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classyT · Jun 29, 2009, 01:15 PM

Just wondering how many people in relationships... married or not would feel about their partner having an account with a social network type thingy... like Facebook, myspace or tagged WITHOUT letting their spouse or significant other knowing about it. I enjoy staying in touch with old friends and family BUT I am honest about it. I don't have one on the sly... or one that "slipped my mind"... I am feeling a bit miffed right now with my hubby... am I overreacting?

I wish · Jun 29, 2009, 01:17 PM

That's definitely a red flag nor matter how the person justifies it.

General rule - What does he/she have to hide?

jenniepepsi · Jun 29, 2009, 01:18 PM

Keep in mind, it may indeed have simply 'slipped' his mind. He may not have thought it important.

However, if this is not the first time something like this has happened, that would send red flags to me

kctiger · Jun 29, 2009, 01:41 PM

I wasn't under the impression that full disclosure was, well, full. I think you are overreacting a bit. To let Facebook or MySpace irritate you is a bit premature. I fail to see how this is such a huge deal... now, if it was EHarmony or Match.com, then I think you would have a strong case to be mad.

To all the "red flag" people out there, if he was going to cheat on you, he will do it, Facebook or not.

coyne740 · Jun 29, 2009, 01:41 PM

My ex killed her myspace and created one "on the sly" to keep in touch with a certain guy after I found some incriminating emails. So it would be a red flag, but if it honestly just slipped his mind, then it's not a big deal.

classyT · Jun 29, 2009, 01:51 PM

Probably I am overreacting. I guess you are never too old to act a little goofy sometimes... ;)

talaniman · Jun 29, 2009, 06:56 PM

Why presume, and let your mind play tricks on you, when you can ask, and get the facts?

You either trust him, or you don't.

liz28 · Jun 29, 2009, 07:07 PM

Classy T we all act a little goofy sometimes regardless of your age. So don't beat yourself up.

Romefalls19 · Jun 29, 2009, 07:49 PM

Just ask him, I'm pretty sure it just slipped his mind, us guys have a lot to worry about.

Don't forget to put down the seat, don't pee on the seat, don't forget dishes, trash... It's endless

cptcaveman420 · Jun 29, 2009, 08:06 PM

Unless there is something on the page that is incriminating I wouldn't worry about it.

BILLYJADEN · Jun 29, 2009, 08:49 PM

I think myspace,Facebook and all those social networks can ruin a relationship... I suggest you have a serious talk to him about it.

57373 · Jun 29, 2009, 11:27 PM

Originally Posted by BILLYJADEN

i think myspace,facebook and all those social networks can ruin a relationship

yes.yes.and x10000

but I wouldn't place all the blame on myspace in particular

rather the personality type he has that makes him NEED one, (attention of comments,pictures,new girls,praise)

typical insecurity (RED FLAG IF THEY ARE NOT SINGLE)

these types are usually players

and don't give me that 'oh but they need to keep in touch with people'

You have aim,msn,email,phone,in person,all ways that won't be broadcasted to the world.

Which makes me wonder why so many cheaters like myspace,and then complain when they are caught?

(it's how I found out about my ex)

Romefalls19 · Jun 30, 2009, 05:10 AM

I disagree with you 57373, I have both a Facebook and a myspace, and yes I use it to keep in touch with people. I have been playing baseball and hockey since I was little, made a lot of friends along the way and still to this day I get requests from people I played with when I was 16-17 when myspace and Facebook didn't exist and we keep in touch better now. I've had get together games because of reconnecting with these people.

I also don't believe Facebook and myspace is the cause of the problems, it's how people handle it. I've never met a girl over myspace, had them during a relationship the past two I've been in. Myspace didn't break up my first one, and social networking isn't going to break up my engagement/marriage. While I don't NEED to have one, it's fun to have one to see how people are doing. It's easier to keep in touch with people that way, they allow people from all over the world to keep in touch. Especially family from other parts of the country or even different countries.

It's not about having a social networking site but rather how you present yourself on it and how you interact with it.

jmjoseph · Jun 30, 2009, 05:20 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Just ask him, I'm pretty sure it just slipped his mind, us guys have a lot to worry about.

