[sarah_lou]

I love my boyfriend to bits. We've been talking about getting married after I graduate.

2 years ago, when I was on the pill, I got really depressed, and just couldn't cope with my a levels. I came off the pill which seemed to help, and slowly I felt better. I went back on and the same thing happened again, apparently I have a progesteron sensitivity and the pill I was on had the lowest levels of P, so there aren't any more I can try.

This summer, we went on holidays for 3 weeks with his family, we had an amazing time, no arguments, everything was perfect. One thing I have a problem with is him promising to ring back but never doing so. He doesn't like being on the phone.

2 weeks before I moved away to uni again, we went out for a drink with friends and I got in a really bad mood and took it out on him, which wasn't fair I know. At the time, he rang a friend to come pick him up because he didn't want to stay with me. We made up, and it was like it never happened. I was a cow, and I don't know why I got in such a bad mood. I said I would try not to let it happen again.

On Thursday (last week) I realised I'm still not over my depression. I felt really down while I was in uni last year, and just tried to get on with things, I used to stay in my room most nights, didn't make very many friends, and basically went from one visit from him to the next, with those as my beacon.

On Friday I rang him, after a few days of trying to get hold of him. Every time I managed to get hold of him, he was surfing with my friends, which made me feel even more left out. I tried telling him that I was feeling **** and I needed help, but nothing changed, I can only do so much on my own.

I sent him 2 ****ty emails, I basically tried to explain why I felt so ****, and took my anger out on him. Needless to say, he texted back saying he really didn't know what to do and that he was sick of this.

Today I met up with him for 2 minutes. He told me that he isn't sure he wants to be together anymore. His texts say

'im not saying its you, I'm saying its being in this relationship. I should be the one who can help you out but I cant. I can't be the right man for you. Ive tried and its just not me. Im sorry'

I asked him why he was throwing everything away, we've been going out nearly 2 and a half years, and if we couldn't work things through. His reply was that I had already had another chance.

What the hell am I going to do? I don't feel like living anymore. Please help me

[Wildcat21]

I think you need to work on yourself. Leave him alone for now.

I agree with him unfortunately. Sorry. But I wouldn't want to be a an emotional roller coaster either. Unfortunately you pushed him away.

I do hope you see a counsselour to try and figure out you depression and mood swings.

HE SHOULD NEVER BE YOUR LIFE - YOUR HAPPINESS. HE IS ONLY PART OF YOUR LIFE.

Please go see a counselour today.

[K_3]

It sounds as though you may have some hormonal problems. Before taking the pill did you have any depression? It may have changed your hormones even though you quit taking the pills. You need to go to the doctor and have them checked and see if that is the problem. Depression takes its toll on others along with yourself. He is feeling totally helpless, because no matter what he says or does it is not going to make you better, is it? If he said things you wanted to hear, you would still be depressed or crabby. You need to fix you, no one else can do that. Go to the doctor first, tell the doc how you feel, mood swings, and how the pill affected you. You may need counseling. I think it could be hormonal. Right now your b/f should be down the list. You should be at the top and your mental well being. He can not help you. You have to do that.

[Northwind_Dagas]

I think you are putting the pressure of your depression on him and expecting him to solve your problems. Unfortunately, depression needs to be treated by a professional, not your boyfriend. He probably feels frustrated and overwhelmed. If your at a university, there should be someone on campus you can talk to.

If you take care of you, and he knows you don't expect him to be your hero, he may just come around.

[talaniman]

I think its time for you to worry about you and get the help you need to be healthy and happy. Until that happens I cannot see you in a meaningful, committed relationship. Make you the priority.

[Wildcat21]

BF shuld never make you completely happy.

Have these things checked out immeditely.

NOT sure why you would ever go on the pill AGAIN after the first experience. I hope to hell he didn't pressure you.

There are MANY other forms of birth control. WHY THE HELL COULDN'T HE USE CONDUMS?? Is he selfish as well?? Irresponsible.

[chuff]

I dated a woman for about a year once that was diagnosed with depression some years before we met. She was on medication for a while then quit also before we met. I'm not an expert in the area but all I can say is that it was obvious she needed either medication or a therapist. The worst part is no matter how much advice I gave her she just ignored it. Eventually I cut off ties with her because I just couldn't stand how I too became depressed. I'm guessing you boyfriend is in the same boat. It sounds like he's tried to help but if your not going to take him up on his offer then he too is feeling helpless. He doesn't know what else to do. He's confused. That being said this isn't about him, it's about you. Only you can take the steps to change and I think that involves professional help.

The fact that you end your letter with the words “I don't feel like living anymore” suggest to me that you need to see a therapist immediately. If you won't seek professional help please talk to a friend, counselor, a minister or priest (someone from your church if you go to one), or come back here and talk to us. But those words suggest a deeper issue that I'd like to see you address with professional help.

