Check out some similar questions!

G8fulMomof2 · Jul 9, 2009, 07:56 AM

Yesterday morning our family cat of 1 1/2 years got hit by a car and died. I am heart broken, and haven't yet told my 4 year old daughter and 7 year old son. I have been debating on telling them at all, or telling them she ran away, but I feel like this could be a lesson of life and death. While we aren't huge on just heaven or hell, or God, we still believe in something, and that we all go somewhere. I am lost for words as we have never had anything like this happen, and honestly, I don't know how to tell them, or answer the questions that they'll have.
My husband buried our cat last night, and marked the area with a large stone.
My question is, should I tell my children what happened? Or should I protect their feelings while I can, and tell them she ran away?

Thank you!

Perito · Jul 9, 2009, 08:00 AM

I have been debating on telling them at all, or telling them she ran away, but I feel like this could be a lesson of life and death.

My question is, should I tell my children what happened? Or should I protect their feelings while I can, and tell them she ran away?

"Protect their feelings?" Lying to them won't protect anything, and definitely not their feelings. Tell them the truth. They will be able to handle it. We all need to learn how to cope with bad things that happen. As your children get older, they will have to face many hard things. You want them to learn how to deal with them, don't you. The very best thing to do is to tell them the truth: The cat got hit by a car. If you aren't comfortable with the heaven thing, you don't have to mention it.

G8fulMomof2 · Jul 9, 2009, 08:11 AM

Very true, and I agree. Thank you for that.

88sunflower · Jul 9, 2009, 08:23 AM

You never know how they will react until you tell them. My sons fish died and I had no clue what to do since he is real emotional. Well I said he was in heaven now and he is an angel watching over us. His reaction was "wooo hooo now we can get a new one" Yep I guess in the end it wasn't so bad for him after all.
Take the chance and be honest. It's a life lesson.

KISS · Jul 9, 2009, 08:41 AM

Yep, you need to be honest. It will help your relationship with your kids now and later.

Have a small memorial service of sorts. Maybe even have the kids bury something to be with the cat. A favorite small toy. They have to learn the process one way or another.

I was 3 YO when my grandmother died in bed in front of me. I touched her in the casket. It was like touching a rock. I still won't touch dead people to this day.

HotPotato2009 · Jul 9, 2009, 09:17 AM

Tell them that the cat has gone to a better place

jenniepepsi · Jul 9, 2009, 09:41 AM

Lying doesn't do good for anyone.

My daughter was 3 when our dog died.

The best way to do it is to explain that everything dies in its own time. Sometimes its unexpected and sad. Explain that the cat is happier and in a better place. (doesnt have to be heaven, whatever you believe)

My daughter was a little sad about the death of our dog, but she still to this day remembers her fondly and has a clear, honest, and healthy understanding of death.

You may have to answer the questions 'am I going to die, will I get hit by a car and die, when will I die, when will you die mommy?'

Its best to answer as honestly as you can. You don't know when someone is going to die. But that they shouldn't be afraid of it.

justcurious55 · Jul 9, 2009, 10:01 AM

My cat had to be put down when I was in about first grade. And then a couple years later our dog got out and got hit by a car. My parents told me the truth. I didn't really care about the dog, it was very much my brothers dog so he took it hard. But I cried all night about the cat. Then I remember being distracted with my favorite ice cream and cartoons :) honesty is the best policy. Ice cream or something happy for afterwards never hurts though.

artlady · Jul 9, 2009, 10:11 AM

Sad as this is ,it is an opportunity to discuss and understand a difficult life lesson.

Be honest about it.

Sad to say,it is better they learn about loss through a beloved pet than a family member or friend.

As others have stated,a memorial service will help them as well.
If you lied and said she ran away ,they would be anxious for her return.

Honesty is the best policy here.Children are much more resilient than we give them credit for.
Best of luck!

redhed35 · Jul 9, 2009, 10:18 AM

There's really not much more I can add,only from my own experience,when the family dog died when my children were small I told them he ran away,they put up posters,went out looking for him,worried he was alone.. it was a disaster.. it was only years later I told them the truth..
They looked and worried about that dog for weeks.
Honesty here,is really the best way.

shazamataz · Jul 10, 2009, 09:43 AM

Coming from a dog show family since I was born I can relate.
I have been around animal death my whole life, it's just a sad fact of life.

When I was little my parents explained to me exactly what had happened, the dogs had moved on and they were in a much better place where they could run free, play all day and have all the food they want.
They buried the dogs in the garden and we had little crosses made up for them, they encouraged me to 'visit' them and talk to them if I wanted and that they would know I was there.
We always buried them with their favourite things, mum and dad would pick out a blanket and I would pick out a toy for them.

Life and death lessons are hard, but the younger you do it, the better it is on the kids in the long run.

Here is a poem for you that helps me when a pet passes away.

<Rainbow Bridge>