Check out some similar questions!

oceanlver77 · Jun 13, 2009, 12:57 PM

My husband has BIPolar. He is extremely emotionally/verbally abusive and has been for years. Long story short, he's getting worse despite treatment.

I DO NOT want to divorce him. Correction... I will not divorce him. Its against my faith/beliefs. I will however need to move out of state unless he agrees to move to an apartment - its unlikely he will (stubborn & pride)

My parents are in AZ and will help me get back on my feet - providing daycare, a place to live with no rent, etc.

My question is this -- can I leave the state with the children? I will not be divorced, so do I need his permission in some type of written agreement? If he doesn't give his OK, do I need some type of court order? I know there are temporary custody orders, but this would not be temporary - it would be long term.

I'm not concerned with child support, etc. at this time. I haven't addressed that with him. If need be I will file the appropriate papers (been through this before). My only concern is going about it the right way, and being able to legally leave the state with my children.

Thanks for your help,
Pamela

ScottGem · Jun 13, 2009, 01:06 PM

First, please pay more attention to posting instructions. This was moved form the Divorce forum since it's a legal issue.

Second, you can move with the children. But you he could win custody since you abandoned him. You do need to inform him where you are and how to contact you or you could be charged with parental kidnapping.

If he files for divorce you may be forced to return or he may win custody of the kids.

So you really need to consult an attorney before you make any moves.

stinawords · Jun 13, 2009, 01:13 PM

You need to get a lawyer before you do any moving arrangements. What state are you in right now? Obviously each state has their own set of laws but scott is right about the parental kidnapping in basically all states that I know of. You have the right to take them with you and he also has the right to come and pick them up and take them back with him. In order to have a custody arrangement set up you will need to go to court to prevent him keeping the kids from you. You also need to keep in mind that he will get visitation and since you are the one moving you will need to provide transportation for the visits.

lorisam7879 · Jun 13, 2009, 01:17 PM

Sorry about that, I could not find the family law forum...

I would inform him. He would know I'm at my parents house and he has the contact info, etc. I would not be abandoning him. He'll be given a choice, either move out himself or I'll have to move to avoid the abuse.

I've tried to consult with a lawyer but have been blown off. I do not have thousands to retain one, and unless you're swimming in money they treat you like dirt. Tried to get a free consult that was offered but he never called and won't allow me to schedule another one.

I'm in FL right now. I've tried to research the laws but have not found anything despite my many attempts. I don't want to move across country but again if he refuses to leave then I cannot stay in this abusive household. It seems unfair for a judge to expect me to stay here, or move and provide arrangements for him to see the kids. He cannot be alone with them because of his current condition - abusive, which is why we're leaving...

The laws seem to be for the abuser and not to protect those being abused... figures... I do appreciate your prompt replies.

ScottGem · Jun 13, 2009, 01:20 PM

What are you using three screen names? An was was one of those named answering questions about divorce?

lorisam7879 · Jun 13, 2009, 01:22 PM

Sorry about the multiple screen names, I believe this lorisam is a screen name hubby uses for work, didn't realize it was logged in.

ScottGem · Jun 13, 2009, 01:23 PM

And why was was one of those names answering questions about divorce?

oceanlver77 · Jun 13, 2009, 01:23 PM

Not sure what is going on. I just created oceanlver77 today to ask this question. I do know my husband uses these forums for info for his work... for some reason when I logged in that lori name came up. My apologies, now that I know there are two names used I will pay more attention to use the account I created.

ScottGem · Jun 13, 2009, 01:28 PM

Sorry, I'm not buying it. We have record of three screen names from your computer. Two of those names have answered questions about divorce. So is your husband a divorce attorney? One of the names had several posts deleted for advertising.

Then you come on and ask questions about divorce. Sounds too fishy to me.

In any case your questions have been answered.

oceanlver77 · Jun 13, 2009, 01:35 PM

Wow. I'm not sure why you're being so rude. I am telling the truth. No he is not a divorce lawyer, he works for a divorce service and has used this forum before as have his fellow employees, that's how I found out about it.
I do hope you don't treat all the visitors like this... I don't deserve such rudeness. I am simply in a bind and trying to get some help, hence my question about moving out of state. I did not ask a question about divorce, if you would read my post it says I do not want a divorce...
Goodness, I thought that is what this place was for, to get advise/help. I was wrong obviously.

ScottGem · Jun 13, 2009, 01:54 PM

Lets see now, you start by not reading instructions. There is a sticky note at the top of this forum that instructs people to ask legal questions in the Family Law forum.
I read your question and answered it in good faith. I was then informed that four separate screen names were created from your PC. One them banned for advertising yesterday, the other three all posting answers about divorce issues. The lorisam was just created yesterday.

Sorry, I'm not being rude. I'm enforcing the rules of this site. We frown on people using multiple IDs.
Maybe you are telling the truth, but experience makes me very skeptical about that. Your reaction supports my feelings.

stinawords · Jun 13, 2009, 02:01 PM

Scott isn't being rude he is doing his part at keeping this site cleaned up from multiple ID's. Your question has been answered by more than one person. Do you have another one if so ask it but don't go around making accusations about the people who help a great deal of people on here.

oceanlver77 · Jun 13, 2009, 02:09 PM

My reaction is based on pure emotion. I was honest about my husband and his work, I don't know how he uses this site, just know that he uses it. We both use this computer.
I am not making false accusations. I felt incredibly attacked and offended when I was up front and honest about the situation as soon as I noticed a different screen name.
I understand you're protecting against spam, etc. but I was simply in need of assistance and was attacked for something, obviously something wrong, my husband did.
I also apologized for posting in the divorce area, clearly stating I could not find family law. My husband is out of the house and was trying to get a question posted before he returned.
Sorry for all the trouble, but your response was attacking and out of line.

ScottGem · Jun 13, 2009, 02:13 PM

Originally Posted by oceanlver77

I also apologized for posting in the divorce area, clearly stating I could not find family law.

but your response was attacking and out of line.

I find it difficult to understand how someone cannot find the Family Law forum since there is a whole section devoted to Law.

Sorry, again, but my response was NOT out of line. Your responses, however, have been.

oceanlver77 · Jun 13, 2009, 02:15 PM

This is not what I came here for, to be bashed and accused. I strongly disagree with your post and your attacks.
Please delete my account immediately as I am unable to find where to do so.

ScottGem · Jun 13, 2009, 02:19 PM

Originally Posted by oceanlver77

This is not what I came here for, to be bashed and accused. I strongly disagree with your post and your attacks.
Please delete my account immediately as I am unable to find where to do so.

You have not been bashed, the only accusation made was based on the fact of multiple logins. One of those facts is that the lorisam ID answered a question very similar to yours just yesterday.

We do not delete accounts here. If you no longer wish to participate on this site, then stop logging on.

I do, however, want to thank you for giving me an idea. I have now added a link to the Family Law forum in the notes instructing that it be used. So future members can't claim they couldn't find it.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 13, 2009, 02:33 PM

You will not be able to just leave the state with the children legally.

You will still have to file for custody of the children ( not divorce but still family court) you can get a order of child support from the husband.

Now the husband will be given visititation, so you can't more the children out of the area where he lives without his permission.

If you try, he can file for custody and order you to either move back or give him the kids.

oceanlver77 · Jun 13, 2009, 02:43 PM

Thank you Chuck for your reply, I appreciate it very much.