[jeff clink]

Well I don't know if this goes under this category, but my girl friend just told me that her dad has been raping her, and beating her since she was 6. I went ballistic, I felt like killing him, and asking her why she never told me. We've been together for 5 yrs, she's now 16, and I'm 18. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. If I break up with her, its only going to hurt her more. Should I ask her to move in with me, and my mom, or what?

[buddy1987]

Dude, you can't help those who won't help themselves, what has she tried to do to remove herself from the situation? I mean seriously dude, did you ever consider that she might be making a mountian out of a mole hill? You have to ask yourself, what constitutes being beat? I mean if you have been with her for 5 years don't you think you would have seen some signs of her "beatings?" its one of 2 ways, you noticed it and didn't say anything for 5 years or she might be a little pissed off because daddy didn't let little suzi take the desoto to the malt shop to hang out with her friends... l

[Triysle]

I know you are enraged right now, but it's not your place to take any direct action against her father. If you go attack him, regardless of how justified you think you are, you are just throwing your life away for a worthless person.

Now, what I suggest you do is sit down with your girl and encourage her to talk to someone about it who can actually help her. You are not her guardian or in any way responsible for her, so you need to help guide her to someone who is. It will be difficult; she probably blames herself and is afraid of what her father might do to her or her family.

If she is unwilling, then you will need to alert someone that this is going on. I don't know if going directly to law enforcement is your best option, but I also do not suggest going to her family.

Ultimately, there is nothing you can do directly. She has to make the actual accusation for anything to be done. And unfortunately... that is the hardest thing to do.

Best of luck.

~ Tee

[chuff]

I'm not trying to be funny or insulting but is this a real question?

You've been dating your girlfriend since she was 11?

[Triysle]

I'm not trying to be funny or insulting but is this a real question?

You've been dating your girlfriend since she was 11?

I think we should focus on the main issue here instead of analyzing the relationship itself. Perhaps he posted in the wrong section but he is looking for guidance nonetheless.

~ Tee

[chuff]

I think we should focus on the main issue here instead of analyzing the relationship itself. Perhaps he posted in the wrong section but he is looking for guidance nonetheless.

~ Tee

And the issue is, is this a real question.

[ScottGem]

1) where is her mother in all this?
2) if her father has really been abusing her, either sexually and/or physically, then she needs to go to children's services for help. Or she can talk to her doctor, school guidance counselor, etc.
3) if you have been in a relationship with this girl for 5 years, then you have a lot invested in it to walk away now, not to mention what it will do to her.
4) I do not recommend having her move in with you. That's a different powderkeg. But if she is being abused she needs to get out of her home and into a foster home.

[talaniman]

As upset as you are, the thing she needs to know is tell someone, so she can at least get help. Breaking up with her is not a good option, nor is moving in with you, and your mom.

I think you should let her know that your going to talk to YOUR mom, for some guidance about this, as neither of you can handle something this big, without some trusted adult to help you. That's the best thing to do, but talk to her first, and let her know what you think is the best way to go.

You can love, and support her, but its up to her, to tell her story, and get help. Confronting her family is not up to you at all, and better think before you act, as that can cause more harm than good, so just encourage her to talk to someone that can help.

Why can't she talk to her own Mom?

[Triysle]

Why can't she talk to her own Mom??

I would imagine that she has severe trust issues with her paternal relatives. Can you blame her?

~ Tee

[I wish]

It's not your fight and you can't help someone who doesn't want help.

Even though you've been together for 5 years, you shouldn't be angry with your girlfriend for keeping it from you for this long. She told you when she felt ready. This is a huge deal and she must trust you a lot to tell you this. So now that you earned her trust, keep your cool.

What you need to do is be supportive of her. Consult your mom for guidance. Hear your girlfriend out. Let her know that she has OPTIONS, she doesn't have to stay stuck in her current situation. But DO NOT take matters into your own hands. Your girlfriend has to take care of this herself. You be her boyfriend and stand by her side nor matter what she decides to do.

[Wondergirl]

I would imagine that she has severe trust issues with her paternal relatives. Can you blame her?

~ Tee

Her mother is not one of her paternal relatives.

[Triysle]

Her mother is not one of her paternal relatives.

Ah jeez just shows what a twelve hour shift in a sixty hour work week will do to you, haha.

I meant parental relatives. Parents. Sorry >.<

~ Tee