[dollarman]

Ok here's the situation.. This girl Ive known for a while and I started dating. At first she had the hots for me and I didn't want her then I recently started pursuing her. We hit it off course, and things were great. Then she started distancing herself, and I just came clean and told her I wanted her blah blah... she then told me she's not ready for a relationship... she's terrified of commitment.. we'd be together if it weren't for men hurting her... blah blah...

Either way she's still been calling me and texting me... light MySpace, light twitter, also told me she misses me. She did tell me last time we spoke that she always has to contact me, and that I've forgotten about her kind of playful but you know she meant it.

My whole reaction to it has been nonchalant... I haven't initiated contact much at all... and when she contacts me I don't rush to answer. I've talked to her friend a couple times and she's leads I believe she xonfused. My question is what's the best course of action? We were never together but I really think we'd make a match. Should I just let her dictate contact, or should I throw some initiative myself? Any help is great appreciated. I tried my best to cut down the story.

[chuff]

I think you are doing everything right. She was into you and pursueing you. When you came around to her and told her she suddenly backed off. Then as you backed off she came back and started up again.

She strikes me as a game player through these actions but I would not iniate more contact or start following her directions like she has asked.

[dollarman]

Chuff! The last person to advise me on my last problem and the first to respond now! How's everything?

You were right too, the more you experience with this, the better it is to handle the bs. I figures it best to let her keep trying, but its nice to tell your story you know?

Should I even respond to her attempts? Or say call back if I miss calls? Don't worry I'm not anxious or anything, just want to dialogue. Thanks!

[I wish]

She already knows how you feel about her, yet from, what you've told us, it seems like she only treats you as a really good friend.

If you can handle a friendship, then that's fine, but I'm not sure if you should be hoping for anything more.

She definitely does seem confused about her feelings, so maybe one day she will come around. But I don't think that you should put your life on hold for her.

[chuff]

Chuff! The last person to advise me on my last problem and the first to respond now! How's everything?

Everything is great. Thanks for asking. Looks like things are good for you as well.

You were right too, the more you experience with this, the better it is to handle the bs. I figures it best to let her keep trying, but its nice to tell your story you know?

Absolutely. Never hurts to get a second opinion or just get some feedback.

Should I even respond to her attempts? Or say call back if I miss calls? Don't worry I'm not anxious or anything, just want to dialogue. Thanks! [/QUOTE]

Well if you are into her, I think you should call back. But I don't think you should do the first call. If she doesn't call for a few days don't call call her, let her call you. If she calls then call her back but keep it short. You don't want to return a call then stay on the phone for 4 hours because she'll know you don't value you time at that point you'll always give it to her.

I think you've done everything right so far. You paid attention to all her signals and stayed ahead. She tried to test you by telling you to call her more and you passed by NOT doing what she said. She's trying to figure out who she's dealing with, because every other time she plays these games guys have fallen for it. You have not. You are a challenge for her now. Keep it up.

[Gemini54]

Seems to me like you're doing OK.

Just keep it laid back with her - if she's got 'stuff' around commitment then let her work that through herself. She wants your attention now because you've backed off after you told her you liked her - so keep it that way.

Keep doing what you're doing - trust your guts - you're doing the right thing.

[dollarman]

Amazing answers everyone!

I figured being on the site before it's a great place to start. Definitely encouraging to hear positive feedbacks up to this point. For someone secretly pursuing someone I feel eerily calm. :) chalk it to experience I guess. Either way, I'll definitely keep my cards hidden. And there's a likelihood she'll call tomorrow. Oh yes! I'm thinking of doing a mixed reception of her calls... sometimes answer, sometimes give it to voicemail and call back... yes? No?

Also, I forgot to mention she is leaving for about a month, does that change my course of action at all ?

Let me know! Thanks in advance!

[dollarman]

It's to a different country I forgot to mention. So phone calls and text messages for the most part will be out of the question. Thoughts? Thanks in advance everyone!

[chuff]

I figured being on the site before it's a great place to start.

It is a great place to start. No need to second guess yourself on everything.

Definitely encouraging to hear positive feedbacks up to this point. For someone secretly pursuing someone I feel eerily calm. :)

Just the way you should be.

chalk it to experience I guess. Either way, I'll definitely keep my cards hidden. And there's a likelyhood she'll call tomorrow. Oh yes! I'm thinking of doing a mixed reception of her calls...sometimes answer, sometimes give it to voicemail and call back...yes? No?

Absolutely. Also when you hang up the first time tell her you'll call back at 6 pm and then call back at 6:10. Give her a little anticipation and wonder as to what you are doing.

Also, I forgot to mention she is leaving for about a month, does that change my course of action at all ?

Let me know! Thanks in advance!!

How long is she going to be gone?

I say no. You don't have anything with her at this point and if anything her leaving helps you in that it gives her time to think about you.

[dollarman]

She'll be gone for a month. Shouldn't make any difference right?

[dollarman]

Quick update...

Posted some pix of a lady and myself on MySpace just a friend but she comments on them. Didn't talk for a couple days.

Today she leaves the states for a month and she called an left a voicemail. I didn't answer but called back. Short conversation really just said bye and well talk when she gets back. Thoughts?

[chuff]

Why did you call her back? Why are you still talking to her?

Let me explain exactly what she is doing because you don't see it. She is keeping you on her leash. You are just her puppy at this point. She calls you and instead of ignore you call back letting her know she has something over you that makes you react to her. Then she says "we'll talk when she gets back" basically keeping you waiting until she returns. If she thought you were important enough she'd call while away. Dude it's 2009, through this very site I can speak to someone in Australia from the USA in the moment. This notion of "I'm going away and we can't talk until I get back may have worked for the crew of Columbus but that was over 500 years ago. What she's really doing is putting a "hope spot" out there for you grab onto but then give herself a reason not to be available while giving you a reason to hope and wait.

My thoughts are the same, quit playing her game and more importantly quit playing this game with your emotions. You deserve to be treated better then this and the only way you can be is to start demanding more from yourself then she is giving you. When she gets back from the one place on planet Earth without cell phones, landlines, internet, email. Snail mail, and wire service don't call her and show her you've been waiting the whole time.

Women notice actions and you can and should take this time to build yourself up and demonstrate through action that she can not stand over you, lying and manipulating your every emotion with her lies and vain attempts at control. Take your own control back and choose not to be at her mercy anymore.

[dollarman]

Haha... I actually laughed after seeing like that. Thanks chuff. I can't argue with any of that, and honestly if I could I wouldn't even want to. It's not like I'm desperate like some of more unfortunate AMHD users... I think I was/am unintentionally playing games. I guess I caught a case of the 'what it's and I let that affect my behavior. Thanks again. I'll probably reread that whenever I feel weird about things.