[suzispitfire]

Where to begin? I have a tragic tale of love and loss. I had been going out with my girlfriend for 1 1/2 years. Everyhting was going brilliantly. We were moving into together and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Things recently got bad, in the last 3 months. I was made redundant, My Mum is an alcoholic, I got a new job where I was being bullied and pushed her away and made her to feel like she was walking on 'eggshells'. We live 36 miles away from each other which was hard enough in my bad times. She ended it by a letter telling me her heart and been broken too many times and she couldn't do it again. I was crushed. Devastated. In the last week before she ended it. I had got therapy for all the issues in my life that had recently occurred. I needed her to hang on. How selfish of me. After two days she contacted me and to keep a long story short for the past month it has consisted of her texting me saying she misses me. It's not about her getting over me. She loves me but how can she try it again while she is so terrified of being hurt by me again. We've been in constant contact until last Thursday when we were just going around in circles. The last time I heard from her it basically said, in a nutshell. She spent too long being hurt by me and she's terrified and can't see me because she'll fall into my arms and pretend nothing ever happened. I admitted to her my mistakes. I told her I got help and I know that we can't just fall back into how it was and that we were meant for each other and she knew it too. I told her to try and remember the good times. Like the time I surprised her from work with roses, I took her to Paris for valentine's day, I bought her a 1st edition of her favourite author. All the times we went to london, together and all the silly adventures we went on. She didn't leave the house for two weeks when she ended it and isn't recovering too well. I just wanted to show her that I am the girl she once fell in love with. I guess I can't if she won't let me. I got so emotionally unstable because she was hurting so much and reminding everyday that I deleted her from my phone, myspace and Facebook and sent a goodbye message. 4 hours later I realised that was stupid and re added her apolgising saying ' I thought it'd help you get over me'.. I'm ing this up royally. What's worse after she asked mwe how would it be different and I wrote a heart felt message she hasn't replied. 5 days later it was my birthday and I didn't even get a happy birthday message. I know deep down I don't deserve one. I stupidly thought everything would be OK and we'd gt back together. I haven't heard from her in a week and I know she's getting over me. My gut is telling me. I just don't want to be hanging on whilst she gets stronger and decides she doesn't want me. I say thisd because she sent me a message saying 'it's not about me getting over this. I just need find out if I can heal from this' and another message saying 'i hate that you're hurting and I shouldn't have thought that you'd be waitng with a smile on your face whilst I get over my pain.' I've an emotional wreckage at the moment. We haven't spoken in a week. I don't know what she wants and I feel like I'm in limbo.
I've followed the advice online I'm giving her space, I cn't make her be with me but I'm trying to move on but every time I do something or like two days ago I got a new hair cut. I kept thinking about her constantly. I can't get her out of my thoughts. Every day that we are not in contact or together feels like another nail in the coffin. Why are human emotins so unnattachable. I wish I could stop feeling like this.

[I wish]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Many people in this forum have gone through a similar situation. You just need to give yourself time to get over her.

However, by talking to her every few days/weeks or months, you're prolonging your pain and suffering. You got to stop talking to her until you've completely moved on.

Every time you have some sort of communication with her, all your progress goes down the drain. So you said that last Thursday was the last time you talked to her? Well, last Thursday is Day 1 in your recovery process.

Let her life her life and you live yours. Stay away from each other until both of you have recovered from the breakup.

[talaniman]

Why are human emotions so unnattachable

Are emotions are a part of us, and they always will be. You just don't know how best to cope with them is the problem.

Your in shock, and have a lot of guilt, fear, and remorse, and are grieving with the death of this relationship. Grieve, and look to rebuilding your life, that you enjoy, without her in it. This will take time, and work on your part, hard work at that, but you will emerge a stronger, smarter person, with more knowledge of yourself, and more experience with dealing with your own feelings. Be patient with yourself, as you learn, and grow, and above all ,leave her alone, and do something good for yourself.

Its about just you now, not about what you had, or what you lost.

[anewday]

You have to realise that it's about you now, not you & her. It's extremely hard, but you have to try & believe in it.

Some may not agree with me, but it helped me to improve myself by seeing it as that I'm bettering myself for her. If she doesn't want me back after that, then it doesn't matter. It's her loss, and I'll be even better equipped at finding someone new, and potentially "better" for me. I've learnt so much about myself because of my breakup, even if I do ultimately regret it ending.

[suzispitfire]

I was dumped a Month ago. I've tried to do no contact. It lasted 10 days until she randomly popped up on Facebook and said 'hi'. I stupidly replied 'hello'. She proceeded to apologise for not contacting me on my birthday (which was 6 days ago) and said she took all the presents back. That hurt but I replied 'don't worry about it, I'm not angry. I understand'. (which I don't but she doesn't need to know that. She then said 'sorry' again for us being strangers and I told her she didn't need to keep apologising. She said she didn't know what else to do. I told her to just be herself, I guess'. I don't even know why she contacted me. She then turned and said she should just leave me alone I'm being selfish, I just making things worse. I was just worried you'd just cut me out of your life and I hate that thought, I can understand why you would want to. I aked her 'why she kept doing this?' and she replied 'because I'm ing stupid'. Thankfully my computer over heated and I was allowed a ten minute break from the situation. I then went back on and told her my computer had over heated. She said ' okay. I tohught you just logged off to get away from me'. I changed the subject to something light hearted about a film that is out and then I logged off. Her staus then changed to: // there is work to be done. That might not be even related to me but I pretty sure it was. The reason I'm soooooo confused is that I poured my heart out to her two weeks ago telling her I wanted to fight for this but then she ignored me until yesterday and had the audacity to say that it was me cutting her from my life. She can't bear me not being in hers and I know she wants to be with me but I just in bits, to be honest. I don't know what to do.