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TL4ever · Jun 10, 2009, 02:48 PM

My mom told me that she wanted a divorce with my father today. But it was only to me. So I'm very confused if they're really are going to divorce, because ever since I was little, they've been arguing and even threatening to divorce.
Of course, I didn't understand at all why they wanted to divorce. I keep on asking myself why, why... WHYYY?
Is it my fault? I know most kids blame themselves, but, I have FIVE other brothers. Four little ones. They won't even understand a thing, or why mommy/daddy isn't with them anymore.
I'm more concerned about my little brother's future lives if my parents ever divorce. I feel so stressed out right now about school, and my parents. I want to prevent this if they DO decide to divorce. I hope with all my heart this isn't the real deal...
I'm not even sure about legal rights and such, or who gets to go with who. If we'll have to face up to court... I think if we ever do I'll literally get on my knees in front of everyone and beg my parents to stay together.

crazychick56 · Jun 10, 2009, 03:11 PM

Well I believe every thread needs to be ansered... every problem needs an answer and I'm not sure who will but I guess I will be the first... if they have been threatening for years then its 50/50 chance they actually will, but DO NOT underessimate them.

Talk to both your mom and dad, and let them know that divorcing is not healthy for you kids, whenever my parents almost divorced a few times before they really didn't after they sat down and talked about how us kids needed both a mom and a dad at the time because we were both young. So maybe talk them into seeing a marriage counselor. Are your parents good people? Do they care for you kdis very much? If so let them know that is not right for one or the other to step out of their kids life at such a young age. But let this be a lesson to you or to anybody out there my mother says this to me ALL the time to me... "Be careful who you pick to be your marriage partner, because thats it. I dont believe in divorce becuase it says 'till death do you part' and i believe once you pick, thats it. So pick wisely." but just sit them down one at a time and talk to them, then maybe all together.

anthony_moore09 · Jun 10, 2009, 03:24 PM

I am a father that went through divorce and it was scary for me and my children but believe it or not it was for the best and my children are a lot better now time truly does heal the pain and a lot of times parents get along better for the children when there not together.hope that helps!

fahhuhhteaa · Jun 10, 2009, 03:29 PM

I know how you feel.
My parents argue & always have their little divorce threats.
I have two younger siblings.. & they don't know what divorce means.
My parents never get along.
I don't even get along with my parents.
They're just so.. I don't know mean.
They say things, I would never imagine a parent saying something like what they say to me.
But sometimes, they weren't meant to be,
And yes divorce sittuations are like nightmares!
But sometimes you can't do anything about it..
& know it isn't your fault or either one of your brothers faults!

Fr_Chuck · Jun 10, 2009, 04:19 PM

First it is not your frault and no you can't do a single thing to stop it or cause it to happen.

You are not a player in it. It is about communication and about issues that your parents have with each other.

And you and your brothers will be fine, if they divorce you will live with one or the other, after that you visit the other.

N0help4u · Jun 10, 2009, 06:52 PM

It's not your fault. Many people get married and THEN realize they do not get along.

Sometimes divorce is actually the best thing for the kids because often when they grow up they copy how their parents relationship was no matter how dysfunctional it was.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 10, 2009, 07:00 PM

I will agree sometimes the worst thing parents do is stay together just for the "kids"

As long as both mom and dad, stay being mom and dad and do their best to be a great parent. And as long as they don't use the kids as weapons against each other. A divorce while not the best thing can still be better than a poor home with parents who are not working together.

notluckygirl · Jun 12, 2009, 08:43 AM

I totally understand what you feel , it's hard to see your parens want to get a divorce it's not easy you'll blame yourself but it's not you always you have to find why they want to divorce because if they did you and your brothers are going to be the victim of this divorce so I think you should find the big WHY...

And I don't think so it's you and you sad that you have little five brothers that won't understand what is happening because they're young I gess so that your sitution is hard than what you thougth you have to find a way out

I'm saurry if I couldn't help you

88sunflower · Jun 12, 2009, 08:49 AM

I have only 2 things to say on this.

1. Your mother never ever should have voiced this to you. Its not for you to stress over until the time actually comes. Now look what she has done. This is between your mom and dad and she should have kept it between them.

2. Its not your fault!

Jake2008 · Jun 30, 2009, 01:40 AM

I feel very sorry that you are going through this. No kid needs to feel that they have some control or influence over their adult parents' decision to divorce. It is a terrible burden to have to have on your shoulders. You sound hurt and confused, and that is not a fair place for your mother to put you in.

Chuck and the others are right, and I agree, that you cannot be in the middle of your parents decisions whether to stay together or not. Nothing you can do, nothing, will alter the course they choose.

I urge you to speak to your school guidance counsellor. You are not the first person to be in this position, and you won't be the last. Speaking to someone outside your family will help give you a better perspective on things, and help you understand and cope better with their actions.

In the meantime, what will be will be. Worrying yourself sick will not help you, or them. You cannot predict or change the outcome of what the future will bring. That is only up to them.

However it turns out, you will be cared for, and you won't lose your relationship with either parent, nor will your brothers. It may very well turn out that if your parents are happier apart, then your relationship with each of them will be better.

All the best to you.