[jasna24]

Hi, I am 24 and I moved to Unived States about seven years ago. I had a very hard time fitting in with people from my own country as well as Americans. I am very insecure and have low self confidence. I am very quiet and hardly ever talk, which always is a barrier in finding new friends.

Well, I have a sister but she found boyfriend couple months after we moved to US and has always been going out with him (they are married now). So, I never had anyone to go out with. I just spent all the time alone.

Most often I would meet people while I'm with my sister and everyone wants to be her friend because she is outgoing and talkative. I grew up in her shadow my whole life and even though I am very successful in college and I am even skinnier and more attractive than her I am always overlooked and ignored. I think people usually think I'm stuck up because I always put this wall up to protect myself.


I think this fear of being hurt comes from my mother since she herself is very insecure and always is overprotecting me, making me be fearful of every little thing in life. This is why I am over analyzing everything and would absolutely not do anything that is not safe and secure. I am always nervous and hate it.

I really would like to meet a guy from my own country but since I don't go out I can never meet anyone. So, I don't have any friends and never had a boyfriend. I hate that I can never loosen up. I'm always tense. I am 24 and feel like I'm missing out on my life, but can't get myself to change.

I spend every weekend alone and never go out. What should I do? I'm also quite depressed, but not to the point to think of suicide or anything. I don't know if I need to start seeing a therapist so they could help me over being insecure, tense and feared of people all the time.

Thanks a lot
Jasna

[spiritcharms]

could you not try seeking out a anxiety for social phobia and a confidence classes, I'm sure it will help you, because everyone there will be dealing with similar issues to you,its also gets you out of the house to and around other people and who knows you may just meet some friends.

nothing will change if you don't make it change :)x

all the best

[mum2five]

Most people assume self-esteem is the same as self-confidence, and although self-confidence is related, it’s not the same. Self-confident people may also suffer from low self-esteem, for example, actors that appear to be totally self-confident may have poor self-esteem off stage or away from the media attention.

Self-esteem is often defined as how you estimate yourself. Individuals with low self-esteem usually find it difficult to answer ‘yes’ to questions such as ‘do I like myself?’, ‘do I feel I deserve to be loved?’, ‘do I think I’m a good person’ and ‘do I deserve to be happy?’.

Low self esteem is quite common and may also lead to feeling depressed and hopeless, and thinking negatively about yourself and your right to happiness. However, for lots of people there is help available to change negative thinking patterns and there are many strategies and techniques available to build self esteem.

Most people experience low self esteem at some point in their life (e.g. if they lose their job or relationship) but they can also experience high self esteem at other points in their life (e.g. if they are promoted, successfully complete a challenge or fall in love). However, those who can’t bounce back after themselves esteem has been bruised, and constantly feel negatively about themselves, may be suffering from chronic low self-esteem.

Common signs of low self-esteem include feeling tired a lot of the time and having little motivation to get things done, feeling bored with life and feeling you don't have much to look forward to, thinking a lot about yourself and wishing your life was better, thinking negatively about your abilities and possible opportunities, feeling like a failure or feeling hopeless and depressed.

The early years are considered particularly important in establishing our self-esteem and our family is a strong force in the development of our individual self-esteem. High self-esteem in parents can be used to nurture children’s self-esteem
How an individual develops their self-esteem during their time at school can also be an important factor in their sense of worth.

Our own natural personality and the messages and influences we receive from everyone around us about how we should act and feel can affect our self-esteem.

We must actively seek to improve our own self-esteem if we are to build our sense of worth

Therapy or counselling can often help those suffering from low self-esteem and help develop a sense of self to ensure a more fulfilling life. Some individuals may benefit from dance, music, painting or creative writing to find a sense of empowerment within themselves. Support groups are also widely available.

Sometimes keeping a journal to explore past negative memories may help individuals relate to how these are causing them difficulties now. Taking care of your physical health, exercising, reducing stress levels and accepting a realistic challenge can also help towards building self-esteem.

[Clough]

Hi, Jasna!

I hope that you return to this thread! I do have an activity that I like to do with people on this site that might help you with your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Thanks!