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JMJ42 · Jul 16, 2009, 06:06 AM

Someone say something to me to make me buck up my ideas?

My partner and I have a 4 month old baby. We both work at the same organisation but I am on maternity leave. I have put on some weight since giving birth, nothing too desperate though but feel desperately out of the loop whilst my partner's job has flown and he is now travelling all over the south west. I know for a fact that before we met he had a fling with a girl from another county and she is still in the organisation. He also made a comment about another girl's breasts a few years ago which although at the time I joked it off, it stayed in my mind and his base is in the same office as that girl. He is a high profile manager and manages a multitude of female beauties.

All this has left me desperately jealous and insecure and we are having regular arguments. When he met me I was a confident, slim business woman, much like the managers he now works with. He's very loving and constantly reassures me that he would never mess about and actually deep down I believe him, I just can't stop the catty comments coming out when I know he's with certain managers. I know its all about trust, I guess I'm just feeling low. Can anyone relate to my problem?:o

I wish · Jul 16, 2009, 06:16 AM

You have a baby together, so there is already an existing level of commitement.

First of all, I think the first thing you need to focus on taking care of your child.

Secondly, focus on preparing yourself to return to work.

Thirdly, focus on regaining your self-esteem and confidence. Hopefully you will be going back to work, because I think that's a huge part in helping you regain your personal confidence back.

As for your husband, unless you want him to change jobs, you're going to have to find a way to accept the fact that he's working with all these women. If you trust him, then you shouldn't have anything to worry about. The problem seems like you don't trust him.

No trust = No relationship

If you can't find it in yourself to trust his words and his actions, then you might need to consider breaking up.

ZoeMarie · Jul 16, 2009, 06:31 AM

No trust = No Relationship. I wish said it (had to spread the rep.)

On a side note, have you been diagnosed with postpartum depression at all? I don't have children, but one of my good friends had it after she had her child so I can see how hard it can be. She was not herself at all for a few months.

roxypox · Jul 16, 2009, 07:01 AM

Agree, no trust = no relationship.

And to check yourself for postpartum depression might be a good idea...

also your situation has changed on many lvls. You are a new mom, you have a new responsibility and your life is some what altered and that is of course something that you need to get used to.

Since you seem to focus on the fact that you've put on some weight after the pregnancy: is weight and 'slimness' important characteristics for you and especially for your husband? Is that why you are worried about that? Has he shown you any reasons for you to be worried about this at all?