What Can be done?

AllisonStevens · Jul 10, 2009, 12:55 PM

I have a 5 year old daughter whose biological father has never been around in her life. He has not done anything for her nor has he ever even attempted to. My husband of 5 years has been the only father she has ever known and is wanting to adopt her. What can be done to terminate my daughters biological fathers rights? Many people have suggested filing abandonment charges against him. He would never voluntarily sign his rights over. Is there anything that can be done?

ScottGem · Jul 10, 2009, 01:03 PM

First, did you ever file for support from the bio father?

If the bio father will not relinquish his rights, there is little you can do. The people who have advised filing abandonment don't know the law.

However, if you have never filed for support then do so now. If you have filed then go through the courts to enforce it. That may provide the incentive for him to relinquish rather then deal with support.

AllisonStevens · Jul 10, 2009, 01:12 PM

I never filed for support. I do not want anything from this man. I just want my husband who is her father to legally be her father beings how he is the one who supports her and gives her a loving father daughter relationship.

stevetcg · Jul 10, 2009, 01:20 PM

Originally Posted by AllisonStevens

I never filed for support. I do not want anything from this man. I just want my husband who is her father to legally be her father beings how he is the one who supports her and gives her a loving father daughter relationship.

Except you DO want something from him... you want him to voluntarily terminate his rights. Filing for support provides some leverage.

You will be very hard pressed to get his rights involuntarily terminated. That is a very rare exception usually involving felonies on the part of the unfit parent.

ScottGem · Jul 10, 2009, 01:27 PM

Yes, as Steve pointed out, getting an involuntary TPR is a longshot. You NEED for him to voluntarily relinquish his rights. So you tell him that if he doesn't relinquish, then he will be forcing you to make him live up to his financial responsibility as a parent.

AllisonStevens · Jul 10, 2009, 01:28 PM

However if I file for support then won't that give him the right to see her? She has never seen him and I will never allow him to see her. All that would create is confusion in her life. Like I said tthis man has never done anything for her. And she has a dad, my husband who is more than willing to take on all roles and all legal responsibilities as her father.

AllisonStevens · Jul 10, 2009, 01:29 PM

I know he is on drugs, and does not even have a high school diploma. The situation would not even come close to being a safe environment for my daughter.

stevetcg · Jul 10, 2009, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by AllisonStevens

however if i file for support then won't that give him the right to see her? She has never seen him and I will never allow him to see her. All that would create is confusion in her life. like I said tthis man has never done anything for her. And she has a dad, my husband who is more than willing to take on all roles and all legal responsibilities as her father.

He has the right to see her now, if he goes to court and asks for it. Support and visitation are not really related.

AllisonStevens · Jul 10, 2009, 01:42 PM

So even though this man has never even seen her or attempted to see her, if he decides to go to court and wants to see her there is nothing I can do about it? I'm sorry but that just doesn't seem right to me. Why should a man who has done nothing, never bought a diaper, never bought formula, never paid for a dr visit, never been there emotionally for her, have the same rights as me? I do not think so. He is not on her birth certificate, however when I had her I was on MC+ and the state made us take a paternity test in which he was proven to be the biological dad. Now 5 years later she is on my husbands insurance.. He pays for her and he supports her emotionally. NOT HER "BLOOD" father. There's got to be something that can be done about this.

ScottGem · Jul 10, 2009, 01:45 PM

You are not listening to us. It matters not what you want or think fair. It matters what the law is. The law states that he has rights unless he can be proven to be a danger to the child. And I don't see enough to prove that. At the most, if he asks for visitation, he would get, at least, supervised visitation.

If you want your husband to be able to adopt, then you need to get the bio father's rights terminated. Since the courts are not likely to involuntarily terminate, then your option is to get him to relinquish. If he won't voluntarily relinquish then you have apply leverage. And your only leverage is child support.

