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Dollaz · Jun 28, 2009, 11:55 PM

Hi,

Last night my girlfriend said she wanted to have some time apart. 2 weeks and see how it goes after that.
We used to speak 5-6 times a day and see each other almost every day.
She said she felt trapped even though I didn't do anything to make her feel trapped.

I guess my question is she said she wants to have time apart, What is the best thing for me to do in this situation with respect to contact with her?

davett · Jun 29, 2009, 12:39 AM

I went through a similar thing. She wanted a break to have time to think. We then broke up permanently.

All you can do is give her all the space she needs and don't contact her. Hope that time apart makes her realise how much she misses you. My ex sent me an email saying she missed me but when she came back she wanted to break up.

However I would be prepared for the worst. Usually a break is first step to a permanent break up

Romefalls19 · Jun 29, 2009, 05:41 AM

Give her the space she wants and go out and find a hobby that you have been wanting to do.

ashleighcooper1 · Jun 29, 2009, 07:01 AM

I've had this done.
But mine was for a reason.
My ex boyfriend said to me that he wanted a break for a few weeks. And I found out that he only said that because he was going away with his friends, and he wanted to split up for a bit so that he could have sex with any girl he wanted, and then come running back to me.

I never took him back after that. Ended up a permanent break up- so just watch very closely on the reason that she wants a break.

JBeaucaire · Jun 29, 2009, 07:41 AM

I really am surprised at how easy people miss what this situation means. Let me put it in another light and see if this helps you any.

You two have dated, and now things have cooled off.

Your girl wants to leave, but can't quite bring herself to let you go yet because she hasn't actually got her next target in line yet. So, she want a couple of weeks to see if she can drum up some prospects.

If after two weeks, nothing better comes along, she'll *deem* to hang with you officially for a while longer.

But this means she's looking. This means it's actually over and she knows she can puppy-dog you on a leash until she feels comfortable enough in her own skin or in another prospect to finally cut you loose.

Sound appealing? I hope not.

This relationship is actually over, and it doesn't HAVE to be a painful and long-drawn-out ordeal. You could celebrate the fun time you had together and wish her well, and cut HER loose officially without needing her permission. You could do this without a lot of fanfare or accusation, or anything negative. You could just let her know, "It's OK, I know we're through, and I've really enjoyed our time together. Let's actually part as friends." Then do so.

I know you don't WANT to do this, you WANT to give her the two weeks and "See what happens". That's normal. But what do you get back when she returns? A girl who's not THAT into you who is "settling for being around you".

Oh my gosh! Is that what you dreamed of? Being madly in love and committing yourself whole-heartedly to someone who "sort of thinks you're OK...or not".

Think about it. Take some control. You'll be a better man for it.

ZoeMarie · Jun 29, 2009, 07:47 AM

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

I know you don't WANT to do this, you WANT to give her the two weeks and "See what happens". That's normal. But what do you get back when she returns? A girl who's not THAT into you who is "settling for being around you".

And this is exactly why I think a "break" is ridiculous, in any situation. Just break up and be done with it! I've never understood why the person that initiates the break would want to put the other person through the torture of wondering if they will get back together or why the other person would think that someone would do that to them if they truly cared about them.

JBeaucaire · Jun 29, 2009, 07:59 AM

Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

I've never understood why the person that initiates the break would want to put the other person through the torture of wondering if they will get back together...

Oh that's easy. Once love fades, most people revert to immature self-interest. The person asking for the "break" can't be bothered to worry about how this jerkwater idea is going to impact YOU. No, they just got to make sure they get to keep THEIR options open while they look for some sign it's OK to dump you. Ugh.

... or why the other person would think that someone would do that to them if they truly cared about them.

Exactly. Being the DUMPEE seems to turn off the IQ... the realization that there is someone out there who could/would be NUTS about them in the future doesn't even occur to them. They just hope they can talk this lukewarm lover into hanging around.

So sad.

talaniman · Jun 29, 2009, 08:14 AM

I guess my question is she said she wants to have time apart, What is the best thing for me to do in this situation with respect to contact with her?

Disappear from her life, and do your own thing.

No one asks for a break without having something better for themselves in mind, and you ain't it.

I wish · Jun 29, 2009, 11:05 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Disappear from her life, and do your own thing.

No one asks for a break without having something better for themselves in mind, and you ain't it.

Had to spread rep. Harsh but true.

If you really cared about her, you would respect her wishes. However, asking for such a break means that she doesn't want to work things out with you and she wants to reflect on things alone.

If she's leaving you out of the picture, then you got to do the same. If you say you've been spending a lot of time with her while you were together, now's your chance to do your own thing.

