[Kia]

This might be corny; but I really would like some feedback from some fellow Christians. Why does God seem to deny us true love sometimes? Does he take away or deny being with that one person who really makes you happy above all others if you are not walking correctly with him; even if you have prayed almost absessively for you two to be together? When I say walking correctly I mean attending Church regularly, no premarital sex, praying regularly, etc...


I guess I'm just so stumped and wondering why God seems to have outright denied me this one man in my life who I love so deeply. But the thing is he is still in my life ; about 7 years now. We dated, did have a sexual relationship, stopped, still are friends as we talk to each other frequently, hang out from time to time, know everything about each other, etc... Yet, he has never wanted to be in a relationship.

Now I was a little fast back in the day; during about the first 2-4 years before I really decided to start living in a more Christian manner. But even during those times I prayed, on my knees daily that God would bring us together & that I could marry him. The funny thing is he has been in my life for this long, and we haven't even fizzled out as most people do & I wouldn't want that anyway. He's a good friend to me & such a great guy.


I guess I just don't understand why God hasn't allowed him to feel... enough... for him to want a relationship with me. It probably wouldn't be such a big deal to me if I hadn't prayed so hard for him, and for so long...

And a part of me wonders if it would make a difference if I were to strengthen my Christian walk, even now, would it make a difference with how he feels; or how God would allow him to feel...

Sorry if this was lengthy, but anyone's opinions on this situation would be great.. Thanks!

[spitvenom]

I was raised a Christian I don't practice anymore but I do not think it is God's fault. God gave us free will to make our own decisions. You even said "Yet, he has never wanted to be in a relationship." To me that is this man's free will God will not force him to be in a relationship with you no matter how much you pray because it is this man's free will. Just my opinion.

[this8384]

After reading through your post a few times, I personally think you're looking at this the wrong way. What you're basically saying is that you're not happy because God hasn't made this guy fall head over heels for you... that isn't how God works.

You prayed for a man; this guy came along but isn't fully interested. You want a reason; maybe he's just not the guy for you.

God doesn't always give us what we want, and most of the time it's for the better.

[nikosmom]

God doesn't always give us what we want, but He will give you what you need. He knows best. He knows what you need in a mate. And perhaps this guy is not the one.

I also believe this: God desires that He be #1 in our lives. He is the Alpha and Omega. That being said, He's not going to put someone in your life if it would cause your focus to shift. God knows your thoughts and perhaps He knows that this relationship would direct your attention from Him.

The Word says that you shall not be unequally yoked. Maybe, there's your answer.

Continue on your walk and trust in His best for you. Why wouldn't He give you his best? ;)

[revdrgade]

In agreement with those who have answered ahead of me, here are some messages from God:

Jas 1:16-17

16 Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. 17 EVERY GOOD and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
NIV

Isa 49:23
Then you will know that I am the Lord;
Those who hope in me will not be disappointed
NIV

To be able to receive the good of these promises, you do need to trust Him. That may mean asking for God to close the door of you life on this man... and asking God to lead you to what He has in mind for you.
Granted, this is by no means an easy task for one who has their heart set on their own plans.

[spitvenom]

Hey This,
Yes we all have free will. I was taught in Catholic school that free will was a gift from God. So if we have this gift from God we can't ask God to control a persons free will just to suite what we want. If God did that then what is the point of giving us free will?

[this8384]

Hey This,
Yes we all have free will. I was taught in Catholic school that free will was a gift from God. So if we have this gift from God we can't ask God to control a persons free will just to suite what we want. If God did that then what is the point of giving us free will?

Just some clarification: I agree wholeheartedly that we have a free-will... in re-reading my greenie to you, it seemed like I might have been confused on that topic :)

[spitvenom]

Yeah I was kind of confused by that. But I am confused most of the time. :p

[homesell]

First, Love never forces someone to do something.
Second, you deserve a man that loves you and is willing to commit to you.
Third, because we pray for something doesn't mean it's what is best for us, we only think it is.
Fourth, by being obsessed with this guy, you've prevented yourself the opportunities of a relationship with a man that will love you.
Fifth, vowing to strengthen your walk with God hoping you will get something in return for this is wrong.
Sixth, if you focused more on your walk with God, keeping your eyes on Jesus, you will be amazed at how little the things of this world matter to you.
Seventh, I said all I did out of love and concern, not condemnation. May you be filled with the grace and peace of His Spirit.