Your best bet now is to consult a Family Law attorney in your area to explain your options. I doubt if he will tell you anything different, but maybe he knows the local courts better than we do.

One last point. Who's fault is it that he hasn't paid for anything or supported his daughter? Did you ever ask him for anything? Did you ever try to get him involved? I'm not saying you are totally to blame, but you have to look at this from both sides.

Justwantfair · Jul 10, 2009, 01:47 PM

Originally Posted by AllisonStevens

however if i file for support then won't that give him the right to see her? She has never seen him and I will never allow him to see her. All that would create is confusion in her life. like I said tthis man has never done anything for her. And she has a dad, my husband who is more than willing to take on all roles and all legal responsibilities as her father.

The confusion was compounded by your actions, he does have rights. You should have handled this five years ago. Child support and visitation are not related. He is more likely to see a child that he is financial responsible for and he is more likely to handle the financial responsibility of a child he sees and knows.

Unfortunately, you can not just choose who you want to be the child's father. DNA plays its role. If he is an addict who never finished high school that should have been thought about that before fathering a child with him.

Maternal rights aren't exclusive.

AllisonStevens · Jul 10, 2009, 01:48 PM

I am listening to u all and I appreciate your responses, however there has to be something more that can be done, the best interest of the child should play a part in this. And her best interest is to not have him anywhere around and to have her father whom she's known her whole life be her father by law.

AllisonStevens · Jul 10, 2009, 01:50 PM

You well to answer your reply at 16 years of age, I wasn't planning on who I was going to have a child with, and I am not being hateful just trying to get some information and input so please do not be so with me.

Justwantfair · Jul 10, 2009, 01:55 PM

I am not being hateful, I am being upfront. Your legal options are to file for child support and hopefully use that as leverage to have him relinquish his rights.

Your math seems a bit off, a five year old daughter, a five year marriage, a different father for your child and you were 16 when you got pregnant.

You can not choose your child's best interest alone.

EDIT: Or get yourself a really good attorney and hope he doesn't. That's pretty expensive, but it may get you what you want.
You can also ask for him to relinquish his rights, he hasn't tried to use any of his rights thus far.

AllisonStevens · Jul 10, 2009, 01:57 PM

My daughter will be 5 next week, my husband has been around since she was one month old. We have been married 4 years now, sorry my fault for not explaining that.

ScottGem · Jul 10, 2009, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by AllisonStevens

I am listening to u all and I appreciate your responses, however there has to be something more that can be done, the best intrest of the child should play a part in this. and her best intrest is to not have him anywhere around and to have her father whom she's known her whole life be her father by law.

The best interests of the child DOES play a part in this. But so do the rights of the bio parent. You can't just take away his rights. The courts will NOT do it, at least as far as I know.

Originally Posted by AllisonStevens

ya well to answer your reply at 16 years of age, i wasn't planning on who i was going to have a child with, and i am not being hateful just trying to get some information and input so please do not be so with me.

I don't see anyone being hateful, just realistic. You are looking at things from one angle only and that's what YOU think is in the best interests of the child. But the courts have to look at things from EVERY side. AND they have to follow the law.

So, again, consult an attorney who can advise you about what your local courts will do.

stinawords · Jul 10, 2009, 02:42 PM

As already pointed out you can't just have his rights taken away. You will need an attorney for the adoption anyway (even if you do convince the bio father to go along with it) so you may as well get one now and he/she will tell you exactly what your state requires.

AllisonStevens · Jul 10, 2009, 04:04 PM

I have asked him to sign his rights over and he won't do so... says that she is his daughter no one else's

stevetcg · Jul 10, 2009, 04:06 PM

Originally Posted by AllisonStevens

I have asked him to sign his rights over and he won't do so........ says that she is his daughter no one elses

So file for child support. Lets see if he changes his tune when 17% of his paycheck is sent to you.

AllisonStevens · Jul 10, 2009, 04:59 PM

You well he just told me that he will just pay it, that it has never been about the money.

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