[Jodi84]

*Note: Even though this question falls under relationships as well as the parent / child relationship, I think overall it's a matter of my need to grow as an adult so that's why I'm putting it in this topic*

This is my first post here so I will try to keep it short as possible.

I have been talking to this guy I met online for almost two months now. I'm 24, live in Colorado, and this is my first relationship. I've never been kissed, dated, held hands -- nada. I met him through a gaming site where opponents can chat while they play. He is 28 and lives in Rhode Island. We got really serious quite fast, decide to start dating, and made plans to meet after talking about two or so weeks. Because of his disability, I decided to fly out to see him.

Fast forward to the week that I was supposed to leave and that is where the drama began. :( Even though I had told my family and friends about it, this is the time they decided to really voice their concerns about my safety (cause I would be going alone) and the situation itself (they think online dating is essentially wrong). I am very close to both groups of people and after going back and forth about it and seriously stressing myself out, I decided not to go.

Fast forward to now and a lot of things have happened. The guy admits he cheated on me the week before I was supposed to fly down and on top of that still has feelings for me, but also the person he slept with (who he knew in college).

He has asked me to come see him for a short while so that we can both see where our relationship stands and so that he can better make a decision about who he would rather pursue a relationship with.

After having a good week of being furious and hurt, I have decided that the only way I will know if this our relationship is really worth fighting for is to go see him. The problem as it stands is whether I should tell my family about it. My mother lives in the same small city with me (we are both in college) and we talk and see each other a good amount of time. I think even though my friends would be shocked, they would accept it... but telling my family could possibly cause the drama all over again. Here are the only options I see that I have right now --

*Be reckless -- take a day at a time and tell my mother nothing unless she asks

*Lie -- Make a believable lie about going to see a friend (that she doesn't know) for a week or so in a place that she wouldn't feel compelled to drive to

*Tell her the truth and let her be upset and possibly change my mind again

[talaniman]

You have a fourth option, use common sense and examine the facts.

* He is disabled enough not to be able to travel, but can cheat
* He wants you to spend your time and money to see if he has feelings for you.

Either of these is a red flag as to your own recklessness, or maybe seeing things that ain't there, and assuming things that's are.

He has asked me to come see him for a short while so that we can both see where our relationship stands

You don't have a relationship. All you have is a electronic pen pal, you have never met.

so that he can better make a decision about who he would rather pursue a relationship with.

This is what floored me! Your actually ignoring the advice of family, and friends, to compete in a girlfriend contest for this CHEATER! Yes cheater, and he admits to it. Whats the competition, who's better in bed, you, or her??

You can talk over the phone, or text, or email, and be safe doing so, but its plain stupid, to pay to go across country to talk to someone about, if your better than the one he cheated with. Come on, does that sound crazy or what? Sounds desperate, and lonely, to me.

Do yourself a big favor, and rethink this desperate, needy, move to pursue a false love that will not only hurt you, but humiliate you.

Trust me, that your willing to be party to this kind of INTERNET BS, against the wishes of those that love you... maybe that's what you deserve is some humiliation.

Don't do it, plain and simple. Matter of fact, You should be a lot more careful who you let in your life from the NET. At least be safe and let people know where you are and what your doing. That's the safe way to approach these strangers on the net, that you know nothing about, other than what they tell you.

Honestly, (and this goes for everyone ) You're a zip damn fool to put your trust, and your heart, (your life) in the hands of a stranger you know nothing about. Net or no NET!!

[liz28]

I couldn't rep you Tal but had to sprend it. Excellent answer!

I just have one question for the OP, "how can you be in a relationship with someone you never met?"

If you have to lie to the people that loves you then you shouldn't be doing what you had planned to do in the first place. Do you watch news?

[Torrid13]

You're not a piece of furniture that he needs to decide whether he wants to take you home or the lamp (the other girl). Do you have any respect for yourself at all? You're too close to be objective, and refusing to see the information he's giving you! He CHEATED!

HELLLOOOOOOOO!!

He wants YOU to put in ALL the effort in your so-called "relationship" (which it's NOT, by the way) and THEN he asks you to come visit him so he can see basically if you're worth keeping or not. For being disabled, this guy sure gets around!

Your blatant refusal to ignore your family and friends' advice is not only hurting you, but hurting them as well! You don't see the same things they do, and what they see isn't good!

Find someone closer to home. And also, someone that's not on a gaming site. He takes this whole "game" thing too seriously. You deserve better than that. So tell him if he wants to see you, he can come visit you, because you're not spending your money on someone who only loves himself.

HMPH.

[Jodi84]

Hey thanks everyone.

I posted this sort of fast and didn't get to re-edit it like I wanted. I will probably remove it because once an , always an . He proved that once again tonight and I promptly told him that it was over... and this time I'm not going back on my word.

Thanks for the advice though, I did need to hear it (well, I guess read it) from someone else's perspective. I was desperate. Being lonely sucks and I continually put myself out there with this guy to try to hold onto something that wasn't even worth it. This has strengthened me tremendously and I know I will walk a little taller now.

[khaksaar]

Use your head friend.u r young and compassionate and seem like a nice person.I'm dead sure you will find someone whom you deserve... just remember it's your life you are the one who have to call the shots.. don't take dictation from him. Besides just think who is from trustworthy and serious about your feelings your friends and mom or a complete stranger who had already cheated on u...

[s_cianci]

Ultimately you need to make your own decision, regardless of what your friends and family think. Yes, online "dating" can be dangerous and you're traveling 2000 miles, alone, to meet this stranger, one who admits to having other action going on as it is. And that brings me to my final point ; you live 2000 miles apart. How much of a "relationship" do you really expect to potentially have with this guy?