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jaimie02 · Jul 11, 2009, 04:47 PM

Sorry this is kind of long, but please read

Okay. So I have done everything to not think about this guy.

I have taken your advice, and nothing seems to help.

For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, I have been hving an online relationship with a marine in another country, and who I don't personally know but many of my friends do.

I am addicted to him. I have become obsessive. All advice that I have gotten thus far seems not to help. I just don't know what to do.

I am going crazy.

The bad part is, though my mom can't understand that I am going to wait for him to come home. She doesn't approve of this guy. The reason she doesn't approve is because she knows "hes probably screwing every girl he can" I understand where she's coming from and I know this might be true, but to be honest, it doesn't bother me.

I don't even know what I'm asking here. I just am kind of venting I guess. Whenever I like a guy, my mom never ever approves. Or at least she doesn't approve of the idea of me getting serious with a guy. AHHH!!

Im just so stressed right now with this and the fact that my parents don't want me to go out of state for college. They just don't understand that I want to move out of this state, and therfore I want to go out of state so maybe I will find a place I like and move there when I graduate.

And my dad is driving me up a wall. And he doesn't even know about this guy. But I know that they will both flip when he comes home and I want to go out with him. They won't want me to. And talkng to them doesn't help because "i am always wrong".

Oh and I know they won't let me go anywhere with him until they meet him, but considering I've never formally met him in person (just seen him around school), I want to meet him before they do. You know?

And I guess id have to do that behind there backs, which I really don't want to do.

Ahh I'm so stressed and confused.

justcurious55 · Jul 11, 2009, 05:12 PM

Your parents house, your parents rules. We've all had to go through the same thing. I know how frustrating it can be. Maybe you can try going out with him in a group setting. And once you've gotten to know him that way, then introduce him to your parents. Who knows, maybe once you hang out with him you won't even want to date him. And your parents don't want you in a serious relationship right now because you're still young. They don't want to see you get tied down to someone now and risk forgetting who you are or your own goals in life.
And keep in mind, any guy worth dating will be more than willing to meet your family. Any guy I dated had to come to my house first, be interrogated by my family, and sometimes threatened (sort of jokingly... haha) by my uncle. Any guy that couldn't go through it for me wasn't worth dating.

jaimie02 · Jul 11, 2009, 05:51 PM

Well when he comes home for good I will be eighteen...

Its not so horrible for me to get into a relationship at seventeen. And my parents know very well that I will not forget who I am or my goals. At least they should know that, because I have been planning my future since I was two, and no guy is going to get in the way of that.

I was planning to tell my parents I'm going out with the girls the first time I meet him, but really meet up with him in a very public place, and probably have a friend present. Is this wrong?

And I know he will be willing to meet my family. And I know my dad will try to scare him with knives and guns just "casually" lying around the house.

I just don't know how to make my parents understand... I think one of their biggest issues will be the age difference. He is three and a half years older than me.

Anyway, I just need to know how to deal with this without feeling completely guilty (I hate going behind my parents backs, and I am horrible at lying to them).

justcurious55 · Jul 11, 2009, 05:57 PM

Go read what you just posted. You don't want to lie to your parents. You don't want to feel guilty. If you're going to feel guilty, then that right there should tell you if what you want to do is right or wrong.
And right now, 3 years is a big age gap for you guys. You're just graduating high school. Right? He's already graduated. He's coming back from the marine's! Not summer school. You two are at totally different places in your lives. I know, this is not what you want to hear. But maybe you should think about just staying friends with him a while longer. Why rush into dating him?

jaimie02 · Jul 11, 2009, 06:12 PM

You're right. And I know that. And I want to agree with you, because that is the logical thing to do. And the smart thing to do.

But the thing is, I just... I don't even know!

I would agree that it's a big age gap, but at the same time, I am pretty mature for my age. Most people who meet me and don't know my age think I'm older, just by how I carry myself and the fact that I can uphold a mature adult conversation. So I guess I don't feel the age gap when it comes to mentality.

And I'm sorry, but I don't fully understand your point that he is coming back from the marines..

I would say that I am rushing into things because I feel like he is perfect for me. We talk all the time. Not just online, but through phone conversation. And we just click. Ive just never felt this way before.

And I don't want to be that annoying person who makes a post and then argues with all the answers I get, but I'm starting to be that person aren't I??

I have no choice but to be just friends with him for quite a while. After all you can have a real relationship without actually being together. But I definitely feel guilty, almost like I'm doing somehing wrong when I flirt with other guys. I don't even understand why I feel that way.