Don't forget to put down the seat, don't pee on the seat, don't forget dishes, trash...It's endless

I don't think this is the same as the toilet seat. I'm sorry, I don't want to bust you dude , but this sounds sneaky to me. My friend" caught up" with an old girlfriend via classmates.com, and she's now his second wife. Ask him how he would feel if the table was turned.

kctiger · Jun 30, 2009, 05:21 AM

Originally Posted by 57373

yes.yes.and x10000

but I wouldn't place all the blame on myspace in particular

rather the personality type he has that makes him NEED one, (attention of comments,pictures,new girls,praise)

typical insecurity (RED FLAG IF THEY ARE NOT SINGLE)

these types are usually players

and don't give me that 'oh but they need to keep in touch with people'

You have aim,msn,email,phone,in person,all ways that won't be broadcasted to the world.

Which makes me wonder why so many cheaters like myspace,and then complain when they are caught?

(it's how I found out about my ex)

Your post reaks of bitterness towards a situation that clearly isn't the norm. If most people who have a Facebook or myspace account broke up, something like 40% of the population would be single constantly. I have a Facebook and I really don't consider myself a "player" as you would like to call it.

Sometimes I have a hard time trying to figure out what world some people live in, because if you want to lay the blame of your relationship on the internet, then whatever helps you sleep at night... in the end, it is the person's fault and nothing else.

To everyone else that wants to turn a damn website into an avenue to cheat, give me a break! I understand red flags, but lets not get ahead of ourselves here. There must really be some bitter a$$ people on the board today.

NeedKarma · Jun 30, 2009, 05:23 AM

I had a Facebook account way before my wife did. But then again that stuff is part of my career in a way. She joined later and we are linked. It didn't matter anyway, she's not the jealous type.

NeedKarma · Jun 30, 2009, 05:25 AM

Originally Posted by BILLYJADEN

i think myspace,facebook and all those social networks can ruin a relationship....I suggest you have a serious talk to him about it.

If that ruined a relationship if was doomed to begin with.

Romefalls19 · Jun 30, 2009, 05:25 AM

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

I don't think this is the same as the toilet seat. I'm sorry, I don't want to bust you dude , but this sounds sneaky to me. My friend" caught up" with an old girlfriend via classmates.com, and she's now his second wife. Ask him how he would feel if the table was turned.

Well, you're entitled to your opinion but I still stand firm by my post. My fiancé is on classmates.com, been on there since October, I didn't find out about it until maybe March and that's from an e-mail that popped up on our computer. I asked her about it, she showed me her page and said she completely forgot about it. Said she was engaged, had pictures of us up and everything.

If you are going to place everything in your relationship on an internet site just because he forgot to tell you, I can think of stronger red flags to be honest. Now if he was saying he was single, talking to other girls flirty, there's a difference but just having one, not a big deal in my book.

ZoeMarie · Jun 30, 2009, 05:30 AM

My husband and I both have a Facebook and a myspace. I even have friends that are guys and he has friends that are girls. No problems here, but then again we have no reasons not to trust each other.

Has your husband given you any reasons not to trust him? If not I'd let it slide.

slapshot_oi · Jun 30, 2009, 05:51 AM

I practice "don't ask, don't tell", but I don't lie. If he's lying to you, classyT, about having a Facebook account then you do have a problem, and it really has nothing to do with Facebook.

Social networking does put strain on relationships. People break-up because of it, and content that people post on it has also it's been used in divorce and even criminal cases. I rarely use it now, but, when I find myself in a serious relationship, I'm cancelling my account altogether.

Facebook, MySpace and Twitter are successful because it caters to everyone's ego. Think of how many people you know air their dirty laundry, I'm guilty of this myself a time or two, on one of those services and "unintentionally" cause drama. I know a girl who called out her own mother on Facebook.

The short and long of it is Facebook really isn't the issue, in your case, but it can easily become a scapegoat to mask what the real problem is. And if that's the case, then just get rid of it.

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

My fiance is on classmates.com...

Dude tell her to get rid of it, it's a proven scam. They automatically enroll you in other services and charge you for it. She's better off using a free service.