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katie broad · Oct 12, 2006, 07:12 AM

:confused: A couple of weeks ago I split up with my partner, Stuart of nearly two years. We lived together, but our relationship was always up and down. We both broke all the boundaries, there was love there but the way we treated each other showed that we didn't truly respect each other.

The reason that I am so confused is because in 2002(4yrs ago) I had just finished with an abusive partner and I met "BEN" he showed me love like I had never experienced it before, he was perfect, and he devoted himself to me and my daughter. The abusive ex was always there in the background, making me feel bad for being happy so after 10 months I ended things with Ben. We remained friends and continued having casual sex. Then he moved away and I met Stuart.

Even when things between me and Stuart were OK I still could not get Ben out of my head. I spoke to him occasionally over the phone and we met up for coffee a couple of times, I knew that I still had feelings for him, but I was with Stuart and I wanted to make that relationship work.

Now I am not with Stuart. I phoned Ben last night when I had, had a drink and told him. He said that he still loves me. I hurt him so much last time when I ended things and I don't want to do that again. It's been 4 yrs since we split up and I feel so confused... any advise or opinions would be greatly appreciated:)

Krs · Oct 12, 2006, 07:18 AM

Hi and welcome to AMHD

I think you need time for yourself and work out what you want.

You sound so confused to me!
Why on earth leave "BEN" in the first place because your abusive ex was always there in the background, making you feel bad for being happy! Sod him!! And BE HAPPY! Esp as you have a daughter.

If Ben is that worthed, then speak to him, try work things out of its all mutual.

talaniman · Oct 12, 2006, 08:06 AM

After jumping from man to man you should be confused. Make time for yourself and your child and leave the guys alone for a while as I don't think you'll be happy until you learn how to make yourself happy. You've been through a lot so recognise the fact you need to let yourself heal and get healthy in mind and soul before you can enter into a relationship and expect it to work.

cbmb · Oct 12, 2006, 08:39 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

After jumping from man to man you should be confused. Make time for yourself and your child and leave the guys alone for a while as I don't think you'll be happy until you learn how to make yourself happy. You've been through a lot so recognise the fact you need to let yourself heal and get healthy in mind and soul before you can enter into a relationship and expect it to work.

As someone who has gone through many similar experiences w/ men, I AGREE!

chuff · Oct 12, 2006, 09:00 AM

If Ben was "perfect" you may have ended it with him because somewhere in your mind you felt as though you weren't good enough for him and he would see that eventually so you beat him to it by dumping him. It's the fear of the breakup when things are going well instead of enjoyment of the relationship and person your with. When you wind up with someone like Stuart it is always easier because if the break up occurs it won't take you much to get over it.

katie broad · Oct 17, 2006, 04:16 AM

Thank you guys I really appreciate your comments. I definitely need time to think things through. I don't know what I am thinking at the moment and my feelings are all over the place. I hadn't spoken to Stuart for two weeks and last night he came to see my and I ended up sleeping with him. It felt so good to have him beside me. Ohhh I hate relationships.

Skell · Oct 17, 2006, 03:56 PM

Not a good idea to just let him waltz around and jump into bed with you.
It might make you feel better having him next to you last night but is it going to help things today and tomorrow?
Only you can help those things. Not a partner or a relationship!

Gillion · Oct 18, 2006, 05:04 AM

Love is not confusing.

It is how we as selfcentered individuals intereact with love that is confusing.

Wildcat21 · Oct 18, 2006, 07:52 AM

I don't, if I were Ben - I'd run. You don't respect him.

Did you cheat on Ben? With the abusive guy - I suspect so. Why you did end thiings in the first place?

If it wwas broke before - Ben should realizae this.

You eneded things with Ben because of your abusive ex being around? Why on earth would Ben want you back>

I have a strong feeling gyou WILL just dump Ben again and move on to another guy. It was broke before. Hw about trying a new guy - fresh.

And why on earth do people stay in an abusive relationship? Once is too much.