[tdmce]

Some friends suggested I play social netball with mixed teams every Thursday night as a way of getting exercise and meeting new people which I thought would be good. But I've just found out that my ex will be playing in a different team, which means I would probably play against her and see her every Thursday.

I don't think I could handle seeing her flirt with anybody else or even just seeing her until I'm over her and the hurting has stopped.

Do you think that I should pull out of the social event until I feel like I can handle it better?

[Skell]

Don't play netball if she will be there.

It won't be good for you.

Find something else to play. Another venure maybe. Tell your friends your concerns and maybe they will be willing to change nights or where you play.

[tdmce]

It's a professionally run social thing, so can't easily change it. I've already paid my registration fee, but I don't care about the money. Have asked them if it is possible to pull out of the team and maybe join in later on if I'm up to it.

Feel like I will let down the team, but I'm not up to playing so I better look after myself first.

[Skell]

If it is only a social thing then your friends should understand.

I really don't think it is advisable to put yourself in a position to see her every week. It really won't help.

I'm srue if you tal to your friends about your concerns they should understand.

[Gangster1]

She's cheating on you man! Move on already! Try your best like you don't give a F***! Don't answer her calls or text her back even if it hurts! She will come back crawling to you in 2 weeks!

[Skell]

Gangster just because that happened to you doesn't mean it will happen here.

She may not come back and you shouldn't assume that.

I do agree though that not having contact with her or answering her calls for a while is a good idea.

But it may not make her come 'crawling back in 2 weeks'.

[tdmce]

I've pretty much accepted the fact that she needs to be single to sort herself out now. One of her best friends has asked if she can come round and talk to me tomorrow night, so maybe I'll learn more about what is going through my ex's head from her.

Either way, I'm putting all my effort into keeping myself busy and hanging out with friends, family and getting lots of exercise. So I'm doing a lot better. I still find it the hardest at night times when I hop into bed alone, that seems really weird and makes me think about her. But time should fix that too.

[Skell]

Don't go pouring your heart out to the best friend. It won't work
Act as if you are int control and cool with everything.

The friend of hers isn't on your side. She is on your ex's. Crying, begging etc to the friend will come across very bad.

Just be under control and cool. In fact are you going to really get any answers out of talking to the friend. I think not. I wouldn't even bother.

Time to worry about you.

Tell the friend that your busy doing other things with other friends because frankly the friend will do nothing to help your cause other than confuse you more!

[tdmce]

Well the method of cutting off contact has obviously worked. She texted me tonight saying she misses me and has made a huge mistake and wants to talk.

Now what do I do.. I still really love her, but I don't want her to walk all over me again.

Regardless of what anybody says, I'm still making her move out, I think she needs to learn a lesson about looking after herself as she got used to me doing everything for her.

[Skell]

Good man. Stick to your guns. If you think that is what you want and is best for the two of you then that's a good idea. But just beware, her moving out may be another catalyst for her to think that she doesn't want a relationship.

No contact does work.

I wouldn't be so keen to let her come running back to your open arms. After all she didn't have to think too hard about leaving.

Do things on your terms for a while now. Don't just let her waltz back in as she pleases. She has to earn it in my opinion.

Regardless, you both have heaps to work out and talk about. This relationship was broken for all intesive purposes. Why is it going to be different all of a sudden? You both eventually need to sit down and discuss a wide range of issues in your relationship. Then and only then will you be able to know whether it is worht having another try.

As I said are there any reasons things will change all of a sudden. The only reason she is different all of a sudden is because she thinks she is losing you and she wants what she can't have.

If you haven't already text her back then I would wait. Let her think. You also should think.

Maybe tomorrow you could give her a call and tell her that yopu think you both need to sit down and talk. And you can arrange a time when it is convenient for you. Doesn't necessarily have to be straight away.

But if I were you id be seriously thinking about why she all of a sudden wants you back and why it will be better.

[Skell]

You need to in no uncertain terms tell her that you won't tolerate her walking all over you again. These are the things you need to discuss with her in due time.

But don't go running back like a little puppy dog on a leash. That will just hsow her that she can manipulate and use you as she pleases. She will realise she can come and go as she wants and you'll always run back.

Time to prove to her that you isn't that person. Don't just go running back now because she has tugged the lead. Have a spine and do things when your good and ready and at a slow pace.

You also need to LISTEN to any of her problems with you. It isn't a one way street. Let her tell you what she thought you needed to do better and ensure you fix it, OR if you don't want to then say so and end the relationship then and there.

