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jaimie02 · Jul 8, 2009, 10:33 AM

3 threads merged

So I am not going to say I'm "dating" this guy, because I know an online "relationship" can't be considered "dating".

But I am confused.

There is this guy who graduated in 08 from my school, and went into the marines. He is currently overseas. We were not friends, but I know people who knew him, so when he added me on FB about a month and a half ago, I accepted. Well we started talking as friends, and before I knew it we exchanged phone numbers. He has called me quite a few times, and we always talk forever in the middle of the night.

He is always makign plans of things were going to do when he comes home. And he's always messaging me on FB to tell me he's thinking of me.

On his birthday, he even called me drunk to profess his "love" to me. And I didn't answer because I wasn't at the phone. He then started messaging me on FB and spilled his heart out.

He is 3 1/2 yrs older than me. But things just feel so right. I am willing to wait a year and half for him to come home.

But I sometimes feel like that's really stupid. And people keep telling me that since he's a 20 yro marine overseas, that he is probably hookin up with every girl he sees. And I don't know if I should worry about that. I know I shouldn't tie myself down to him, but its so hard. Especially because he's alwasys calling me babydoll and darling and dear and sweetie, etc.

I feel like I've known him my whole life, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to move on, but I feel like that's the smarter thing to do. WHAT DO I DO?

I wish · Jul 8, 2009, 10:37 AM

You can keep talking to him as a friend and maybe one day when you two are in the same city, you can meet each other in person and see how it goes from there.

But for now, snap back to reality. Nor matter how many times you guys talked these few months, you have not met in person yet, so there's no way to know if your feelings for this guy are real or just an internet fantasy.

So, you should keep on living your life. Meeting new people, going on dates, etc. But there's no reason for you to put your life on hold for another 1 1/2 year for a "possibility".

jaimie02 · Jul 8, 2009, 10:46 AM

I know. And that's how I feel sometimes. But when I flirt with other guys.. I don't know I just feel guilty afterwards.

And when I'm really stressed and about to blow up, the only thing that relaxes me is thinking about him...

If it were just careless flirting, I could move on. But for some reason I feel like its more. Ive been in other "Fake relationships" (online, txting, etc) but I have never felt this way.. not even with real people. Which is what confuses me

I wish · Jul 8, 2009, 11:00 AM

That's fine to feel that way. He might be an amazing guy. Just keep in mind that you never met him in person so you can't know for sure.

It might be great to meet him one day, but don't put your life on hold for that one day. Who knows what will happen in 1 1/2 year.

Mazdadude07 · Jul 8, 2009, 02:45 PM

I'd have to agree, don't necessarily need to go out searching for other guys, but you know?

From overseas point of view, it gives a soldier hope, something to live for, to so look forward to when comes time finally to come back home, with each day passing, he sees one day closer to finally coming home to see/hold what he's been hanging onto all this time, something worth fighting for.

You cannot help who you meet, Destiny/Fate work hand in hand, if no one happens to come along, perhaps it is Fate that is at work...

jaimie02 · Jul 8, 2009, 05:05 PM

So I have a couple other threads discussing my "online relationship"

Problem is I have now become addicted to my computer. I was on for almost 8 hours today. And I sleep with my phone so that I hear it ring if he calls.

He is more than just a crush. Its like an addiction. And I want (no I need) to get to know him better.

I can't wait for him to come home. He comes home for good Jan 2011, but might take leave for xmas.

I know you all say that I should keep my options open, but its getting harder and harder by the second.

I sometimes feel like he's got me under an irreversable spell.
I feel like he's the ocean, and I'm drowning.

Hes written me poems, talks so sweetly to me. Instead of asking what I should do about the "relationship"... I am asking what I can do to get him off my mind for an hour. What can I do to keep myself sane. The smallest things remind me of him. I need help please.

JeffGrizzwald · Jul 8, 2009, 05:49 PM

Why don't you try to meet some other people online. Usually the easiest way to forget someone or change your thoughts is to find someone else. Even if its just another friend online.

N0help4u · Jul 8, 2009, 06:43 PM

Computer addiction is easy to start and hard to break. You need to put it away for awhile like take it to a relatives or something otherwise you will keep being drawn to it.

As far as this guy goes, Have you met him yet? What does he say he wants? What does he say about you?

