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sully123 · Mar 22, 2009, 08:10 AM

I went out with a gentlemen from my grammar school, who I use to know. We went out last weekend and had a nice time, we seemed to get along very well. Ok, the next day I texted him and thanked him for a nice evening, he text me back immediately said he had fun too. A complete gentlemen, were both in our fifties. My question is I hadn't heard from him all week, and text him a week later, and said how are you? Well, when I got home from work, instead of texting me he called me, which I thought was sweet. We talked twice that evening for a couple of hours. Question is, if a person likes you would he want to see you again, a week later, or just like he called instead. OR do guys take it slow at the age, are different then the younger ones? I like consistency in a person, and I knows its new. I kind of don't know what to think. Any ideas or suggestions?

talaniman · Mar 22, 2009, 08:43 AM

I think your both just getting reacquainted, so go slow. It's a little early to judge, anything at this point.

The only thing you know is the date was enjoyed by you both. Relax and see if there is another date or not.

Dating is about having fun as you get to know each other, not having high expectations or unrealistic worries. Ages, or experiences, don't count.

sully123 · Mar 22, 2009, 09:14 AM

Thanks Tal, for the advice, I will see what happens in the next few weeks.

sully123 · Jul 19, 2009, 05:08 AM

Some of you know, I have a friend from grammar school I dated here and there over the past five months. We haven't seen each other in two months. We are both in our fifties. We actually live like five minutes away from each other. He works long hours, like 65 hours a week, a very phsyical job, and over the years he has had 3 heart attacks, not in the past five years, though. He cares for his ederly mother just like I do for mine. Well like two weeks ago, he emails me and says I want to see you again. He calls me a couple of times during the week on the way home from work and is stressed out from his job. He texts me all the time also. Well this past week he asked me about the beach party for our old high school when it was, and I told him it was on Saturday, and that was on Wednesday. He said well that's not too bad. Well he text me on and off since then. Well Saturday passed, and nothing. I know when he gets stressed he goes with his buddy friend fishing, which doesn't bother me. But what bothers me is when he says I want to see you again, and then this. I know he hasn't dated a lot over the years and has been divorced 20, well that kind of explains things. He does his own thing. Do I have the right to say anything casually next time we talk? (when he wants to see me again) and then this.

tickle · Jul 19, 2009, 05:16 AM

Sully, just go for it, yes say something, anything to get his attention. From the sound of it, like you say, he does his own thing and probably pretty set in his ways. He needs a break ! I guess he doesn't know how to go forward and needs a little push !

Tick

redhed35 · Jul 19, 2009, 05:19 AM

Sully.I agree with tickle,he probably does not even realise what he's doing.

Say it in a casual way,as far as he's probably concerned he talked to you the other day and everything is fine!

N0help4u · Jul 19, 2009, 05:19 AM

I would wait until he mentions seeing you again and then just make a remark that makes him realize he is blowing you off bmaking the statement and not following through.
Something like ''Oh? When the cows come home?" Or ''Geez I feel like a have a better chance at seeing God''

Say whatever in a laughing way and not a sarcastic smart way.

He is probably just stuck in his routine and you saying something might make the lightbulb go XoffX ON

sully123 · Jul 19, 2009, 05:24 AM

Thanks tickle, rehead and for no help4 u. I did tell him and mention to him after he emailed me that I would like to see him again, also. I know he doesn't mean anything by it, but its just frustrating when someone mentions that and then doesn't follow through. Like what you said nohelp4u, have to remember those phrases.

redhed35 · Jul 19, 2009, 05:26 AM

Also sully,men get set in their ways,as we women do,its annoying when they don't follow through,however a little patience and a gentle nudge should do the trick.

Good luck.

sully123 · Jul 19, 2009, 05:29 AM

Originally Posted by redhed35

also sully,men get set in their ways,as we women do,its annoying when they dont follow through,however a little patience and a gentle nudge should do the trick.

good luck.

Redhead they get too set in their ways, lol.

redhed35 · Jul 19, 2009, 05:59 AM

Sully,I'm 37,I was on my own for a few years before I met my boyfriend,he is 36.
We both have our own lives and like our own time apart,plus we both had our own interests that we wanted to continue doing,its finding that balance, I do believe you can have both,a relationship,companionship and your own time... talk talk and more talk,don't be afraid to voice what you want from the relationship,he won't know if you don't tell him! And the same goes for him.