[inthebox]

And a part of me wonders if it would make a difference if I were to strengthen my Christian walk, even now,

Of course, your walking with God makes you a more loving [ 1 Corinthians 13 ] person, and that makes you more attractive to everyone.

Perhaps this is God's way of telling you that at this time He wants you alone, with no baggage? And when the time is right, it will happen.





G&P

[Fr_Chuck]

The issue is so many things, first we try to put God's plan into our terms.

I don't see many of th 12 that followed Christ retiring to a mansion by the Red Sea or having wonderful family lives, What we do have is them tortured, in prison and more.

And what we look for, is not always what God has in plan or in hopes for us to choose

[nikosmom]

I just thought about this some more and what if it is God's desire that you remain single. That doesn't mean that he is "denying you love". Maybe He has a different plan for you. There are some people, take Paul for example, that best serve Him while remaining single. Just another take on it.

I do agree with other posts that if you ultimately strengthen your relationship with God, he will slowly reveal what he has in store for you. Just open yourself to His plan.

[Wondergirl]

I've been praying for a generous slice of four-layer chocolate cake with fudgy icing and chocolate pudding filling with a side of vanilla ice cream, but it hasn't shown up yet. What am I doing wrong? I must not be praying hard enough? Maybe God doesn't love me enough?

[arcura]

Kia,
You have been given some very good thoughts and answers so far.
I believe that God have heard your prayers and has answered them with either No or maybe, or wait.
The free will of your friend (what ever that may be) has much to do with that answer.
Keep God first and foremost in your life and continue to live it as best you can.
God will continue to answer your prayers in His way that is best for you, though at first you may not see it that way.
We all need God in our lives and He needs us because He loves us so very much.
That is a wonderful way to think about love.
So continue on knowing that God wants fro you that which is best.
"Let go and let God" is an old saying that has much good advice in just a few words.
Peace and kindness,
Fred (arcura)

[Kia]

Thanks to everyone for your answers. They are giving me some sort of calm. I am in a relationship currently with a guy I care for deeply & I can say that I do love. But like I said, I am still friends with this other guy & we talk often, but its just a feeling I get, a deeper sense of enjoyment I guess; I don't know if some of you can understand... its not really about lust, outside of general attraction; but more of a feeling like we make so much sense together, and time kind of passes when I am around him, or when we talk. I can talk to him about anything. I just end up reflecting I guess & wondering why we aren't together since I feel how I do when I am around him.

But I guess I will try to understand that God is the one who makes these types of decisions-)

[spitvenom]

Did you ever tell the other guy how you feel?

[Kia]

Did you ever tell the other guy how you feel?

Yes, he knows. But he says he's always had a hard time trusting me due to some things he found out about me a while back. Of course I can't be absolutely sure that this is the case. But, some of it was true. I did deal with a few guys while I was dealing with him, but it was more out him being the number 1 guy I wanted to be with, but he wasn't on the same page, so I messed around with other guys just so I wouldn't feel lonely or stupid for waiting around for him. I was trying to keep up the image that I was all about him; which in my heart & mind I was , even though he would disappear sometimes weeks or months on end. In addition, I had females who I thought were close friends at the time, tell him all about what I was doing & who I was seeing besides him. I guess in a man's eyes, its not good for women to look like they are out there even though, they may not be in a relationship with you.

Again this was all before I decided to change my ways.. a couple of years ago...

But we still remain close

[arcura]

Kia,
Thanks for the explanation.
Fred

[slapshot_oi]

It's the same reason why God took all reason to live from Job although he was a model human and feared God, and why he nearly had Abraham kill his own son; it's a constant test.

[321543]

There are times when the best prayer is the un answered one. I have to have prayed to keep x girlfriends, thinking I knew what was best. Later in life to discover that God really knew what was best for me and I was glad he did not answer my prayer.
Through out it all I developed a relationship with God First , keeping Faith in his wisdom , not my own. For he knows our heart and every need and wishes for us to be happy.