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melly07 · Jun 17, 2009, 07:56 PM

I'm seeing this guy and we were hanging out all day, you know doing cute stuff, we were in a soccer field with my best friend and his best friend, they like each other.. Me and him were flirting, but were seeing each other.. So that's okay, we were playing soccer together and you know, just having fun.
About an hour later, my friend, his friend, him and I all went to go see his friends, all of a sudden it was as if he was ignoring and avoiding me to be with his friends... I felt kind of weird, so I left. As I was leaving I was so devastated that I told his friend "I'm never hanging out with him, he avoids me", little did I know his friend went to go tell him.. He called and texted me but I didn't get them, so when I realized it, I called back, and he said "I heard you don't want to chill with me anymore" and I responded "no it's just you avoid me when you're with your friends" and he said "I'm sorry you feel that way". Then we hung up.
Oh did I forget to mention I'm 15 and he's 18.
Should I take the fact that he's ignoring me seriously ? :confused:

Fr_Chuck · Jun 17, 2009, 07:58 PM

He is 18 and you are 15, at those ages 3 years is like a life time in experience, in what you are allowed to do, in times you have to be home in the evening.

In 4 or 5 years, that 3 year gap is nothing, but now it is often a world about.

melly07 · Jun 17, 2009, 08:07 PM

K but he doesn't mind about the age,
It's just I'm confused to see whether I should take the fact that he was avooiding me seriously or not...

Justwantfair · Jun 17, 2009, 08:10 PM

Leave him alone, he should leave you alone as well.

Dating you can get him in all kinds of trouble. He is clearly ashamed of anyone seeing him interested in someone so much younger than he is.

Three years is a big difference in your age range. Can you imagine dating a twelve yo?

melly07 · Jun 17, 2009, 08:11 PM

But he introduced me to his friends and everything...

Justwantfair · Jun 17, 2009, 08:15 PM

So he isn't rude? He introduced you, that is polite. That doesn't mean that he wants to date you or that he should.

melly07 · Jun 17, 2009, 08:21 PM

Threads merged

We were dating for about nine months, during that time he's made many stupid mistakes but in the end I kept coming back, and the mistakes he's made most girls wouldn't even consider taking a guy back, but there is something about him that just keeps me coming back. The mistakes he's made is cheating, he cheated on me once in December with this girl they made out, then again with this slut who knew we were dating, then the last time was with my own best friend, she's been obsessed with him for the whole time we've been dating... Were trying to do this whole friend thing, but every time I see him it's like I want more then just friends, I want to be able to call him my boyfriend again, he ended it with me to go with another girl... but what I don't understand is the girl had the same name as me.. Does that mean he still can't forget me? Is it really over with us ? :confused:

melly07 · Jun 17, 2009, 08:23 PM

But were seeing each other.. I'm just so confused about what he wants.. he tells me it's me he wants & he shows it too, but it doesn't feel the same when he's with his friends.

Justwantfair · Jun 17, 2009, 08:25 PM

Then he is purely ashamed to tell his friends that you are his girlfriend.

Really doesn't matter what you hear, you are going to argue.

Your relationship could put him in jail. You are underage and he is an adult.

JBeaucaire · Jun 17, 2009, 08:33 PM

You were "so devastated" because a guy having fun with you started having fun with his other friends? It's "devastating" to not get his full attention? Is it really?

And then you spouted something rude (yes, you did) to one of his friends as you left... and "little did you know he told the guy"... Seriously? You knew exactly where your message would go. (yes, you did).

Based on this, I can only conclude that you're a drama magnet... and even the very first thing you told us probably wasn't exactly true. You're not actually "seeing this guy", are you? Does he actually know that? If so, does he know you expect him to sift attention to you all the time?

Since we're not friends, I can risk being straight with you in a way you might hear and benefit from. So here goes...

Lighten up!

Most guys are NOT the emotional ball of nerves you seem to be, and if you attribute YOUR sensibilities to HIM, or any guy, you'll always be in one state of angry or another. My little sister was this way and she made everyone miserable, even people who actually DID like her.

Truth is, you can actually trust what guys do. So if this guy spends time hanging out with you, then hangs out with his friends, you can firmly conclude only one thing. You are his friend. He treats you like a friend. He's nice and he has other friends and other concerns.