N0help4u · Jul 19, 2009, 06:06 AM

Yep finding a balance is what you have to do but he has to realize that too.

sully123 · Jul 19, 2009, 11:40 AM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

yep finding a balance is what you have to do but he has to realize that too.

See the only thing that bothers me is back in June for a couple of weeks we got caught up in our own lives.. Well lets say he did, and we had made plans for my birthday and nothing and didn't even wish me a happy birthday. A week after that he called, and I didn't say anything. So well now its his birthday tomorrow do I blow it off like he did, or casually wish him a happy birthday?

artlady · Jul 19, 2009, 12:20 PM

Yes,I would certainly say something.It need not be an accusation,just a casual reminder that you thought you were going to hook up on Saturday.
Suppose you had refrained from making other plans and then you just ended up doing nothing,that would be unfair.

Regarding the Birthday,I would ask him to stop over,maybe a nice home cooked meal and a much needed chat(?) would be nice.

I am 55 so I don't think his age has anything to do with his inconsideration. Maybe being out of the loop for so long does.

s_cianci · Jul 19, 2009, 12:45 PM

Sure, you have the "right" to say anything you want! I'm not sure what you're actually asking but if I'm following your thread correctly I get the impression that this guy calls/texts/e-mails you that he wants to get together but then never follows through with any concrete plans. Keep in mind that, as you yourself said, he works long hours and isn't in the best of health. In fact, working 65 hours a week sounds like way too many hours for someone with a history of 3 heart attacks in my opinion. However, if my assessment of the situation is basically right, my suggestion to you is that, rather than being confrontational, give him a little "nudge". When he says that he "wants to get together", if he doesn't take it any farther than that, invite him over for a cup of coffee or suggest meeting at a local diner or something. That shouldn't be too hard with you only living 5 minutes apart.

sully123 · Jul 25, 2009, 03:58 PM

Just an update, haven't heard from him in over a week, well lets say he text me a week ago last Friday, saying he needs a break from working so much and is so stressed out... said nothing about meeting up. Last week went and nothing again. So finally I got my nerve to text him yesterday and said to him that every time when we try to get close to do something, always something happens, and I guess I have a better chance of seeing God, lol. I told him that half the summer is gone.. nothing till today, and saying oh I am trying to get some work done since its not raining. I didn't answer his text today, because nothing is working now, I figuered he doesn't care. Just don't understand and guess I will never understand, when just three weeks ago, he writes me an email, can I see you again. I guess I should write this one off.

artlady · Jul 25, 2009, 04:13 PM

It does appear that he has lost interest and you certainly do not want to grovel at his feet.

I agree,you should just write this one off.

Maybe he would be cool as a casual friend but I think anything more than that sounds unlikely.

Here is a link to a cool organization for just hooking up with like minded people.You have nothing to lose and may actually like it.
About Meetup - Meetup.com

sully123 · Jul 25, 2009, 04:18 PM

Originally Posted by artlady

It does appear that he has lost interest and you certainly do not want to grovel at his feet.

I agree,you should just write this one off.

Maybe he would be cool as a casual friend but I think anything more than that sounds unlikely.

Here is a link to a cool organization for just hooking up with like minded people.You have nothing to lose and may actually like it.
About Meetup - Meetup.com

Thanks Artlady for the info...

liz28 · Jul 25, 2009, 04:31 PM

Yes, it time for you to move on because for whatever reasons he isn't making an effort to see you. He could be scare or plain playing games but your time doesn't have to be waste because of it. You venture and venture and give him chance after chance and that is all you can do.

sully123 · Aug 1, 2009, 12:18 PM

Update, I hadn'[t heard from him for two weeks, and then all of a sudden he called me on a couple of nights ago, and we talked for about two hours. Great conversation, and at the end I got my nerve and said to him just before we hung up, well if your bored this weekend and you want to do something, give me a call. He said sure, I see what' s going on. He said how about I call you tomorrow night, which was last night, and now nothing again.. WEll I consider him a friend, but I can't understand why he calls and is as sweet as can be, and then doesn't follow through. You can get some insight on my thread if you read it through, any answers...