[basketballb4me]

I am at my wits end! I am a single parent of a 16 yr old boy(only child) who has just made me feel like I am nothing. I know he is a teen and that he is fighting for his independence but I am tired of the fighting and disrespect that he has shown to me. I have given him everything and always been there for him and he has just taken me for granted. This weekend was the 4th of July a time when family gets together and bbq's and lights fireworks, my father his grandfather is elderly and not in good health but was finally well enough to enjoy the fesitivities, yet what was more important to him was going to the gym and playing basketball and spending this time with his friends. All I asked was for one day and I got nothing. Today I told him that because he did not do what I had asked that I wanted him to stay home, instead we got into a big argument and he left. It doesn't seem to matter what I say he is going to do what he wants anyway. I wonder if I didn't show up to his games or if I wasn't there when he needed me would he get the picture? He will graduate next year and who do you think is the only one that will be there.. me! I have never felt so unloved and used in all my life. Does anyone have any advise to help me get through this, I don't know what else to do.

[s_cianci]

First of all, don't take it personally. Secondly try communicating with your son in a non-argumentative, non-accusing manner and let him know what you want. I certainly don't think it was unreasonable to want your son to attend a family barbecue one day out of the year instead of spending yet another day cooped up inside a hot, sweaty gym shooting hoops. What about the people he was shooting basketball with ; didn't their families have any plans for the 4th of July? You need to tell your son how you feel, without blaming or accusing and point out all the things you've told us here. His basketball buddies will come and go out of his life but you'll be his mother forever and he needs to understand that.

[basketballb4me]

Thank you for your response, your right I do always tend to take it personally but never having gone through this, its sometimes hard not to take it personally. He really is not a bad kid but omg has he changed so much. I read another parents cry for help and realized that it could be so much worse. I know and admit that I have become dependent on my child. I don't do anything for myself, I go to work and I come home I have no life outside of what my son is involved in. I guess I really needed to admit that I am alone because of me not him. If I could change anything I would change the fact that when I became a mother I put my life on hold so that I could give him the mother that he deserves and the father that he never had. I appreciate your response and the opportunity to clear my thoughts

[jenniepepsi]

Welcome to being a parent of a teen. This is completely normal. It has to do with the teen trying to be his own adult individual. The fact that he is not an adult yet means nothing to him.

Take a deep breath and try to take it in stride. Your son loves you. He won't say it, he may not show it but he does.

[dw41552]

Wher is the father?

[artlady]

What you also have to understand as the parent of a teen as you have gone from being a disciplinarian to a counselor.

Your role has changed.Big time.

He needs to be treated like an adult but he also has to earn it.Its that simple and you need to make that clear.

You want to be treated like an adult,show me that you are!

Now you give him the lead and let him ask you things and you counsel,not lecture.

Communication starts from day one and if not its hard to create it when it is really needed.

Its never to late to try.I had very open communication with my kids and it still was a rough road.Teenage boys are nuts!

It's a tough road with teenagers,been there,never want to do it again!

As an aside try to recall how you felt at the same age,sometimes we forget !

[artlady]

the fact that he is not an adult yet means nothing to him.

Good one Jennie!
That is funny and so true.
Lost between not an adult and not a kid!
Hard times:)