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boofums01 · Oct 17, 2006, 05:23 AM

I've been with this guy about a year or so now.. we are engaged and he was so excited but now he said he needs time to think. I don't know what s going on but id really like to know... he says I'm too insecure, which at times I guess I am... but he also said he got into an argument with his father and he's having issues at home... alot... I need some answers! So any help might be nice

Ace High · Oct 17, 2006, 07:11 AM

Hi Boo,

Sounds like trouble. If your relationship is only 1 year old and already he needs space, seems like he may have commitment problems. I would give him the space and start looking elsewhere. May be the thing to give him a wake up call. Also it may be a wake up call to yourself, if you have insecurity problems. Find yourself and don't sell yourself short to a guy who doesn't appreciate you. Prove him wrong about your insecurity and give him all the space he wants.

The issues at home sounds like he is still very immature and not ready for a home of his own. You want to find someone who is standing on his own two feet -- paying for his own place, working, able to support you, has his own transportation and not relying on anybody else --- it's called growing up ---- Ace

boofums01 · Oct 17, 2006, 11:58 AM

I don't know... well lets get the whole story across... weve been together as you know for a year or so... were engaged.. the other night on the phone he sounded like something was wrong so I asked. He said he's just tired of trying anymore... his father ( which he works for) is never satisfied with what he does... he never gets any help and the whole me being insecure crap... he said he just wants to give up... and by the way this is a long distance relationship! He lives in nc... due to the fact he is in the military. But our argument consisted of how he's ready to give up... yet he managed to tell me he doesn't want to break up and he still loves me he just needs to go on the low down for a while... so I'm not sure of why... I mean he never hesistates to tell me he loves me, even tells me stuff like he wants to grow old with me and wants me to be the mother of his children... so I'm still nt sure.. maybe your right... but I'm afraid to let it be over... sounds stupid I know.. :confused:

talaniman · Oct 17, 2006, 12:46 PM

It sounds as if he is overwelmed with problems seemingly having nothing to do with the two of you. There is nothing you can do being so far away, but to give him space to solve his problems. He may or may not come back to you but at least you will be able to get over this enough to move on. Anytime peoples problems stand in the way of their commitment to a loved one is a big red flag to me and indicates he may not be ready for a committed relationship. Your post doesn't indicate how far from NC you are or how much time you actually spend together, but I don't think the two of you are on the same page. Give him space, and have no regrets.

Skell · Oct 17, 2006, 04:11 PM

Great answer tal. Had to spread it though.

Long distance relationship and engaged after a year. Sounds very rushed to me. And people pulling back from a rushed relationship is a very common thing and a sure sign that they think things moved too fast.

One year is a very short time to know someone and be engaged. Im not saying it couldn't work but as I said we see it here all to often. People rushing into relationships only for one person to get scared off, smothered and pull back.

Do you think this might be the case here as well as the issues he put to you?

s_cianci · Oct 17, 2006, 06:44 PM

I wonder if this guy's really ready to be married yet. You may have your insecurities and that you'll have to work on but it sounds like this guy certainly has his share of issues too. That being the case he had no business proposing to you. I think you'd be wise to put things on hold for a while so the two of you can really think things through.