Kagan88 · Jul 9, 2009, 02:50 PM

I would express to him how you feel... I mean it won't hurt anything. Keep yourself open to the possibility of someone else at the same time. I mean if you don't want to don't go out looking for other guys but don't close yourself off to some that might come your way.

babyshooter11 · Jul 10, 2009, 12:31 AM

Maybe you're so attached to this guy because you don't see him that often and so you're letting your imagination go wild about him. It's like you have taken this guy and made your own image of him by dreaming about all of the good things he could be but haven't seen what he really is yet. I hope that sense and helps a little bit.

N0help4u · Jul 10, 2009, 04:37 AM

If you really are interested in him it doesn't mean you can't have a life. Just don't get involved in a relationship if you want to eventually be with him.
You can go out as friends with friends and have a life. But if you do get involved with someone then when he does come back you might still be with the other one. If you do start dating someone else it is only fair to tell him.
He may have had his eye on you before he went to the Marines but didn't have enough nerve up to tell you.

jaimie02 · Jul 10, 2009, 04:14 PM

Nohelp4u, I have not met him but a lot of my friends have. He says that he wants us to hang out when he comes home. He is always so sweet to me.

And I don't know that much about him, but I do know that from what he has told me and what I've heard from mutual friends, he seems to be exactly the type of person I've been looking for.

To stop talking to him is not an option, as I have gone a week without talking to him while I was on vaca and I nearly had a breakdown.

I just need to know how to get him off my mind while I'm trying to be in a conversation, or watch a movie, or hear a song.

N0help4u · Jul 10, 2009, 04:18 PM

You keep thinking of him because of the anticipation of your expectations.

jaimie02 · Jul 10, 2009, 04:24 PM

Okay. That makes sense. So how do I stop?

jaimie02 · Jul 10, 2009, 04:28 PM

Nohelp4u, thank you. That makes perfect sense. I should go on with my life, and just pay attention to what's going on around me so that I don't make a mistake that could potentially hurt him too. Of course, if I find someone with a stronger connection, I can move on.

However, I don't think that he even noticed me before he left. Lol. He actually had a girlfriend then. They broke up after he had left for the Marines. Lol...

Thank you :)

Wondergirl · Jul 10, 2009, 04:35 PM

Originally Posted by jaimie02

Nohelp4u, I have not met him but a lot of my friends have. He says that he wants us to hang out when he comes home. He is always so sweet to me.

And i dont know that much about him, but i do know that from what he has told me and what ive heard from mutual friends, he seems to be exactly the type of person ive been looking for.

To stop talking to him is not an option, as i have gone a week without talking to him while i was on vaca and i nearly had a breakdown.

I just need to know how to get him off my mind while im trying to be in a conversation, or watch a movie, or hear a song.

It sounds like he wants to be in your life too. That should ground you. Keep a journal handy and write about him hourly, every five minutes, whatever. Then move into an activity that demands concentration--crossword puzzle, jigsaw puzzle, walk the dog, volunteer at a library or hospital or nursing home or animal shelter, wash the kitchen floor on your hands and knees, etc.

jaimie02 · Jul 10, 2009, 04:51 PM

That makes a lot of sense. Thank you. I will try that. Because I know all my friends are so annoyed with me right now because he is ALL I talk about. Maybe a journal might help some.

Thanks

Wondergirl · Jul 10, 2009, 04:56 PM

Originally Posted by jaimie02

That makes a lot of sense. Thank you. I will try that. Because i know all my friends are so annoyed with me right now bc he is ALL i talk about. maybe a journal might help some.

Thanks

Write short stories about him as the hero, the savior, the knight in shining armor saving the princess (you) from the dragon. Make him the center of your writing life. That puts him into a special basket in your life, and will allow you to do other things, knowing your special basket is there waiting for you, for another story about him. Meanwhile, when you think about him, concoct scenarios and plots for stories. At least your thoughts about him will be productive.

It has worked for me for almost six years.

jaimie02 · Jul 10, 2009, 05:00 PM

Lol I kind of do that now... when I'm thinking of him. I have actually woken up in the middle of the night with lines for poems popping into my head lol.. and he's sensitive. He has written a poem for me and posted it as his Status on FB. (then got a lot of crap about it from his guys)

Sorry that was a little rambling. But thanks again and I will def try this and try to let you know how it works :)

Wondergirl · Jul 10, 2009, 05:09 PM

Originally Posted by jaimie02

Lol i kinda do that now... when im thinking of him. I have actually woken up in the middle of the night with lines for poems popping into my head lol.. and hes sensitive. He has written a poem for me and posted it as his Status on FB. (then got a lot of crap bout it from his guys)

Sorry that was a little rambling. But thanks again and i will def try this and try to let you know how it works :)

YAY! Maybe we will meet on FB someday and I can read your stories.