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laladada · Jul 13, 2009, 07:34 AM

I've been reading many posts on here for a while now and have decided to ask advice for myself.
Well here it goes. I had been with this girl for almost 5 years. All through high school and a little before that. We started as really good friends and just got closer and closer. We've grown together and have learned through each other. I was basically a part of her family and she was a part of mine. We went on countless trips with each other and were always together and were happy with each other for the most part. We had are fights and arguments but we always figured them out. The first 3-4 years were great but I have to admit that the last year of our relationship I took it for granted. I would reject some things that she wanted to do simply because I did not want to do them or I would rather hang out with my guy friends. This got worse and worse and I simply was too ignorant guess to see what I was doing. She would bring this things up every once in a while but I did not make a big enough effort to truly change. I am not saying that she never did anything wrong but I know that I messes up and I realize it more than ever now. About a week before graduation she said that she needed about a week long break. I did not want it but I agreed to it. After a week was up we started hanging out again like we used to but after a couple of days she dropped it on me. She said that she "Still loved me but just not in that way anymore". She said she wanted more freedom and wanted a change. She was crying as she said this so I know how hard it was for her to do this. I am not mad at her because she is being completely honest with me and that is all I want.
I took it hard and for the next couple of weeks was a wreck and did some things I regret. I was pathetic and did everything that could push her away such as begging for another chance countless times and pretty much being a clingy bug. After all this I have realised that no matter what I do right now I cannot change the way she feels. I've been going about 2 weeks now with NC. The thing is that we are both attending the same college this fall. I want to move on and stop thinking about her but I am afraid of what going to the same college might bring. I know that we will both be meeting so many new people while at college but still the thought of just seeing her around with another guy makes me sick. She has been a huge part of my life and this has been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. Thanks for reading and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

kctiger · Jul 13, 2009, 07:38 AM

My advice: enjoy getting to know new people, learn new things and just being an independent person. I would be willing to be you will have more fun not being attached to someone while in college, so I think this is a true blessing for you.

Don't worry about the what ifs, "what if I run into her, what if she has a new boyfriend;" that type of stuff... worry about yourself, having fun and soaking up the joys of college life. 5 years is a LONG time, so it will take some time, but you will have plenty of distractions along the way. If you do run into her, be polite, but short and simple, and keep moving forward.

jmooney527 · Jul 13, 2009, 07:54 AM

Try to focus more on yourself than her. Hopefully the college isn't small so you don't run into her all the time. If you do, just do as KC says... be quick with a "hello" and move along.

There will be PLENTY of distractions at college for you to keep busy. Try to enjoy the single life you have been given and live it up!

You've learned your lesson from the "friends after breakup" deal... so you know you need to continue to avoid her and not talk to her.

laladada · Jul 13, 2009, 09:38 AM

Yea the college has about 20 thousand students so hopefully I won't be seeing too much of her, thanks for the help.

talaniman · Jul 13, 2009, 09:38 AM

I agree with the others, and think you should keep the No Contact, and start getting a life without her in it.

It's a hard road to travel, after such a strong, and long attachment, but for your own growth, and learning, put your best foot forward toward an exciting time of your life.

Some of the best things in life are gotten through hard work, and effort, so embrace your freedom, and remember all the good times, and make even more good memories for yourself.

This is probably your first life lesson, but there will be many more.

laladada · Jul 13, 2009, 09:50 AM

One more thing, I know that I need to focus on moving on and focus on me but I still have that hope that someday we will get back together, will it just take time for this hopeful thought to go away?

paxe · Jul 13, 2009, 09:59 AM

She left you and I think it's the end of it. 5 years is a long time and you should have more experience. Move on, stop thinking about her and with college coming you'll have the most fun in your life.

007bradz · Jul 13, 2009, 10:00 AM

Just meet a new gal, flirt with her and that thought will vanish.

jmooney527 · Jul 13, 2009, 10:40 AM

Originally Posted by laladada

One more thing, I know that I need to focus on moving on and focus on me but I still have that hope that someday we will get back together, will it just take time for this hopeful thought to go away?

Yes it will go away in time. Time heals wounds as well as emotional attachments. Start figuring out what you want to do with your life (gym, hobbies, etc) and what makes you happy as an individual. After some time you start to think more with your head than your heart about this.