[blingzback87]

Me and my girlfriend broke up the other night from some arguments we have been having and any way the minute she said it was over I started missing in her I been loving her for years and I need her in my life The only thing is, is that so many things has happen in our relationship so bad arguments so much drama and so many chances she has given me I know she love I think she still love me but what can I do to get her back or, and what can I do to make her want to get back with me. What rules I need to play. Is there any games I need to play. Or do I just move on which seem so hard to do. Hey I would do anything to be with her again. Anything. Oh she's 41 Im 20. Please help me because I love her.

[Skell]

Id forget her and move on.

Why is it going be different in the future? Why will the arguments stop?

They won't. It is broken and you two don't sound as though you are meant to be together.

It is going to hurt. It will hurt a lot. But you need to do other things. Workout, run, work harder, friends, family. Anything to take your mind of her.

Plus the age difference just seems to big for me!

Sorry, it will get better though. Just give it time!

Don't contact her either. It will onmly hurt more and you won't get the answers your looking for. She only comes back if she wants to. You won't force her too!

[talaniman]

Do not call or contact her in any way or fashion.I don't know how old this relationship was but the two of you argue because your from diffferent worlds. She is old enough to be your mother, my gosh. Move on and get with people more your age and enjoy your youth.

[wap]

Yeah, you will find someone nearer to your age : ) I know it hurts now. My ex and I are very different, but we didn't argue. You should maybe take the arguing as a sign that things would never work out. When you are apart from someone you begin to see them for all their good points, I do it myself. It sounds like you weren't happy before. You are still very young, you should enjoy yourself and meet new people, when you feel ready to : )

[Wildcat21]

Yes -the age difference is massive. Your not even a full adult yet.

This is a little weird. Why is a 41 year old women with a 20 year old? I need more detail?

Seriously - I am thinking she using him and his youth and lack of experience with women?

A NORMAL 41 year old women would never be with a 20 year old. Ever. I am talking normal.

There is somethig more to this- she could be his mother at that age.

Something is right here. There is more to this.

[blingzback87]

Well we been together for 2 years and 7 months My ex girlfriend is my brothers woman mother, so I have know her for almost 9 years and every since I met her I had a hugh crush on her a very hugh crush on her and I was like 11 yrs old at that time she didn't really know it until I was 17. I finally made my move and at the time I made my move she hadn't been and had sex with anybody. So I guess she felt good, she had allot of troubling relationships in the past with her exes. So basically that night we made love and we were together ever since. I grew up loving her and to finally get with her was something special. So that's why its so hard to leave her alone and not call her like many of you were saying to do. Allot of people say that they amazed that we lasted this long. Again with this updated information I'm giving you what can I do to get her back? How can I make her come back to me? What should I not do and do if I want this to work?

[Wildcat21]

Ughhhhhhhhhhh - this is just a MILF.

She is using you dude. This is not a relationship. For sex. For being lonely. It's for sex.

I'll bet a lot cash this women is really screwed up in the head.

Do your parents even know about this??

My strong advice - find someone your own age.

This sounds soooo unhealthy. I bet it effects you for the rest of your life. I bet $1 million you are very, very, very confused at what an actually relationship is. She's twice your age and has had a lot od experience.

Do you travel together? Go on dates? Go to your parents house together? Go out in public EVERYWHERE?

Let me guess - some situations you both avoid?

[blingzback87]

WildKat My whole family knows she comes around all the time we kiss hug and touch each other in public and around our family. She has done allot for me. I mean all the problems we have had in our relationships for 2 years plus and she manage to be with me all this time. Could it really be that she was using me for sex WildKat. She's a fun loving, forgiving, she bust her helping others. What do u think now? Please respond!

[Wildcat21]

Using you for more than sex I think. She probably has low self esteem from bad past relationships.

But, somehting isn't right here. When you first started seeing you - there was no reason for it. You wer what 17 - she was 39ish? Something isn't right.

[talaniman]

Dude she whuuped you pretty bad and you should be glad its over because somewhere who you are has been lost in the shuffle. Move on so you can look around and see what kind of person you are and what kind of life you should be building. As wildcat said you where not in a healthy relationship, but you where the kept boy-toy slave for someone else's pleasure. Wake up!

[1980gal]

I guess you two don't suit each other because of the age difference.You think differently and that's why you keep on breaking up.

[Wildcat21]

Read Tal's post - it's accurate as to wha tis going on here.

[valinors_sorrow]

I am going to go out on a limb here and say something pretty serious that is only a hunch, but if its correct, it needs to be heeded.

That fact that she was such an integral part of your growing up tells me that the dynamics in your relationship was not only boyfriend/girlfriend, but parent/child as well. If this is true, its going to take some work with a professional to get past this in any kind of functional shape. I mean it. Seek help now please. You have a lot of growing up to do that was probably seriously sidetracked by your dependency-based relationship. It would have been easier on you if your mom had died when you were still a child and your dad abandoned you, okay?

If this fits you, it is not an excuse to make desperate pleas for her to come back or to get crazy, but I would run, not walk to the phonebook and begin calling to find someone who will take you with whatever conditions you have - insurance, no insurance, pay as you go, sliding scale, etc. It is NOT your fault that you feel so needy. And left unaddressed it can lead to some really crappy stuff you won't have a clue how to handle.

You are worth having a fair shot at real adulthood. You really are.

PS - There is a reason there are statutory rape laws on the books. Its because there are adults (male and female) who are the emotional/psychological equivalency of a child out in the world and they are capable of unintentionally creating damaging relationships with real children, and the kid never even knows it. I know about this because my father was one and divorced my mom to marry my girlfriend. Sick.

[Wildcat21]

Val - I was trying to get at this with this guy. I didn't want to scare him. Your post was great follow up to what I was trying to say.

I really think this lady ended it because she realized it was way wrong.

Yes - he should go the a counselour hopefully at school or through his family.

This is not normal - espcially when you consider what age he met her. She totally took advantage of him and used him - kind of sick.

[valinors_sorrow]

I hear you Wildcat, and I am a little concerned about scaring him too. But I think the situation could be scaring him more than anything if it is like I outline so I was more adamant in my post than usual. It's a fine line here sometimes...

Man, I hope you are okay, Blingz?

Please keep us posted, I mean that caringly...

[Wildcat21]

I have a feeling he is clueless as to what really was happening. If they were open about this in their community I am surprised no one said something - did something. I think he said he first met her at an early age.

He is an adult now and needs to know.

Mrs. Robinson?

[bleimberger]

I think that you should move on no matter how hard it is. Your relationship sounds like it was disfunctional, and that is a red flag. You two will be fighting the rest of your lives the way you two are going right now. I think that she is way too old for you, and I know you don't want to here it but it just doesn't seem like you two would work out. Just look at it like this, okay when you're 40 she will be 61 years old, do you think that you will want that, I mean that is just a big age difference. I think that it is pretty low of her to be going for a guy your age, you are like a child to her. Just move on.

[Skell]

I dare say another example of where we won't here back what happened because the OP didn't get the answers they came looking for.

And not because the advice was wrong. Because it wasn't what they wanted to hear.

[BIM]

This is not normal - espcially when you consider what age he met her. She totally took advantage of him and used him - kind of sick.

Not kindof sick--REALLY sick!!

[SXY-MEXY]

I'm with Skell on that. Blingz, only you know what the entire situation is. We can only comment based on what you've shared. You've described an unhealthy relationship all around, even if she were your age-all that fighting is unhealthy alone. Try to interact with girls even just as friends and you'll see it getting easier as time goes on. Just be strong & keep your head up.