There is no basis for you:
a) accusing him of ignoring you
b) saying rude things to him through his friends, (yes, you did)
c) getting angry at people you "like" as a means to control them

You know, words mean things. You should seriously reconsider the extreme way in which you communicate. I'm calling you out on it. I'm telling you that you have to BE A GOOD FRIEND before you will really ever have good friends.

So, start practicing. Every time you think you've been "wronged" (which I bet is way more often than you care to admit, think about it)... every time you think you've been wronged... don't! Forgive it and/or forget it.

A) Forgive it if you WERE wronged because that's what friends do, so you win by being forgiving right out of the gate

B) Forget it, because chances are you really WEREN'T wronged, and forgetting it keeps you from alienating would-be friends and boyfriends because you're a nutcase.

Ok, rant over. Go forth and be friendly. I know you can do it. Years of practice and you'll be great.

melly07 · Jun 17, 2009, 08:38 PM

K first of all. We are seeing each other..
And how am I a nutcase, I'm a 15 year old girl who's asking for advice
And yes I know that maybe I did take it too far but I'm trying to figure out a way to fix it with him.

JBeaucaire · Jun 17, 2009, 08:55 PM

Forgive and forget... age old advice still applies in 2009.

Make sure you have plenty of other friends to entertain yourself with when he is with others, that way you won't feel wronged.

Get in the habit of being HAPPY for him that he has so much to do and so many people to do it with. BE GLAD for him. Encourage him to do stuff with people, don't be "that girl" who is a joy-buster. Be an encourager.

Guys LIKE to be around girls who make them feel good about themselves. Which is why I wonder why so many times they choose the "guilt-trip" method of communication. It has the exact opposite effect you want.

I wish · Jun 17, 2009, 09:09 PM

You really need to get over him. We'd tell you to cut all communication with him, but I'm guessing that you won't listen.

So if you want to prolong the pain and suffering, then you can hold out hope.

When you're ready to move on, then cut all ties, block him out of your life and move on...

melly07 · Jun 17, 2009, 09:10 PM

Your completely right, I won't listen because honestly I'm in love with this guy, and he's friends with all my friends.. so its hard to cut comunications with him.

I wish · Jun 17, 2009, 09:12 PM

When you are ready to stop suffering, you know what to do. Cut all ties as if he doesn't exist.

melly07 · Jun 17, 2009, 09:13 PM

I get what your saying, and all I can say is this guy has hurt me so much but I'm too stupid to get over him, easier said then done right, do you have some tips that u can help me with ?

I wish · Jun 17, 2009, 09:29 PM

Here are the no contact rules:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

I had the most difficult time getting over a girl. That's the reason I joined this forum. I followed the rules in the link that I provided you and I'm doing a lot better now.

If you want to read about my situation, here it is: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...re-319894.html. The situation is very different from yours, but it's the same idea. Trying to get over someone.

The people in this forum gave me some very harsh and direct advice. It took me a while before I was able to follow the advice. But I did it and I'm glad I did.

Gemini54 · Jun 18, 2009, 03:16 AM

You can get over him if you decide to. Simple as that. You've just got to decide.

Why would you date a guy that's a serial cheater? You may as well hit yourself over the head with a frypan every hour. It makes as much sense.

He may be friends with all your friends but he's cheating with them as well. Don't you get it? He doesn't respect you and you don't respect yourself if you keep going back for more.

doesntwantit26 · Jun 18, 2009, 04:09 AM

Girl you need to run and get away from him as fast as you can. If he's cheating he obviously doesn't care about you! I had this one friend who was with this guy for about five years he cheated on her the whole time and he ended up getting another girl pregnant while she was pregnant with her third child by him. And she's still with him and still getting cheated on. He uses her like a doormat. Its sad and she goes through a lot. Get away from him!

ZoeMarie · Jun 18, 2009, 04:16 AM

Originally Posted by melly07

but im too stupid to get over him

This line says a lot. It's your choice if you want to get over him or not. I would go the smart route and start NC. Your friends will understand if they know how you feel. You can't get over someone that you still see/talk to on a regular basis. You really are going to prolong your pain the longer he's in the picture. If he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn't have broken up with you for another girl. Get out there and make some new friends too so that you're not only hanging out with the ones that he's friends with. Making new friends and having fun is a great way to move forward. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying forget about the old ones.