[passmeby]

Is there a polite way to get someone out of your life for good? I've tried dropping hints, but I guess it's time to be slightly more blunt but I don't necessarily want to hurt their feelings unless I am pushed to the point where I can do nothing else but flat out tell them off.

[Alty]

Hinting never works.

Is this a boyfriend, girlfriend, someone else?

Why do you want them out of your life?

There are nicer ways to tell someone to bugger off, but not really any way to do it without the person getting hurt.

No games, that's the worst thing you can do.

[passmeby]

It's a neighbor who thinks she is my friend. I don't like her one bit, in fact I can't stand her, but she has built up in her mind that we are friends. She bothers me way too much, coming over up to 5 times in one day, and asks me for things all the time (money, cigarettes, household items like bleach, etc... ). I just want to be left alone, this has gotten to a point that I am about to go insane!

[Jake2008]

You have to just say no. Don't answer the door if you don't feel like it, don't return messages on the phone. What makes you think you are obligated to in the first place.

The next time she comes over keep it simple, but stay focused. When she asks for cigaretttes, say, "sorry, I'm nearly out myself". Nothing else. If she hangs around, say, "excuse me, I have some work to do", and turn around and go in the house. You might add a 'have a nice day' to the end of that, but keep it simple, to the point, and clear.

You cannot be taken advantage of without your permission. She has become used to you accommodating her, and you'll have to assert yourself in order to make it stop.

I have had 'friends' like that too, and I've practised what I've said to you, and it does work. Sometimes, I had to repeat more than once, "sorry, but I've got work to do", or some other statement, but, when the message got through- it was peaceful!!

You are entitled to your own space without constant, unwanted interruption from a needy person. This is not a two way street, and it is unwelcome.

Don't encourage her to talk, just say what you have to, be polite, and exit.

[passmeby]

Thanks. I already do what you said, that's what I meant when I said I have been 'dropping hints". I have told her time and again that I can't spare what she's asking for but that makes no difference, she keeps on asking. I have a problem with avoiding her because I smoke cigarettes, and for the sake of my children I NEVER smoke indoors. So I have to go outside, and she'll see me and rush over. She'll knock and if I don't answer, she'll come back again and again... or she'll lie in wait for me to come outside. I feel bad for my children because I keep them indoors a lot more than I should because I am trying to avoid her.

Nothing is going to get her to buzz off except maybe just getting right to the point and coming out and saying something. I just cannot seem to put the words together in the most non-hurtful yet crystal clear way.

Edit: Another major thing is that when I take my kids out to play, she comes right on over into the yard, even if I am in the fenced and gated backyard. It's not fair for my kids if I make them come inside just so I can get away from her, but at the same time I don't want her there.

[Alty]

Thanks. I already do what you said, that's what I meant when I said I have been 'dropping hints". I have told her time and again that I can't spare what she's asking for but that makes no difference, she keeps on asking. I have a problem with avoiding her because I smoke cigarettes, and for the sake of my children I NEVER smoke indoors. So I have to go outside, and she'll see me and rush over. She'll knock and if I don't answer, she'll come back again and again.....or she'll lie in wait for me to come outside. I feel bad for my children because I keep them indoors a lot more than I should because I am trying to avoid her.

Nothing is going to get her to buzz off except maybe just getting right to the point and coming out and saying something. I just cannot seem to put the words together in the most non-hurtful yet crystal clear way.

How about this.

Neighbor, we need to talk.

I can't afford to support your smoking habit and I don't have time to sit around all day and entertain you.

I think you're a nice person but I'm not looking for a friendship right now.

You're a bit annoying, I don't like you always coming over and borrowing things.

I don't want to hurt you, that's not the way I am, but it's driving me nuts, making me avoid going outside or answering my door.

You come on too strong, our personalities don't mesh.

I don't mind saying hi, being friendly but that's it.

I hope you understand.

Then spray her with the garden hose. KIDDING! :p

[Jake2008]

This neighbour sounds a little 'thick'.

I agree with Altenweg, maybe take it a step up. The only one I would avoid is:

"I don't mind saying hi, being friendly but that's it."

I think she may take that as a sign to go grab the chicken in the fridge.

That is one pushy lady. My guess is others have had the same problem, and you putting the brakes on with her, is not new.

Please keep us posted. It would be nice to hear that she's backed off.

[passmeby]

My guess is others have had the same problem, and you putting the brakes on with her, is not new.

You know, I never thought about it that way before and I bet you're absolutely right! Wow, that really makes things easier!

[passmeby]

LOL, now that I'm all ready for her and I have a speech planned out, I haven't seen her since yesterday morning! I probably won't see her for a couple days now since it's nearly the 1st of the month and she'll be busy out spending her government check... I'll post back as soon as I speak with her, and if the speech doesn't sink in and she continues coming around I'll let you know.

Thanks for the help, I know it might seem kind of simple to some people, but I am one of those people who is just not good at these kind of things! I'm perfectly good at telling people off in a really blunt way but I'm not good at trying to be sensitive about it and not hurt the other person. It's the fact that she's a neighbor, I'd rather keep the peace instead of trading one problem for another, you know? If I end up in a fight with her it might make things miserable just in a different way.

[Jake2008]

Good for you! After you get through this one, the next time something like this happens, you'll feel that much more comfortable.

You could always call her, and ask her if she can come over, that you'd like to talk to her. That should cause a bit of concern. That way you set the stage, not her.

Anyway, I wish you luck, and success if getting rid of that mosquito.

[passmeby]

OMG, I can't believe that I have not seen hide nor hair of this lady since I made this post! Crazy, huh? Not that I'm complaining or anything...

[s_cianci]

Sometimes going to extremes is necessary. Frankly I think most attempts at "sparing one's feelings" are misguided and end up depriving the "pest" of a valuable learning experience.

[Jake2008]

OMG, I can't believe that I have not seen hide nor hair of this lady since I made this post!! Crazy, huh?? Not that I'm complaining or anything........

Uh oh, now that you've said it, she's going to be knocking on your door in 5 minutes! :D

Maybe she picked up on the vibes or something, let's hope so. I wondered how you made out with her, thanks for the update.

[passmeby]

LOL, Jake! Still haven't seen her... I promise I'll post back as soon as I speak with her.

I saw your suggestion to call her up, but she doesn't know my phone number, so I'd like to keep it that way! I wouldn't want her to get my number off caller ID, then she'd just have a new way to bug me!