[summer_shi]

I have childhood memories that have been smudged so bad I can't tell the real ones from the fake ones. And I'm so angry that the people involved couldn't just tell the truth I mean didn't they care that I would be ed in the mean time. I mean its only my life their ing up by liing right... who the would care right. So now I find myself taking my anger out on people who do not deserve it... I have 5 weeks until I'm guna be a mama and the fathers running for the hills because althou I tried so hard to keep it bottled I can't no more and he's the main target and its so unfair on him and me because I'm losing him and he's been so patient... but now he's saying I need to change or there no hope for us. But I want him to understand its not my fault well it is I should be taking the anger out on the people who deserve it but their my parents and it just seems easier this way. I just feel atm I can't change not even for him and want him to understand that althou I love him so much I mean he's so perfect even wit his flaws he's still so beautiful but I just can't mentally change my body won't let me go, I'm so anxious and angry for so many different reasons its like my heads about to explode I swear if I didn't smoke id be a mental case by now. I feel so week when I say I can't change even for him but I feel like I'm not strong enough like I'm on verge of a mental break down. I need help but I don't think anyone can I think time is the only thing that can mend this but if anyone has any suggestions that would help

[thewiseoldwoman]

I recommend professional help. Take it or leave it. I'm sorry your childhood memories have been so messed up... you can't tell what is real from what is fake from your childhood? It might help to try to remember that you aren't a child anymore, now you are an adult (I'm assuming). If you really want to experience an exciting, fun, interesting life (and so much more), you are going to have to learn how to live in the present and not the past of your childhood, no matter how confusing your childhood memories are.

A professional therapist can help you learn how to live a better way. I hope you learn soon so as not to give a repeat preformance of your own childhood with the baby you are now carrying.

[Gemini54]

It's time to grow up and take responsibility for your life.

You might have had a $hit childhood - many of us do - but as an adult you can't keep blaming your childhood and your parents for your behavior in the present.

You have a choice now to deal with it. You are not your childhood and you are not your past. You can't change the past and you can't change what has been said and done. You can however change the way that you respond to it.

You are having a child now and you will pass this anger and distress on to the baby. Is this what you want? To infect your child with your dysfunction and your pain? Already you are putting your unborn child at risk by smoking.

No wonder your BF is running for the hills. Stop blaming everyone else for your predicament! Go and see a counselor and work through the anger and distress you feel. If you don't there will be another angry, distressed individual and it will be your child.

Please excuse me if these words sound harsh - but it's time for you to take charge of your life - no one is coming to rescue you - you must do it yourself. Do it for yourself and your child, so that you can both have a happy life.