I know odds are, I probably will not end up marrying this guy. But as of right now he is all that I think of. I am addicted to him.

justcurious55 · Jul 11, 2009, 11:40 PM

You remind me a lot of me. Lol

What I was trying to point out is the different places you are at in your lives. You're not even 18 yet. You couldn't even join the marines right now with out your parents permission. And he's coming back home from being stationed with the marines in another country. It's like a freshman dating a senior. They're just at totally different places in their lives.

At least you realize you can only be friends with him right now. Maybe you're not as stubborn as me (which is a good thing. You don't want to be as stubborn as I was.)

jaimie02 · Jul 12, 2009, 08:36 AM

Lol well thank you, I think.

I know that right now, in this moment, nothing can happen. But I am a pretty stubborn person, and that, I think is why I can't go five minutes without thinking of this guy.

I guess I feel like, you can't help when you meet someone. If we are perfect and we didn't meet now, but in five years, it would be acceptable. But the fact that we met now, is.. well I don't know if that makes sense so I'm just going to stop...

justcurious55 · Jul 12, 2009, 09:24 AM

No, I understand that thinking. Its frustrating. Let me know how it goes when he comes home. Maybe once you see him it will be easier.

jaimie02 · Jul 12, 2009, 09:30 AM

Okay! Thank you.

jaimie02 · Jul 13, 2009, 03:36 PM

Just wanted to let you all know that you were right, and that I shouldn't have let myself fall.

I shouldn't have believed that he cared about me... I was so stupid.

Hes got a girlfriend apparently.

I know I shouldn't make assumptions but it seems that they mustve been fightiing while he was talking to me, and then they apparently made up..

Sorry for wasting everyone's time with this thread...

HelpinHere · Jul 13, 2009, 04:02 PM

Don't worry, you didn't know that at the time, and you wanted advice. It's what this site is here for (the advice, anyway).

However, for more healthy relationships, in the future, please restrict dating to a real tangible relationship.
If you absolutely must have an internet relationship, please wait until you are old enough and make wise decisions about this, such as using a professional dating service, background checks, etc.

jaimie02 · Jul 13, 2009, 04:06 PM

Well the guy is friends with my friends...

And I am being plenty mature.. he just hid this girl... well I was just stupid for expecting him to be honest with me.

HelpinHere · Jul 13, 2009, 04:08 PM

Ooh, I know, I read all three pages (well, four now) I was just saying in case you ever get into a relationship like this, you need a way to know about this so you don't get hurt.

I wasn't calling you immature, either. I was using age (age and maturity aren't the same, to me) as a basis. Because, for example, you must be 18 to sign up for certain dating websites, etc.

jaimie02 · Jul 13, 2009, 04:12 PM

Oh I see.. sorry if I came off a little mean too, I'm just a little on edge.

I actually finally felt like I had something worth living for, and poof, its gone

justcurious55 · Jul 13, 2009, 10:06 PM

Something worth living for? What happened to that whole planned future you mentioned? :)

jaimie02 · Jul 14, 2009, 05:05 PM

Well I mean yeah.

But sometimes its hard to actually WANT to wake up the next day knowing that you're going to have to deal with a dad who is completely insensitive. And knowing that my future is planned, actually kind of stresses me out because I feel like if I screw up one little part of that plan ill be a failure,

This guy actually made me feel like something other than worthless, when I was at a very low point.

But now, I know it was all a charade. I don't know why, and it doesn't make sense, but he played me.

justcurious55 · Jul 14, 2009, 10:22 PM

Yeah. Sometimes guys are jerks like that (I guess girls too).
It's great to have a plan for the future, just remember, you don't have to stick to every detail of it. Even if I make small plans, that should be simple and easy to stick to, I change the details along the way. Think of it as editing :) to make everything better in the long run

jaimie02 · Jul 15, 2009, 02:59 PM

Thanks Nohelp4u, and everyone else.

I asked him about it today and he said

"she is/was my girlfriend"

I don't know what the hell that means. Hes got to choose one or the other. And he still made it sound like he likes me a lot, so I don't know what I'm going to do. But I guess if he can't make up his mind, ill have to make up mine.

jaimie02 · Jul 16, 2009, 11:17 AM

So I want to know what is wrong with me.

When I told him he needs to choose "is or was" he told me that he can't choose, and he's really confused...

But then I noticed on his FB that his relationship status changed from SINGLE to ENGAGED??

So most people would just say "See ya", but for some reason I still want it to work out. Like I can't just leave it alone...

What is wrong with me??