740 · Jul 20, 2009, 09:16 PM

All right, so I met a woman online. We HAVE NOT gone on a date yet. We've texted and called and talked online for about 2 weeks now. I have been out of the dating game for a bit and I'm wondering something though. At times, she'll text me, I'll text back and I won't hear a reply for a few hours. Or we will be talking online and again, the replies are few and far between. More than once, she has called me only to have her phone die or I have called her after she has asked and it's gone straight to voicemail. I don't understand if this is a game, playing hard to get or what... it's odd, because I have been blown off before, no problem, and she's admitted to me that usually when she is not interested in someone, she'll stop talking to them, but SHE initiates the conversations, the texts and whatever. If I don't say anything to her for a bit, she usually texts me. No clue what is going on. She's a nice person and very beautiful, but what would this say if this were to turn into something?

And before anyone says anything, I know enough about her to know that she is NOT in a relationship or anything like that.

mudweiser · Jul 20, 2009, 09:50 PM

Online people can be funny.

I remember once I met a guy through the online thing, looked nothing like his picture- in fact he later admitted that he stole his cousins photos and used them... eck talk about issues. Chances are that's not really her-- unless you've seen her on Webcam.

Anywho- best thing to do is to ask her straight up- if she gets defensive then there is your answer-- she's hiding something. Maybe she has a boyfriend or is married? Maybe she's in a wheelchair [not to be meant as a joke] or handicapped in a certain way.. the list really goes on.

So my best advice is the next time you see her online ask her questions like: how come we can never meet? Are you being honest with who you are?.

Well that's just my suggestion.

Sarah

coyne740 · Jul 20, 2009, 10:03 PM

It has nothing to do with meeting, I am just taking this one step at a time, I guess we will see on Thursday, when we are going out on a date. And it's her, she added me on Facebook, where there are comments from her sister and pictures, and family, etc. So unless she is a complete sociopath and creating an entirely alternate life, it's her. My main question is what would you do about the texting, chatting and phone calls? Should I just back off and let her come to me or should I chase? I guess I just don't want to come off like a dog, chasing her around.

mudweiser · Jul 20, 2009, 10:06 PM

If anything I think you should do other things than stay on the PC and texting... being available to her when she makes time for you isn't a good thing-- at least in my opinion.

I'm not saying ignore her but I am saying to get busy. It's summertime- be outside :)

Sarah

coyne740 · Jul 21, 2009, 06:40 AM

I'm not sitting and waiting at all, this is usually night when I am winding down, whatever, but I always have my phone on me because I am on call 24/7. Ok, enough excuses, I know what you mean

N0help4u · Jul 21, 2009, 06:51 AM

I agree with Mud. Even if you are not sitting and waiting you are probably being too available for her.

I would say that
''she's admitted to me that usually when she is not interested in someone, she'll stop talking to them, but SHE initiates the conversations, the texts and whatever''
Means she would stop talking to you all together if she loses interest.

Her not keeping an ongoing conversation could mean that she is doing other things like playing a game on a game site. Talking to other guys or cooking and cleaning and stuff like that and only checking the computer here and there to see if something new came up.

Her telling you to call and it going to answering machine could be just inconsiderate.

Once you meet her on Thursday and how it goes from there you will have a better idea.
If she wasn't interested she wouldn't be meeting you

atxbabe · Jul 21, 2009, 08:21 PM

Umm... if you have only talked to her for two weeks then you don't know her

coyne740 · Jul 21, 2009, 08:28 PM

Not starting a fight, but I never said I knew her, at least from what I re-read in my conversation above. I have no clue who she is, how she acts, or what is true or not. What I said is that I am sure that it the person that she has shown me pictures of is her, that is all.

coyne740 · Nov 4, 2009, 09:23 PM

So... I actually met this girl, finally, at the end of August when our schedules hooked up. And we liked each other... a lot. So we started dating and have been dating since, for about 2 months now. However, now, she is blowing me off a bit again, and not answering texts or calls. But when I don't answer her, it's the "Are you mad at me" question from her. This is driving me nuts and honestly, I don't want to invest any more time in the relationship if I am just going to get hurt again - what say you, oh wise interwebs?

rockie100 · Nov 4, 2009, 09:40 PM

How often do you text or call her? Why would she ask if you are mad at her? Do you tend to get mad at her? Just thinking that she sounds a little childish. Anyway, you could ask her, face to face, what the deal is. This would be the time to tell her what's on your mind as well. (ie: what drives you nuts)

Gemini54 · Nov 4, 2009, 10:51 PM

What do I say? - trust your intuition.

If she can't see how her behavior is affecting you and can only ask 'are you mad at me' then she seemingly, has a limited capacity for self analysis - that's a red flag.

If she's playing games and blowing hot and cold, it's not worth your investment.

asking · Nov 4, 2009, 11:25 PM

Possibilities:
She's busy and feels like keeping up with your messages is taking too much time, though she may not want to say that to you. Do you communicate to her a lot?

She's a bit bored with the relationship, maybe you've been spending more time together than she wants. So she just doesn't get around to getting back to you.

Or your messages are long and complicated and so she puts off answering and then feels guilty and doesn't get back to it.

(You wonder where I'm getting these ideas! )

If she's USED to you always answering back and you don't, then she'll think something's wrong. But she may not realize that you don't like it when she doesn't answer back.

Talk to her.

-wise interwebs

coyne740 · Nov 5, 2009, 08:17 AM

I talked to her last night about this. She assured me nothing was wrong, but at the root of it, I told her I was feeling insecure and clingy (which I'm not that person, but insecurity does odd things to us sometimes). I apologized to her for that and for some things that were said this past week (I said something that objectified her, something that made her just feel like I was in the relationship for sex, it came out wrong) and she was sort of holding a grudge about it. I apologized for that again and told her what it really meant and what she meant to me. Things seem OK now.

asking · Nov 5, 2009, 08:35 AM

Good!

You don't want to be patching things up every day, but communicating when things are starting to feel wrong really helps.

I hope things stay on an even keel for a while. Try not to take her occasional silences too personally.