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Sammyfedup · Jul 15, 2009, 04:10 PM

Heelo, my husband has cheated on me in the past and I forgave him then we got married had two children, ever since I have found and confronted girls he has been talking to on the internet, I managed to get onto his email account by luck! And emailed several girls he sent messages to, one recently had sent me several messages he had been saying to her. Here's some things he was saying,

You look good as always, I want to ee you dance, I hope to se you someday, when you come down to manchetser give me a call (and then states his number), I can't talk that much because my wife is too jelous, I am married, I found the right one for the moment hope it lasts (the cheek of it, how dare him question our marriage like that) What do I do, leave him, I am only twenty one and I have to put up with feeling worthless because he feels he has to talk to other woman like that, is this right? Is this normal? What would you advise me to do because I don't know anymore? Is this cheating? The girl totallyignored the question when I asked her if they actually met up so did this mean they did meet up and she doesn't want to say. He denys everythiung saying she made it up.

Thanks for any advice.

Samantha

N0help4u · Jul 15, 2009, 04:18 PM

Sounds like he is already going through a midlife crisis. He may be just flirting and doesn't really believe it will go past that but it is hard to tell.
Even if that is his intent once a girl takes him up on his offer he may be too curious to keep just to the chatrooms or where ever he is going on the internet.

What does he say about his talking to them?

Try asking him how he would feel if you secretly talked to guys on the internet.

Chatrooms have broken up a lot of marriages but without knowing more it is hard to tell what his real intentions are.
It is emotional cheating at the least if he is asking to meet them the way you said he did.
If all these girls are saying the same thing then I doubt 'she made it up'

You have to look for other red flags like is he txting and talking to girls on the phone in secret --like if his phone rings does he jump up and run in the other room?
Does he have good amount of times that are unaccounted for and you have NO idea where he is or what he is doing?

Don't accuse and nag or he will only start being even more secretive then you will have a harder time figuring it out.

Gemini54 · Jul 15, 2009, 10:48 PM

So he's chatting to girls on the internet, giving them his phone number, telling them he's married, asking to meet up with them and then lying to you about it?

Yes, he's cheating. The intent is there, so he may as well be.

It sounds as if you married quite young, and having 2 children probably makes him feel as if he's missed out on his youth. He's cheated in the past, so there is a pattern already in place.

Your only advantage is that he thinks you're 'the right one' (for the moment). I'd be asking him to stop the internet flirting and, if the marriage is important to him, suggest that his focus should be on you, not the other internet chicks.

What is it that they give him that you don't? If it's attention, then try being more attentive and sexual - if he's getting it at home then his mind won't be wandering else where.

In the end, I agree with N0help4u, you'll have to keep an eye out for red flags - and, don't base your sense of self worth on him - be straight with him about what you will and won't put up with!

xoxaprilwine · Jul 16, 2009, 04:44 PM

I agree with both the two posts 100% and I really like the alternatives given. You can talk to him but then your backing him into a corner; he will counter you with the fact that you accessed his email account and invaded his personal privacy. Chances are he will use this against you to control the conversation and make it about you and how you are somehow responsible. That your jealous and probing... nagging him. He is young, 21, he has two kids, a wife and a lot of responsibility for a 21 year old thus he figures that adding some excitement to his life will give him some sort of escape. He isn't aware of the potential consequences and the sacrifices he is willing to make.

I don't like what he is doing, especially giving out his phone number... an invitation for a mistress or one night stand. There are so many STI's out there too... you could be a victim of his cheating in the health department... this act is potential if the opportunity is actually there. Protect yourself and wear condoms in the bedroom... your children need you so be safe. There are numerous things you can do and it will come out one way or another. Think about it for a week or two on how you intend to approach it... I wouldn't bring up the evidence you obtained, maybe take a broader approach bringing the situation to light without directly pointing at him. Like how he feels about the marriage and plan where you two want to be in 5 - 10 years from now. Keep it on the lighter scale of things and see what happens.

susangpyp · Jul 16, 2009, 04:53 PM

I would consider it cheating. I was with my ex-husband and he started "talking" (no internet at the time) to co-workers etc at a young age. I tried to ignore it, to fight it, to threaten etc.
He eventually was full-blown cheating when we were 29/30.

I honestly wish I had left him years earlier. I wasted a lot of time in my 20s fighting, waiting, leaving, coming back. I was afraid of finances and of raising kids by myself. But at 30 I was even more broke and still had little kids.

I would imagine he's not telling you the truth and if he's cheated once, he'll do it again.

But what I would advise you is to shore up your self-esteem on your own and decide what your bottom lines are. It's OKAY for a wife to tell her husband he can't talk to other women on the internet if it's your bottom line/your dealbreakers. But you would probably have to monitor him and honestly, I wound up finding that it's too much time and trouble to keep tabs on someone who simply doesn't know how to "behave."

In any event, shore up your self-esteem and be good to you. His behavior is a reflection of HIM and not you.

talaniman · Jul 19, 2009, 08:29 AM

So why are you allowing this really bad behavior?? One of you has to go, period. (him)

Maybe you were young and dumb before, but your not now are you??

Tell him get the hell out!

s_cianci · Jul 19, 2009, 08:35 AM

Give him an ultimatum ; the e-mailing, texting, etc. with other women stops immediately and you get into couple's counseling, or you leave. Put the ball in his court then respond accordingly.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 19, 2009, 08:51 AM

Of course it is cheating, had that been my wife, the computer would have been thrown out the door or the display busted with a pot or pan.

hopeless54 · Dec 3, 2010, 10:20 PM

I'm going through some of the same situation where he married me and decided to start chatting with these random bimbo's on a website called buzzy
my husband chats and text and calls all of them asking to see there body. Its not like I look bad I mean guys pay me compliments all the time and even try to get me to drop my husband for them but I stayed loyal through it all yet while being made a fool of . I feel so ashamed and hurt . He tells these women he loves them and that they are beautiful and send love poems. I don't want to live like this but we got a child and I don't want my child to grow up without a father but this has got to end .