[makeitwork12]

I am 34 I have been married for 11yr.I feel very unhappy.I do not understand why.My husband is a good man he works very hard to take care of me and our 3 kids.I know he loves me with all his heart,and would give me the world.All I seem to think about is leaving him.Then I think about how hard it would be.I think about being with other men all the time, but I do not want to have sex with my husband ever.All I do Is keep hurting him.When he does not answer my phone calls or text I get up set.When he is not with me I wonder what he is doing,but when we are together I want him to leave me alone.I feel so confused I really want to stop hurting him.I do not want to hurt my children either they love their dad very much.I know that the best thing for all of us is to make it work.I just want to know how?

[N0help4u]

It sounds like you have been so co dependent on him that you are bored with him. Can you take some classes, get enrolled in some activities, join some women's social club, volunteer somewhere, join the Y, Curves or something? You sound like you need a life and are projecting the fact that you do not onto your husband.

[I wish]

Time for some professional help. You need some marriage counselling.

You also need some personal therapy to sort out your personal issues as well.

[Jake2008]

I'm sure you realize that having such a good husband and father is a rare event these days. I don't think you mentioned one single factor that makes you feel he is causing your sadness, so I will concentrate on you.

We often hurt those we love the most, because their love is unconditional. You wouldn't treat any other person the way you would treat your husband, and he loves you anyway. I don't see that necessarily as a negative thing, because with that kind of connection with another human being, you can fix what is wrong between you. And, you indicate that you are not treating him in a retaliatory way, or because he has done something wrong.

What exactly makes you unhappy, or do you know. Is it just the dulldrums of everyday living? Is it the stress of raising three children in a crazy world? Financial difficulties and worries?

When is the last time you and your husband spent quality time together. Maybe gone out for dinner or to the movies? What have you done to address the distance you feel for your husband. Are you moving farther away, or are you trying to bring him closer.

Marriages are not perfect. People grow and change. Attitudes change, interests, not to mention conflicts with everyday living. These changes can move couples in opposite directions, but communication and sharing will keep the foundation strong.

What do you do for yourself in addition to your family responsibilities. Do you have your own girlfriends you go out with? Belong to any groups? Volunteer work?

Maybe it is time to really take stock of everything. What makes you happy, what makes the people you love happy. How is your sadness affecting them.

Have you considered counselling? It is good to talk face to face with a counsellor who may help you discover why you are stuck in this place. It may have nothing to do with your marriage at all.

I hope you address whatever it is that is causing you to feel this way soon. Maybe consider a checkup to rule out any physical problems, and have you considered that you may be depressed?

I really wish you well. Others will offer suggestions I'm sure. There is always hope, and I admire you for trying to address this.

[Fr_Chuck]

Do you work outside of the home ?

But you need some marriage counseling

[N0help4u]

As Jake said don't mess up a good thing. The grass is not greener. I have known girls that got bored with their ideal marriage and left the guy for a guy with a 'bad' guy image.
Some worked out, some didn't and they are really regretting it.