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inaquandry2 · Jul 9, 2009, 04:26 AM

Last night my (6 foot tall) 14-year-old son was angry with me and he squeezed my arm with all of his might. After he did that, he made a motion that showed me that he wanted to choke me - moving his hands violently near my neck, as if he were ready to do it. He clearly was thinking about choking me. At that point, I slapped him in his face. He was immediately grounded (from the computer and TV) and sent to his room. He had shown earlier that he was very, very close to physical violence with me and my husband. Finally, it has shown its ugly head. I was in shock. In fact, my husband and I were fearful to go to bed. Husband asked me if I thought it was safe to go to bed. I asked him what he meant (thinking he meant that our son might hurt himself.) He said he feared for OUR safety. Either way, it's horrible, horrible I'm not sure who I should call - psychologist, psychiatrist, anger management counselor. I should have phoned the police last night. I was just in shock and disbelief.

danielnoahsmommy · Jul 9, 2009, 04:29 AM

Nip it in the bud. Get him some help now and a lock onn your bedroom door if you are this frightend. There must be other things going on if your husband and you are this fearfull.

zippit · Jul 9, 2009, 04:36 AM

You said he's been showing signs,get to the bottom of the signs without overreacting.I know I'm going to get flack for this but really overeacting can be so damaging to the family.I would see what his mood is like today
1.if he's appologizin
2.if he's open to converstions

If you and the husband can sit down and talk about it and he doesn't act like a jerk like he's being forced into it you'll proubably be OK as that being a first step.check for drugs because that's usually a factor in a bad temper.also sleep is very important,does he have a computer/tv in his room that might be keeping him up?good luck

danielnoahsmommy · Jul 9, 2009, 04:44 AM

Sorry I must disagree with Zippit. He has shown signs of a problem with anger, he physically attacked you and you are fearful of your life. You are not overreacting. I'm not saying jail but I would submit him to a 72 hour psychological inpatient exam in a facility that deals with children. Do something before this escalates!

JoeCanada76 · Jul 9, 2009, 04:47 AM

Slapping him will only make the problem worse because your showing violence yourself.

I think the whole family needs counseling.

zippit · Jul 9, 2009, 04:49 AM

I have to diagree back it's that kind of knee jerk response that makes kids go way off track.lock him up for 72 hrs. Just the overeacting I'm talking about

danielnoahsmommy · Jul 9, 2009, 04:55 AM

NO IT IS NOT OVERREATING! My nephew has similar problems. They have tried all methods too no success even medication. Nothing has helped. Mother refuses our insight and the child is suffering socially academically and in every facet of life. Inpatient for 72 hours allows a full evaluation of his condition, counseling and help. It would rule out and underlying psychological, physical or chemical problem. This is what I would do with my own family member. This is from experience.

JoeCanada76 · Jul 9, 2009, 05:28 AM

The thing is, it seems this issue just started. This person is a teenager. We do not know the family dynamics but the mother admits slapping the boy. So there you go, the whole family has a problem and they all need to work it out as a family. There are also two sides to the story. We are only hearing one side. Many people side with the parents but the parents are not always the ones that are in the right. The whole family needs evaluation. The whole family needs counseling.

inaquandry2 · Jul 9, 2009, 05:36 AM

I've never slapped him before. I don't believe in spanking - never have. It was a knee-jerk reaction to slap him and it did in fact help. No I have never done this before, nor has his father.

inaquandry2 · Jul 9, 2009, 05:36 AM

Nor is there any abuse of any kind in this household.

JOX · Jul 9, 2009, 05:41 AM

Try to scold him or frighten him... hes stilll 14 years old and if you don't control him now it may be horrible when he reaches adulthood. Or u can just sit with him and ask if he is facing any problem... something related to his relations or else...

I agree with one of the users that if you are very frightened then you can just lock his as well as your door...

Counselling of your son can help too.

JoeCanada76 · Jul 9, 2009, 06:02 AM

Originally Posted by inaquandry2

I've never slapped him before. I don't believe in spanking - never have. It was a knee-jerk reaction to slap him and it did in fact help. No I have never done this before, nor has his father.

I had my mother slap me, because she did not like what I said. I grabbed her hand and told her if she touches me again I would slap her right back. I was never violent towards anybody. I never did hit anybody, but the slap was unnecessary.

You know what whether it worked or not. You have no right slapping your boy. I do not care what you say. One time event or not. Something led up to this happening. Violence equals more violence. The counselor hopefully will figure out what is going on with the teenager and the family. Whether you admit it or not. It is a FAMILY PROBLEM.

YOU ALL NEED COUNSELING.

danielnoahsmommy · Jul 9, 2009, 06:08 AM

Listen you slapped him! It's done! That is not what caused this problem. You should not lock his door. This is a fire hazard and can be construed as abusive. I believe it may have been heat of the moment, not making excuses for the mom!

A family counselor is a good first step... although my above opinion is my 1st choice if you feel his violent tendencies have escalated.

N0help4u · Jul 9, 2009, 07:14 AM

My son first started getting violent at age 7.
I wouldn't lock him up for 72 hours without first taking him for a psychologist evaluation to determine if they feel he needs it. But I would make sure I told my side of the story to the psychologist because often the offender will paint a rosey picture of themselves and make others out to be the monsters.
The same thing can happen in a 72 hour lock up and you aren't there to give your side.
If you have to call the police immediately because he is acting up again then you most definitely want the 72 hour lock up.

Some times a slap or smack works sometimes it backfires.
You have to make that split second decision at the moment.
Some times it is all there is and they know you mean business if it is something that you never do.

linky · Dec 5, 2012, 12:42 PM

Might be the solution.

Why does a 14 years old kid have so much anger? If he didn't get this anger from home, than maybe something happened at school or between friends. The mother. Has to talk to him, remain calm. You're his mother, you must know how to get in this kids heart and make him open up with you and explain why so much anger. When mothers get angry please don't say ulgy words to your kids, even how angry you are.( such as: you never listen! You never going to grow up! You never going to get anywhere with this behaivour! ).
Please talk to this kid, and the most important thing, try to understand. Don't make him go into the right direction, but guide this kid in the right direction. Guidance is very important. Hope this is helpful.