Dollaz · Jun 29, 2009, 05:10 PM

Threads merged

Hi,

Well my girfriend said she wanted to have a 2 week break. She said this 2 days ago which was Sunday.
I didn't hear from her all of Monday and I didn't contact her and then on the Monday Night she sent me a message saying " Just so you know i miss you" I didn't respond and then 20 min later she sends another message saying " so now your ignoring me' I waited another 20 min and responded by saying " You know how much I miss you too" She then sends me a message saying she has had a horrible day and i always seem to know what to say to make her feel better.
We then chatted online for a bit and i asked her would she like to talk about it given i always know what to say to make it feel better and she said " No I don't feel like talking about it "
I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that I was so strong all day by not contacting her and I feel like after speaking to her online last night that I have dissapointed myself by actually speaking to her when she is the one who wanted the break.
Should I be beating myself up about this or do I simply just start again with the no contact and be strong about it. I really don't know what to do. ANy advice would be great thanks.

UTH · Jun 29, 2009, 05:24 PM

Hey man don't spazz, you were being nice and asking what was wrong, but give her some time, and again don't freak out :D

talaniman · Jun 29, 2009, 06:45 PM

Hopefully you learned a valuable lesson on being put in the friend zone. Make no mistake, she isn't at all interested in restarting a relationship, just having a friendly ear to bend.

What you thought it was BS, when I told you to disappear?? Think again.

Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, and read the thousands of posts here, of people like you that have been told about No Contact, after being dumped.

Your learning why we say what we say.

Romefalls19 · Jun 29, 2009, 07:52 PM

Tal is right, we don't preach NC because we are bitter, we preach it because it works and never do you regret doing NC, you regret hanging around for so long and allowing yourself to stand behind a kicking horse

MMJJ · Jun 29, 2009, 08:01 PM

I am a girl and I have more desire for men who ignore me.
I think you should tell her that u think it is a good idea to take a break and that she should call you when she is ready.
Don't insist if she does not show enough care toward you. You might be able to get her back after the two weeks break by insisting but that relationship is ruined forever.
Let her miss you and come back, if she did not then screw her !

57373 · Jun 29, 2009, 10:25 PM

Tell her you found someone else

(even if it isn't true... because I bet 9/10 she already did... and that's the reason for your break)

So after you tell her you found someone else
Tell her to get out of your life

(I wish I had done this while I still had control)

And since she is saying she misses you,you have the time frame to shove this in her face.

Trust me,it's all one stupid game of control.

At least with these types.

Romefalls19 · Jun 30, 2009, 05:42 AM

Originally Posted by 57373

tell her you found someone else

(even if it isn't true...because I bet 9/10 she already did...and that's the reason for your break)

So after you tell her you found someone else
Tell her to get out of your life

(I wish I had done this while I still had control)

And since she is saying she misses you,you have the time frame to shove this in her face.

Trust me,it's all one stupid game of control.

At least with these types.

Horrible advice, the only true parts of this post are that she found someone else and that it's all a game. Lying about finding someone else, is immature and childish.

Use the long time members of this forums advice, NC is the way to go. Get busy and be unavailable, for YOUR sake not to participate in any childish immature games

Dollaz · Jun 30, 2009, 05:14 PM

Threads merged

Hi,

Well a lot of her guy friends I'm OK with but there is this one guy who I'm almost certain doesn't just want friendsship. He wants to get back in her pants.
He is an ex boyfriend from about 4 years ago.
She hasn't caught up with him yet. She has cancelled on him a few times but I'm just stuck at the moment on how to take all this.
She does love me a lot and she is also very open with me about if she is catching up with this guy or any other guy for that matter.
An example would be on her Facebook he wanted to catch up last night and she was busy and they organised to catch up tonight. Its not like any of these messages were hidden as they were comments so I could see them.
We have chatted about this before and I said to her " Its not you that i dont trust its the other guys" and she said " Well who cares what the other guys want " You should know that I'm not going to do anything and you should trust me"
Is it normal to feel a bit anxious when your girlfriend is catching up with guy friends?
Also how do I act in this situation/ Do I make a big deal of her catching up with this guy given the fact that we have already discussed it or do I just act like I don't care and stop worrying about something like this?
Any advice would be great please.

Thanks

liz28 · Jun 30, 2009, 06:25 PM

If she knows a male friend(s) is just being her friend to get into her pants then she shouldn't be their friend. Throw away the bad ones and keep the good ones.

Now if you already expressed how you felt about the situatiion--that is all you can do. It makes no sense to keep arguing about the same thing.

talaniman · Jun 30, 2009, 07:48 PM

She asked for a break, okay fine, now she is hooking up with some guy, and your wondering what you should be doing? I say disappear from here life.

Its amazing how the whole picture becomes clear when you merge your threads together. Now I understand that when you don't like the advice given on one thread you run and start another without some real key facts.

UTH · Jul 3, 2009, 05:32 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

If she knows a male friend(s) is just being her friend to get into her pants then she shouldn't be their friend. Throw away the bad ones and keep the good ones.

Now if you already expressed how you felt about the situatiion--that is all you can do. It makes no sense to keep arguing about the same thing.

If she gots a lot of freind's then don't talk to her because most likely she's got someone else beside you.