Good luck and keep us posted please!

[tdmce]

It really is amazing how girls work, the thing I need to figure out if she misses me, or misses the fact that she can no longer have me. I guess the thought of her having to move out this weekend and another girl moving in will probably be making her think 'I might actually lose him'.

She asked me to drive up to visit her late last night, I told her I was too tired. So I think I did really well in being strong. She hasn't texted today, so maybe it upset her that I didn't seem keen.

Either way I'm still doing a lot better. So thanks for all the advice. It's definitely made me step back and realise the bigger picture and that I had focused too much of my life on her.

[Skell]

You sound as though you have a pretty good understanding of what's going on.

That's good.

If she really loves you and wants you back then she'll wait. She won't just go running off because you said no to her requests. And if she does then that just proves that she isn't worth it anyway!

[tdmce]

She came round last night (her idea), we talked for ages about us, she flirted and cuddled up to me on the couch. Then it got late and she asked if she could stay the night as she didn't want to drive back. So long story short she shared my bed, told me she doesn't want to get back together and asked me not to make any moves on her!

So I'm kicking myself as I let her screw me over again.

She has had her chance, I don't think she is worth any more of my time / feelings so cutting off contact for good now.

Just thought I'd let you know...

[Wildcat21]

Sometimes no means yes. It's a test - did you try anyway? Seriously. Seriously there a ways of seduction - I know the ladies won't like that - but if you went slow with it - some good things might have happened.

Anyway - don't contact her - leave her alone - make her miss you.

No contact from you.

[Skell]

Either this girl is completelty playing you for a fool or your missing something.
She texts you and says she made a huge mistake and wants to talk, then she comes around and hugs up and flirts but tells you she doesn't want anything.
I think she was just seeing if she still had you and by you letting her come around when she wanted to it proved to her that she still has you where she wants you.
NOT GOOD.
Don't let it happen again. You're gone now. Done play her games anymore!

[tdmce]

My understanding of her is this from what I could get out of her last night...

She thinks I'm the perfect guy (attractive etc), but wants to be able to take off with girlfriends for a year to travel if she wanted. Basically she doesn't want a relationship. I think last night she wanted some familiar company as she was lonely, but didn't want to 'make out' with me.

She texted me before thanking me for letting her stay the night and said have a great day. I haven't bothered replying.

[Skell]

She just wants you there as her fall back guy. Don't let it happen

Your perfect but she doesn't want anyhting. Laughable.

People do this. They keep people where they want them so they can always run back when they want to.

She may very well have feelings for you but right now she is taking advantage of you.
I wouldn't let her. And I wouldn't respond to her anymore.

As hard as it is going to be it is for your own good.

Keep posting here and we will be here to help you through it!

[tdmce]

Saturday night I went to our local night club with my female flatmate and we were sitting upstairs chatting when my ex walks up and notices me, you could tell she was jealous and didn't know how to handle the situation and ignored me and walked by. I then got dragged up onto the dance floor and was having fun when my ex also comes onto the dance floor and starts almost making out with a so called long time 'guy friend'. Again it seemed like she wasn't really into him and was just trying to make me jealous. I guess it worked but I tried to just focus on having my own fun. Anyway ended up leaving about 2.30am and then got a text from my ex at 4.30am saying 'did I her'. I didn't reply until the morning and simple said. "Should text when drunk, no I didn't her or anybody else". She replied saying sorry for sending me the text and wanted to come round to see our dog. When she came round she was so flirty again, I told her I wasn't interested and would keep pushing her off me, she got ty with me and then left.

Later that night I texted her saying this isn't working for me and I'm sick of you messing with my head and have had enough and want to not text or see her until I'm over her. She texted back about 3 more times saying

"don't be stuipd why would u say that? it'd b a bit hard anyway with moo and you know we are better than that!"

Then

"I don't think that's a good idea at all, don't you think it'll just make it weirder in the long run? I'm not saying we have to see each other every day just 1 or twice a week?"

Then

"Thats not gonna work tho coz I'm still going to be here. I'm not messing with your head on purpose. We need some compromise coz i can't not see you! We'll talk 2moro nite nite."

And that is where things are at. I'm going to insist today that she leaves me alone. This is the third time when she gives me the impression something may happen, but then makes me feel like it was all in my mind and reminds me that we are just friends.

I just keep going back to square one and having to recover again which ain't much fun.

[JoeCanada76]

Look back on my previous answers.