[rachelmc]

My boyfriend lives with his grandma and dad. Back in November when my boyfriend wouldn't answer his cell phone, I would call their house phone, let it ring twice, then hang up without saying anything. They didnt/dont like me so I didn't want to talk to them.. I did this to get my boyfriends attention. After awhile, his grandma/dad got sick of it, I was told by two cops not to call again, but I did anyway. I was scared yes, but for some reason I called again. In December, they charged me with harassment. Yet, I called again a month later when boyfriend didn't answer. So this time, I got arrested and I now had two charges.. 1st degree misdemeanor. I got a lawyer, he was able to make it only one charge & make it 4th degree. That was in April. The judge said he'd hold 30 days in jail and put me on probation for a year. He said to stay away from my boyfriends grandma and her grandsons (not including my boyfriend). I never called that house again. Due to obsessively calling/texting my boyfriend, he changed his number back in may (we have been on and off). Now, I still don't have his number but he has mine and calls restricted. After awhile, I thought it was OK to use his brother to talk to him for example if my boyfriend said he'd call, and didn't by a certain time, id text his brother and tell him to tell my boyfriend to call me. This got annoying to him, and his dad found out one day, called the cops. But they decided to not charge me as long as I promise them I won't do it again. Im relieved they aren't pressing charges otherwise I would definitely go to jail. But, I know the cop told me she has to send the report in to the judge and my probation officer. I can't sleep or eat or anything. What are the chances of me going to jail? I know you don't know, but what usually happens in less serious cases like this? The cop counted calls from me to my boyfriends brother in four days-20 calls. I know, it's ridiculous. Im scared for my life. Another question- the cop said for me to think of ways to prevent myself from calling, since "court didnt work". But Im not sure what exactly would make me stop. I have obsessive behaviors, obviously. Im seeing a counselor. Now what?

[N0help4u]

From the very first part where you started saying you were calling repeatedly I thought obsessive compulsive. You should get in counseling to learn to overcome your impulsiveness, co dependency and to improve yourself control issues. A large part of it could be co dependency that you feel the urge to constantly call to hear his voice or check up on what he is doing.

Then you can have it put in your probation officers reports that you are being pro active because you sought out help on your own.

***Edit
I didn't notice that you said you are in counseling
That is good get it in your file with your probation officers asap.

These are definitely signs of lack of self control, co dependency, impulsive, compulsive obsessive issues

....when my boyfriend wouldn't answer his cell phone, ....
.... i did this to get my boyfriends attention.....
....Iwas told by two cops not to call again, but I did anyways....
... but for some reason I called again....
....yet, i called again a month later when boyfriend didnt answer.....
....I never called that house again. due to obsessively calling/texting my bf, he changed his number back in may (we have been on and off).....
..... After awhile, I thought (you assumed because it was what you wanted) it was OK to use his brother to talk to him for example if my bf said he'd call, and didnt by a certain time, id text his brother....
....the cop counted calls from me to my boyfriends brother in four days-20 calls.....

[rachelmc]

I am in counseling. Obviously it's either not working or I need to go more often. I go once a week. Maybe I need a psychiatrist or something. What would make them think that I sought out help on my own? I'm planning to call the cop back first thing in the morning, and I feel sick to my stomach. The fact that they don't want to press charges makes me relieved though. Otherwise it would be straight to jail. But there are so many details to consider, like the fact that I am obsessive, the fact that his brother texted ME first. What are the chances do you think

[N0help4u]

But there are so many details to consider, like the fact that I am obsessive, the fact that his brother texted ME first.

That is why it is good that you got into counseling. It is up to you to make it work. You need to have determination and wake up to your habits and why you do them.

The fact that the brother texted you first may look good on your behalf on paper but in court you still went against the order. You used his calling as an excuse to get what you wanted. That doesn't make it okay. Ignorance of the law is no excuse that is the way the Judge sees it.

[rachelmc]

***Edit
I didn't notice that you said you are in counseling
That is good get it in your file with your probation officers asap.

These are definitely signs of lack of self control, co dependency, impulsive, compulsive obsessive issues[/QUOTE]

They know I'm seeing a counselor, that was one of the things that the judge said I HAVE to do, is continue my counseling.