The fact that you're here is bonus for you. You're at least searching for an answer and that puts you in the 1% of the population that actually does that as opposed to the 99% that never seek help. You've already taken the first step. Now please take the next. Let us know how everything turned out.

[K_3]

In addition to what I said earlier, my best friend's personality totally changed when she went on birth control. She gained weight, got depressed and was grumpy with everyone. The doctor took her off the pill, after a year she was still feeling some of the feelings and went to another doctor who specialized in hormone therapy and within a couple of months was on her way to her old self. You need to take it seriously, see a doctor before a therapist.

[sarah_lou]

BF shuld never make you completely happy.

Have these things checked out immeditely.

NOT sure why you would ever go on the pill AGAIN after the first experience. I hope to hell he didn't presure you.

There are MANY other forms of birth control. WHY THE HELL COULDN'T HE USE CONDUMS??????? Is he selfish as well??? Irresponsible.

The only times I feel like myself anymore is when he's with me, because he makes me happy. My friends don't bother with me much since we've been going out.

We did use condoms. The pill was in case it split, as it tended to do a lot back then. I went on the pill because it was a different brand and I honestly thought it wouldn't happen again.

I don't see why he's given up on me. We were on top of the world last week. I don't understand why he can't just be patient, and understand that I don't need him to provide all the help and support, just the understanding that I'm trying to get things back on track. Its like he's just decided that he can't and that I'm not even worth fighting for.

I told him on Friday that I had decided to go to my doctors to get help. I know that I need to because I'm fed up of feeling down all the time. This summer was great, no problems at all. As soon as I've gone back to uni though the thing has come back, I feel down because I miss his company and my friends from back home.

Where can I get a counsellor from? I knew I needed one. I finally told my mum everything tonight. We were talking for over an hour. It feels a little better, but now I've got this on me which is blocking everything else out. We were going to get married for christs sake.

Ive spoken about how I feel before. His usual answer was that I should get out more and make more friends, which I am trying to do. But I have a really low self-confidence, and its hard. And the worst thing now is that my friends are his friends. So who do I have left from them? No-one, the one I get on best with lives 4 hours away.

The worst thing is that I had made plans on how I was going to sort myself out. And then this happens and kick me down again. I don't know what to do anymore.

[Wildcat21]

Hmmmm... go to your University crisis center - they must have something like that there. Our to the universities student hospital. Tell them you need to speak with a counsleour.

Right - no w I strong advise you get your health in order - and that means mental as well.

The last thing you need right now is a boyfriend. He can come later. Leave hi ma lone for now. Please.

Your health comes first.

[sarah_lou]

You don't understand how hard that is. Ive been with him since I was 16, I'm 19 now. I don't know anything else.

[Wildcat21]

My god! You're too young to feel this way. Go out and have fun! Date other guys! You shouldn't even be in this position - you should be going out and enjoying - he isn't your world!

[sarah_lou]

He is to me. He emailed back saying he can't handle the pressure of being in the relationship, because there's nothing he thinks he can do. He keeps thinking what can I do to fix the problem and there are no answers to him.

So he's decided that if he can't help me now that there's not point in staying together? What about over 2 years of happy amazing times? All I need is his patience and understanding what I'm having a hard time and I'm working on it. I don't need him to feel like he is the only one who can help.

Ive made an appointment to see a counsellor.

[SamanthaShane]

Please seek help immediately if you are feeling suicidal. Call a Suicide hotline or dial 911.
Seek help from a professional for your depression. Depression comes in so many forms, but with the right counseling and meds (if needed) it can make a world of diffence.

[sarah_lou]

Im not feeling suicidal any more. I did about 2 years ago when I was on the pill. All I'm trying to explain is how **** I feel now he's gone, and that I'm wondering what the point of anything is anymore. I couldn't ever kill myself anyway, I couldn't bring that upon my family and friends. Im not stupid. I care about them, that's why I don't know why this has happened and its hit me really hard. I don't know what to do next

But thank you all for trying to help anyway, I don't want to seem like I don't want it, because I really do.

[s_cianci]

Well you've got to work on your depression. It's not fair to those around you who have to tolerate your verbal and emotional abuse. Frankly I don't blame him for wanting out. See a psychiatrist for therapy and a prescription for an antidepressant. It's possible that some experimentation may be necessary to determine an appropriate medication and dosage so be prepared. But don't take your frustrations out on others.

[talaniman]

You aren't the only one to have a long term relationship break up. These threads are full of them. We all know how you feel and All we want is for you to get healthy and then I 'm sure we can talk about anything else.