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marshbog7 · Oct 18, 2006, 07:22 AM

Im not sure I am ready to go posting all of my problems its much more than what I have encountered on this site but I don't want to make a start.

Many of the posts I have read are thought provoking, they have lead me to question myself. I don't know what to start explaining and I would feel a lot more at comfort if I was to be asked questions rather the burst out with loads of information about myself.

So what should I start explaining first here's a list of my problems

* Lying
* Insomnia
* Obsession
* Crime
* Sam

There's loads more but they link in sub catergories, can you please ask a question about a certain problem because I will find it easier to explain them one at a time.

Vicky_27 · Oct 19, 2006, 06:10 AM

Hi there - maybe you could start with 'Sam'? Or wherever you feel comfortable, some people on here will judge you but many are caring and helpful. We're here to listen. I choose 'Sam' as I do not understand what this is.

marshbog7 · Oct 20, 2006, 06:11 AM

Well sam is like the worst part of me and the best part of me. I haven't got a split personality because I created sam myself. When I did bad things I used to blame it on sam and say it was the naughty side of me ( when I was young)

In my veiw sam is all the emotions I've ever hid and locked away that have materialized into her. Its hard to explain she is , Rage, Greed, Envy, Hate, Manipulative , cold, Strong, Clever- Sam is Me, but I just tend to hide her.

Now I can't seem to control this sam, I feel like letting her out because along with the bad things she's the good things as well. On the outside I am just emotionless and weak, I go along with the flow. But when I let that side of me out I excel, I'm stronger.

That's what sam is , my dark side.

J_9 · Oct 20, 2006, 06:30 AM

Okay, why don't we go into the insomnia now. Many problems can manifest themselves just by not getting a good nights sleep.

Vicky_27 · Oct 20, 2006, 07:33 AM

Yes - lots of problems can occur because of lack of sleep, tell us how bad it is- how often-if there seem to be triggers-or if it seems to trigger anything?

J_9 · Oct 20, 2006, 07:34 AM

Vicky, I am wondering if many of the problems are due to lack of sleep. How about you?

marshbog7 · Oct 20, 2006, 09:18 AM

I do sleep sometimes for about 3 or 4 hours. When I get home I can't get this sleep unless the place is spotless clean by the time its done I'm not tired. Then there is the film I'm hyperactive at night time so I calm down by getting in to bed and watching a film. By now its usually 3am if I'm nt tired another film comes on. By the time it reaches 7am I see no point in getting to sleep and stay awake then go to work at 9am. This is my usual pattern I have not slept for a week now.

J_9 · Oct 20, 2006, 09:49 AM

Marsh, this sleeping is not in the least bit healthy for you and could be a major contributing factor to most of your problems.

You do not mention your age. How old are you? Are you married? Children?

What kind of work do you do?

marshbog7 · Oct 20, 2006, 10:35 AM

I'm 18. The sleep has been like that ever since I was young. At the age of 6 I would get sent to bed at 8ish and I would still be up until 1am sometimes watching t.v. I'm just very hyper at nightimes it came about after I had night terrors. Any how I work as an assistant at a morgue with my uncle.

J_9 · Oct 20, 2006, 10:37 AM

How about the lying and crime.

marshbog7 · Oct 20, 2006, 11:45 AM

I have been seeing a psychologist since I was 13 after I set a fire in my school. I was caught on cctv but still lied about. Since I've moved house due to stress the lying has almost stopped. I used to fabricate the truth creating stories with lies and then start believing them myself. Now that I think about it . It has really calmed down and I don't see it as a problem. But if threatened by the truth it will probably arise again. As for crime its like I don't realise what I'm doing is wrong . Its like I know they a bad but I never knew it was wrong. I'm very impulsive and what leads me to do bad things is curiousity. If I don't know what something is like I will feel an urge to do it. And once punished it still doesn't register and I do it again! I can't tell the difference from wrong and right that's what it feels like.

J_9 · Oct 20, 2006, 11:47 AM

Marsh,

Are you on any medications?

marshbog7 · Oct 20, 2006, 11:56 AM

Not anymore I was given risperidone an anti.psychotic I think. But I do not see or hear things anymore and if I do I don't realise them they aren't that bad

J_9 · Oct 20, 2006, 11:58 AM

Have you ben given a diagnosis by your psychiatrist?

marshbog7 · Oct 20, 2006, 12:05 PM

Surprisingly not yet although I have a new psychologist that is making an assessment. He has referred me to see another psychiatrist next week. They won't section me will they? Due to my obsession I am worried they think I plan to kill someone

J_9 · Oct 20, 2006, 12:08 PM

Tell me about your obsession. I was thinking it was about the cleaning, but there seems to be more to it.

marshbog7 · Oct 20, 2006, 12:23 PM

My obsession has been with me since I was young I hope you will not be offended by it. Its an obsession with death , violence and murder. The worst of my curiousities. I get thrills from the thoughts but I cannot make them go away. I long to feel what it would be like to kill someone. My obsessions pass in phases but this one has always been with me and when obsessions become too much I can do terrible things. I will break down one day and I admit I do aim to do it but I haven't told them that last bit.

J_9 · Oct 20, 2006, 12:29 PM

Are you saying that you aim to kill someone someday?

marshbog7 · Oct 20, 2006, 12:35 PM

Yes

J_9 · Oct 20, 2006, 12:42 PM

Then you really do need to continue with your therapy and your therapist does need to know this.