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l33vsp · Jul 8, 2009, 06:18 AM

Hi could someone tell me where I stand I was in a relationship not married with a guy for 3 month and my son was conceived I told him I was pregnant and he didn't want to know he was into drugs and has been in jail for gbh so I went on as normal had my son paid for everything on my own didn't put a name on the birth certificate I got married 3years ago and been with him for 6years he has always been there for my son and my son thinks he is his daddy my son is now almost 7years old and has never seen this man and out of the blue I get a solicitors letter from him saying that he wants a dna test can he really make me have one done I really do not want to upset my sons life he is a happy little boy and is doing really well at school I do not want this man in my sons life

stevetcg · Jul 8, 2009, 06:35 AM

I cannot speak to specific UK laws, but in the US, the law varies from state to state and in most, yes, the biological father can sue for paternity to gain his parental rights.

If you got a letter from a solicitor I would venture to *guess* that it is legal in the UK also.

I would advice speaking to your own solicitor about it. In most cases like this in the US, you will be granted child support and the biological father will be granted visitation, starting with supervised visits on a regular basis.

Im sorry that this probably isn't the news you wanted to hear. But its accurate at least as far as US law goes, and likely UK as the laws are generally similar.

Lucas2009 · Jul 8, 2009, 06:51 AM

Why do good girls like bad boys? He was into drugs and in jail. UGH!
Okay, putting all that aside. Legally, I don't think you can stop him from seeing his son. However-and NO, I am NOT a lawyer-I do believe you can make things difficult for him. First, get yourself a lawyer. Second, if he insists on having a DNA test and visitation rights, see if you can sue him for back child support. The very idea that he might have to cough up child support money for now, for the future, and for the past years too, might be enough to scare him away. And finally, make sure that any judge who hears your case, knows about this guy's shady past. I don't know the laws where you live, but here in the U.S. the mother usually is favored in court, and past drugs and jail time could knock the father right out of the picture.
Please remember, this is just my opinion, and not "legal advise."

l33vsp · Jul 8, 2009, 06:53 AM

Originally Posted by stevetcg

I cannot speak to specific UK laws, but in the US, the law varies from state to state and in most, yes, the biological father can sue for paternity to gain his parental rights.

If you got a letter from a solicitor I would venture to *guess* that it is legal in the UK also.

I would advice speaking to your own solicitor about it. In most cases like this in the US, you will be granted child support and the biological father will be granted visitation, starting with supervised visits on a regular basis.

Im sorry that this probably isnt the news you wanted to hear. But its accurate at least as far as US law goes, and likely UK as the laws are generally similar.

Thing is I don't want or need anything from him I just don't want to upset my sons life prob best to seek legal advice asap

Thanks laura

l33vsp · Jul 8, 2009, 06:57 AM

Originally Posted by Lucas2009

Why do good girls like bad boys? He was into drugs and in jail. UGH!!
Okay, putting all that aside. Legally, I don't think you can stop him from seeing his son. However-and NO, I am NOT a lawyer-I do believe you can make things difficult for him. First, get yourself a lawyer. Second, if he insists on having a DNA test and visitation rights, see if you can sue him for back child support. The very idea that he might have to cough up child support money for now, for the future, and for the past years too, might be enough to scare him away. And finally, make sure that any judge who hears your case, knows about this guy's shady past. I don't know the laws where you live, but here in the U.S. the mother usually is favored in court, and past drugs and jail time could knock the father right out of the picture.
Please remember, this is just my opinion, and not "legal advise."

Could give it a go it might just work and scare him off

Thanks laura

stevetcg · Jul 8, 2009, 08:00 AM

Originally Posted by Lucas2009

Why do good girls like bad boys? He was into drugs and in jail. UGH!!
Okay, putting all that aside. Legally, I don't think you can stop him from seeing his son. However-and NO, I am NOT a lawyer-I do believe you can make things difficult for him. First, get yourself a lawyer. Second, if he insists on having a DNA test and visitation rights, see if you can sue him for back child support. The very idea that he might have to cough up child support money for now, for the future, and for the past years too, might be enough to scare him away. And finally, make sure that any judge who hears your case, knows about this guy's shady past. I don't know the laws where you live, but here in the U.S. the mother usually is favored in court, and past drugs and jail time could knock the father right out of the picture.
Please remember, this is just my opinion, and not "legal advise."

In the US, you can only get child support backed to when it was filed for, not the last X years.

ANd no, in the US, the mother is not favored in court. The custodial parent IS.

stevetcg · Jul 8, 2009, 08:18 AM

Originally Posted by l33vsp

thing is i dont want or need anything from him i just dont want to upset my sons life prob best to seek legal advice asap

thanks laura

Sorry if this comes off as harsh, but he is the child's father and what you want is not necessarily what the court cares about. If you didn't want him to be the child's father, you shouldn't have had sex with him.

I know... brutal. But exactly how a court will view it.

l33vsp · Jul 8, 2009, 09:27 AM

Originally Posted by stevetcg

Sorry if this comes off as harsh, but he is the child's father and what you want is not necessarily what the court cares about. If you didnt want him to be the child's father, you shouldnt have had sex with him.

I know... brutal. But exactly how a court will view it.

Oh if he had boterd from the start (7years ago) I would have been happy for him to be there and bring up his son and at that point I loved the guy so yeah I was going to have sex with him he was the one that walked away was to young as he said and at the end of the day he hasn't botherd with his son hasn't even met him if he thinks he is going to walk in and out of his life and upset him when he wants then law or no law ill take matters into my own hands

stevetcg · Jul 8, 2009, 09:33 AM

Originally Posted by l33vsp

oh if he had boterd from the start (7years ago) i would of been happy for him to be there and bring up his son and at that point i loved the guy so yeah i was gonna have sex with him he was the one that walked away was to young as he said and at the end of the day he hasnt botherd with his son hasnt even met him if he thinks he is gonna walk in and out of his life and upset him when he wants then law or no law ill take matters into my own hands

I will be the first to admit that I don't know Scottish law, but if its anything like the US law, 'taking matters into your own hands' is a pretty solid way of losing your child.

I understand your passion on the matter, but you need to understand, he is the child's father until a court rules otherwise and has as much right to the child as you do.

I find it unusual that you were served with paternity paperwork without hearing from the father before hand. Usually a court and solicitor is a second or third step. Do you have any guess as to his motivation?