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daydavis · Jul 8, 2009, 09:51 AM

I do not find my girlfriend sexual attractive anymore but I love her what should I do?

redhed35 · Jul 8, 2009, 09:55 AM

How long have you been together,and what ages are you both?

Its easier to answer questions if there is a little more information.
Regards.
redhed35.

ilovecollin2309 · Jul 8, 2009, 09:56 AM

I smell a whiff of a troll.

Torrid13 · Jul 8, 2009, 09:57 AM

Oof, this is a tough one. How long have you felt this way? If it's been a long time, chances are it's not going to get better.

If you just recently started feeling this way, I wouldn't jump the gun and do something rash. There's always flucuations in relationships, and stages.

However, if it's persistent, I would think it best to end it, or you'll just end up leading her on. Let her know that you really care about her and you don't want to hurt her, but you think it would be best to continue the relationship eventually as friends. Trust me, she's probably not going to want to be friends for a while. Give her that time to heal, and give her the choice of whether she would be eventually be friends, or not.

Whatever her decision, respect it.

Still, it's a tough one.

daydavis · Jul 8, 2009, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by ilovecollin2309

I smell a whiff of a troll.

What does this mean?

daydavis · Jul 8, 2009, 10:13 AM

Originally Posted by redhed35

how long have you been together,and what ages are you both?

its easier to answer questions if there is a little more information.
regards.
redhed35.

7 years

I am 38 years old and she is 40

redhed35 · Jul 8, 2009, 10:15 AM

Hey,it means someone with a double identity on the site.

dreamingartist · Jul 8, 2009, 10:19 AM

Don't think a troll, troll is trolling the forum looking for people to get upset or get kicks out of false info.. but definetally could be a double user...

Regardless you are asking about not finding your GF attractive sexually anymore, but then in another post you refrenced that variety is the spice of life. To get a wig, and toys and porn , etc...

So it sounds like you put yourself in this situation of not being into her by having higher expectations on variety..

You eat vanilla your whole life, then you just love vanilla.

But if you eat 31 flavors at baskin robins for 3 months, then eat vanilla your whole life you'll miss those 30 other flavors..

Torrid13 · Jul 8, 2009, 10:19 AM

Originally Posted by daydavis

7 years

I am 38 years old and she is 40

Wow.
How does one become suddenly unattracted to someone they've been attracted to for SEVEN YEARS? D:

redhed35 · Jul 8, 2009, 10:20 AM

Hey again,getting back to your question.

Torrid13 made a few good points,i.e. if this is just a new thing that has come up.

7 years is a lot to just throw away without exploring other ways to get that spark back.
Have you spoken to your partner about this?
Even just about spicing things up in the bedroom?
Its easy to fall into the routine of daily living and forget that relationships need work to,you get so used to someone being around that you forget the romance in all grocery shopping,work and paying bills.

daydavis · Jul 8, 2009, 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by Torrid13

Wow.
How does one become suddenly unattracted to someone they've been attracted to for SEVEN YEARS?! D:

This is so confusing to me. She is perfect in every way as a girlfriend. Loyal Honest supportive. We cuddle aand massage each oter a lot. She told me one time that I am attractive to busty latina women and I do not find her attractive. She has told me she is not attracive to me. Sex can be the bind thing that makes a relationship stand the test of time? Can it

daydavis · Jul 8, 2009, 10:29 AM

Originally Posted by redhed35

hey again,getting back to your question.

torrid13 made a few good points,ie,if this is just a new thing that has come up.

7 years is a lot to just throw away without exploring other ways to get that spark back.
have you spoken to your partner about this?
even just about spicing things up in the bedroom?
its easy to fall into the routine of daily living and forget that relationships need work to,you get so used to someone being around that you forget the romance in all grocery shopping,work and paying bills.

I have spoeken to her about this. We have also gone to see a familt conselour but that did not work. I asked her to find a sex therpist maybe this would help but she has not. I do not know what to do?

Justwantfair · Jul 8, 2009, 10:33 AM

Attraction is one of the last things to go in a dwindling relationship.

Your lack of attraction probably stems from other issues within the relationship.

Start with the small things to get the attraction back, less bickering, do special things that can keep a relationship fresh, more date nights and focus on a bit more affection.

If it is because her body style is changing, find ways to work out together, walks at night, change up the eating habits of your dinners together.

I don't really think this is uncommon, it's just not something many people would want to face.

Torrid13 · Jul 8, 2009, 10:34 AM

Okay, she's clearly insecure. What is your response to her insecurity? Do you tell her she's beautiful? Argue with her?

Perhaps it's not necessarily that you're sexually unattracted to her, but perhaps her lack of confidence. Perhaps you feel like if she keeps telling you you're not attracted to her, you started to believe it.

You never said how long you've felt this way.

redhed35 · Jul 8, 2009, 10:40 AM

I was just re reading the thread,and the phase 'the 7 year itch' came to mind.
If you are happy with all other aspects of your relationship,and sex and attraction is the issue,justwantfair made excellent suggestions.
Really it boils down to if you want out of this relationship.or you want to work this out.
Only you and your partner can do this together.

makapuu · Jul 8, 2009, 10:43 AM

It's one thing not to be sexually attracted to your partner. Maybe age and hormones are slowing down your sex drive.

It's another thing to not be sexually attracted to your partner, but be sexually attracted to someone else. That would be a problem. Your desires will interfere with your current relationship.

daydavis · Jul 8, 2009, 10:45 AM

Originally Posted by redhed35

i was just re reading the thread,and the phase 'the 7 year itch' came to mind.
if you are happy with all other aspects of your relationship,and sex and attraction is the issue,justwantfair made excellent suggestions.
really it boils down to if you want out of this relationship.or you want to work this out.
only you and your partner can do this together.

Your right we need need to work this out.

jenniepepsi · Jul 8, 2009, 11:14 AM

Have you become depressed? Has she? Has anything in your relationship changed recently?

Perhaps a sexual therepist or marriage counselor could be of help?

Sometimes, a relationship can servive without the sexual attraction.

301103 · Jul 8, 2009, 12:06 PM

Na man
That's bull
Why do yo care about how she looks,
When your in trouble at hard times, or need help and comfort and love
Its from her personality you love
Not her looks
OK understandble you don't find her attractive but surly, you love her more then to satisfy your own needs

j_ely823 · Jul 8, 2009, 01:21 PM

However, if it's persistent, I would think it best to end it, or you'll just end up leading her on. Let her know that you really care about her and you don't want to hurt her, but you think it would be best to continue the relationship eventually as friends. Trust me, she's probably not going to want to be friends for a while. Give her that time to heal, and give her the choice of whether she would be eventually be friends, or not.

--so I mean what about people in their 50's that had been married for decades? You don't just throw away love in the occurrence of the spark being gone (for that time) you just have to rekindle it. Im only 19 and I KNOW that