[Tuesday]

A friend of mine (seriously it's not me lol) has the most controlling mother ever, she has a set time to be home, a set bedtime where she's actually forced to go to sleep. Her mom calls her about 20 times a day and asks her a million questions and my friend just does everything she says and answers them all. Her life is completely run by her mom and she's 17, turning 18 in less than a month. What can she do/say to her mom to get her to back off? Her mom is completley *****y and out of her mind but surprisingly the two of them still have a decent relationship even though they fight a lot they still talk about a lot too but her mom is really judgemental and mean to her. It's just that she's SO overprotective she treats her daughter like a 9 year old, barley letting her go to the mall by herself a year ago... Her dad is totally the opposite, really chill but her mom still pulls rank and always gets her way. What can she do?

[marshbog7]

I suppose she could make use of the decent relationship she still has and talk to her mother about it. Saying things like
~ I know you want me to be safe but how will I know what the dangers are if you don't let me learn for myself
~ How can I be responsible if you won't let me show you
~ let me do *example: things by myself* for one day and show you that I am trust worthy.

[valinors_sorrow]

Fret not, Tuesday - kids have a way of growing up despite the seemingly crippling attempts of codependent parents. The really interesting thing about this deal is-- it will eventually solve itself. Time will create the opportunity for your friend to grow and eventually make her own way in the world. In fact, time is running out (for the mom, not your friend) and it sounds like your friend is handling it all with some amazing grace-- good for her! At separation (moving out, off to college, marriage, whatever) the emeshed parent-child relationship either fails or is redesigned for the new circumstances. Some parents cannot let go. It heats up all the way to separation and then some actually become destructive at that point. Fortunately it is possible to survive being estranged from even the most destructive parent -- I know this firsthand-- but there are many more options besides that to employ depending on the details of the circumstances.

[jurplesman]

Please learn about being assertive in Getting Off the Hook (start at page 36) which is freely available on the internet.