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jennsan · Jun 12, 2009, 08:09 AM

I have been married for 6 years, together for 7. We have 4 beautiful children but the marriage is not working. I told my husband last night that I no longer want to be married to him. He said since I'm the one walking away, I should be the one to leave. I do not want to give up my rights to my children and subsequently face abandonment charges. I need to know what the rules/laws are on abandonment. If I leave the house to stay somewhere else, do I completely give up my rights to my children?:confused:

88sunflower · Jun 12, 2009, 08:16 AM

By no means is this legal advice. I would say talk to a lawyer first. Which is what I did. I wanted to leave my husband and was terrified of the same thing. I did meet with a lawyer and he told me that abandonment is when the other parent can longer be found or your gone for years. If you leave but your still active in your children's lives then your fine. But again that's what he told me a few months back.

stevetcg · Jun 12, 2009, 11:27 AM

No, of course you don't. Leaving is not abandoning. Its getting a divorce and the kids are actually better off staying where they are. Leave and get a lawyer. You will file for visitation and support immediately and the divorce will proceed as most do.

This is not at all uncommon and does not affect your rights. The biggest concern is that the kids are established where they are now. If you opt to move far away, especially if they are in school, you are coming in at a disadvantage where custody is concerned, but it by no means waives or affects your rights. The court's concern is to disrupt the kids as little as possible.

lorisam7879 · Jun 12, 2009, 08:33 PM

Abandonment rules vary by state... meaning every state has its own definition. For the most part, from what I've read, most states don't consider it abandonment until one is gone for at least a year if not more, and has had no contact with the spouse or children.
I would not leave the kids there if you want custody of them. You leaving them there and going to live somewhere else would not look good upon you. The judge would think, if she wants custody so badly, why did she leave them there? Either stick around, or leave and take the children - just be sure to stay in state. If you don't have his permission you shouldn't leave the state...