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mattyj1664 · Jun 9, 2009, 05:32 AM

Hi my girlfriend lived with her gran and sadly she has died. She is now pressuring me to let her move in with me. She has mentioned this before, the death but I have said no a we tried it only 4 months ago and it didn`t work, as she is in the middle of studying. And it won't work while she is studying, and I am working away. As she does not want to live back at hers because everything there reminds her of her gran. I have said that I don't mind at all her staying at mine for as long as she wants, but if she moves in it will be for the wrong reasons. And she will have to go home eventually and cope, as she if just putting the grief off. So she know thinks that I do not love her when nothing is further than the truth, I adore her and when we do move in eventually I want it to work, and be for the right reasons. And now she is saying she will move in with her friends Is there anyone out there how can help?

Holly23 · Jun 9, 2009, 05:38 AM

Your in the wrong here.Everyone grieves differently and she wanted you to help her, she turned to you and you just pushed her away.Now she wants to move in with her friends, let her!hat you want her to live on her own, in her dead granmothers house? Instead of being there for her you just came up with the excuse that it was just to hard.pfftt...

Gemini54 · Jun 15, 2009, 02:48 AM

I think instead that you are doing the right thing.

You know your relationship and how it works.

Sadly, she is grieving her nan and you need to show her that you want to support her. Why don't you suggest that she move in with friends and spend weekends with you?

dontknownuthin · Jun 20, 2009, 07:04 PM

I don't think that the only way you can help a hurting friend is to let her move in with you against your better judgement. Perhaps offer to help her redecorate the home she shared with her grandmother, to get it ready to sell so she can buy something new, or to just go through her grandmother's stuff. She can pack things up without getting rid of them for now, if it's too hard to decide.

If she says it's too hard to live there, finish the conversation with her. Tell her you want to talk through those feelings with her. What is hard about it? Specifically what in the house is hurtful for her. Is she overwhelmed to go through her grandmother's things? Just talking through it you might be able to come up with ways she can act on those feelings and resolve them in time.

You are a good friend and should not feel badly that you can't do this one thing of letting her move in. REmain steady as a friend, and help in ways that don't compromise what's best for you.