[rachelmc]

That is why it is good that you got into counseling. It is up to you to make it work. You need to have determination and wake up to your habits and why you do them.

The fact that the brother texted you first may look good on your behalf on paper but in court you still went against the order. You used his calling as an excuse to get what you wanted. That doesn't make it okay. Ignorance of the law is no excuse that is the way the Judge sees it.

I agree. I'm so mad at myself for this. But I feel like there is nothing I can do now, that I will go to jail and that's it. Although, I think since it is not a serious serious case, they may just extend my probation time or make me do community service. I am so scared right now.

[N0help4u]

There are at least a couple people on here that may be able to tell you what to expect next as far as the Judge.
Do not call any of them any more. When you are compulsively calling guys and can't control yourself it is very unattractive to guys and a real turn off. Insecurity is one of the biggest reasons young girls end up losing their boyfriend.
It is self defeating and you are being your own worst enemy in trying to keep a boyfriend when you do that. It's a wonder he is still with you after all that you have put him through.
I even know girls that have caused their bf's to lose their jobs because they were so insecure that they called their job 20 times a day. You don't want to be like that, you'll never have a good relationship.

[rachelmc]

I know =[ We have had many arguments about this. I am ashamed and embarrassed. And I am surprised my boyfriend is still with me too. But we don't get along as well anymore. It's starting to feel like more of a "friends with benefits" type thing :-/
Which people can tell me what to expect?
Thanks for your replies.

[N0help4u]

I am sure they will be on here by tomorrow.

[N0help4u]

Also you need to not do the friends with benefits thing because that will only make things harder with your progress at counselling
Because you will have a hard time separating your emotions from your not having him as more than friends with benefits.

[N0help4u]

I called the jail today because I had to find out about my boyfriend (in a similar situation- breaking probation). He wasn't getting his mail for whatever reason, the post office or his sister going over and stealing it. He missed a court review so he turned himself in because they put a warrant on him for missing. Anyway I called there today and they said that since it is under probation violation he has to sit 3 to 4 weeks before a hearing.

I would advise you to keep on top of finding out if there is a warrant on you and turn yourself in if they do put one out on you.
There should be a website that you can check on warrant status'.

[JudyKayTee]

Not all States have warrant sites - what State? I missed it if it was posted.

Otherwise, "nohelp" has given you good advice.

And no one but the Police and the Judge know what will happen in Court.

[rachelmc]

Ok.. so this happened last Thursday. I have called the cop once each day because she said she'd let me know when she knows anything. Well, boyfriend told me they decided not to press charges and that his dad told the cop that.. so then why didn't she call me and let me know? I have been leaving her a message each day just saying to get back to me. But she doesn't. I know what time she works.. maybe this means there is nothing to worry about?
Also, wouldn't someone tell me if there was a warrant out for me? How can they expect anyone to know without telling them?
I am seeing my probation officer on Thursday this week, for our monthly meeting. What should I tell her/ask her? I feel like this is already behind me since nothing has happened for almost a whole week.. nothing about court, nothing about anything at all.

[N0help4u]

Sometimes if the law feels something is bad enough or some other reasons THEY can pick up the charge that was dropped and charge you anyway. Right now you being a minor (?) and this being your not having any prior record or anything (?) they may feel it is not worth pursuing but want to give it more thought or even leave you worrying so that it sinks in.

If there is a warrant then they do need to tell you to turn yourself in or come and pick you up.

[rachelmc]

Sometimes if the law feels something is bad enough or some other reasons THEY can pick up the charge that was dropped and charge you anyway. Right now you being a minor (?) and this being your not having any prior record or anything (?) they may feel it is not worth pursuing but want to give it more thought or even leave you worrying so that it sinks in.

If there is a warrant then they do need to tell you to turn yourself in or come and pick you up.

Oh OK, yea I forgot that the cop said that last week they can charge if they think it's bad enough. But, I haven't heard back from her, AND I have called her everyday except today. But she never gets back to me. What does that mean?
And I am 19, not a minor. I have not spoken with any cops, my probation officer or anyone about this. Does that mean I should leave it alone? Or be worried?

[N0help4u]

It is always best to report everything to your probation officer because when they think you were purposely trying to hide something they do not like that one bit.