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number1dee · Jun 11, 2009, 12:50 AM

My fiancé is 29, and went to the doctor and found out he had very low levels of testosterone. The doctor prescribed 5 mg androderm patches, and he had to go down to the 2.5 mg because he was having bad reactions to the 5 mg. No bad reactions with the 2.5, but he's been on it for about a month now and still nothing. He falls asleep as soon as he gets home from work (5:30pm), and he has no energy, and I still haven't been able to have sex with him... and we haven't had it for 3 months. He has NO desire what so all to even kiss me affectionately. And there have been times when he woke up and he had an erection and wouldn't let me touch him. I'm getting frustrated and need advice. I don't even need the sex, I just want him to kiss me once in a while. And I don't know if this is being selfish or not, but he won't even try to touch me just to make myself come. I feel like if I was in his situation, I would feel bad for him and I would still touch him even though I had no sexual desire. PLEASE HELP.

tickle · Jun 11, 2009, 04:50 AM

Numberl, your situation doesn't sound good, it actually appears that he doesn't desire you at all. The only underlying reason I can think of is that he has lost interest or could be he has another lover. Have you considered that possibility.

Tick

Synnen · Jun 11, 2009, 06:04 AM

Originally Posted by tickle

numberl, your situation doesnt sound good, it actually appears that he doesnt desire you at all. The only underlying reason I can think of is that he has lost interest or could be he has another lover. Have you considered that possibility.

tick

Of course he doesn't desire her at all. The hormone in charge of "desiring" someone is testosterone, and if he's testing at levels low enough to need androderm, he probably has ZERO sex drive.

You need to talk to him about this. Emotional needs need to be met even if sexual needs are not. He needs to realize that by NOT touching you at all, he's sending the message that you aren't wanted in his life---and no matter what he says, I'm betting that IS how you feel.

There needs to be a great big long conversation in your house about touching and kissing and showing of love.

bronzebabe · Jun 11, 2009, 08:58 AM

His testosterone level is SO low, he has no desire for anyone. IF the hormone level goes up, his desire will come back, however, till then, speak to him about how you feel and hope he understands. DO NOT get married. Wait to see if this clears up, and he starts wanting sex at all.

number1dee · Jun 11, 2009, 03:46 PM

Originally Posted by tickle

numberl, your situation doesnt sound good, it actually appears that he doesnt desire you at all. The only underlying reason I can think of is that he has lost interest or could be he has another lover. Have you considered that possibility.

tick

Oh god no... lol that's not even a possibility. As soon as he's done work he comes home, and he wants to cuddle all the time still, and he's always telling me he loves me and such and trying to make me laugh and all. Even if he wanted to cheat... if he's not @ work, he's home - so it's not even a possibility.

I just think he may not be attracted to me anymore but he still 'loves me' but he's just not 'in love' with me.

Gemini54 · Jun 12, 2009, 12:49 AM

I wouldn't panic too much too soon. Changes in the levels of hormones can have an alarming effect on mood, motivation and particularly libido. And I speak from personal experience!

Firstly, he probably associates kissing with sex, which is why he's not kissing you. It sounds as if he's still capable of affection and cuddles, and it sounds as if he still cares about you. That's good.

You do need to talk to each other because it is possible for him to satisfy some of your needs without being overtly sexual. For example he can gently kiss and stroke you while you masturbate. Or alternatively, he can masturbate you with a vibrator.

Relationships are about communication and without being pushy, you can let him know that you want to be close in a sexual way, but there is no pressure on him to perform. It would also be good to find out why he doesn't want to have sex when he does have an erection.

It will take some time, I imagine for his testosterone levels to increase - it could take at least three to six months for the hormone to have an effect. But he should ask his doctor what to expect.

Anyway, talk to him. Try and do it at a time when he's relaxed and not feeling defensive. If you can work this out, then it will make your relationship a lot stronger.

number1dee · Jun 12, 2009, 12:56 AM

Originally Posted by Gemini54

I wouldn't panic too much too soon. Changes in the levels of hormones can have an alarming effect on mood, motivation and particularly libido. And I speak from personal experience!

Firstly, he probably associates kissing with sex, which is why he's not kissing you. It sounds as if he's still capable of affection and cuddles, and it sounds as if he still cares about you. That's good.

You do need to talk to each other because it is possible for him to satisfy some of your needs without being overtly sexual. For example he can gently kiss and stroke you while you masturbate. Or alternatively, he can masturbate you with a vibrator.

Relationships are about communication and without being pushy, you can let him know that you want to be close in a sexual way, but there is no pressure on him to perform. It would also be good to find out why he doesn't want to have sex when he does have an erection.

It will take some time, I imagine for his testosterone levels to increase - it could take at least three to six months for the hormone to have an effect. But he should ask his doctor what to expect.

Anyway, talk to him. Try and do it at a time when he's relaxed and not feeling defensive. If you can work this out, then it will make your relationship a lot stronger.

See that's the part that sucks - anytime I TRY to talk to him about it, he's too tired. He's always exhausted and gets fed up when I bring up sex because he thinks I want it too much.

Gemini54 · Jun 12, 2009, 01:03 AM

Originally Posted by number1dee

See that's the part that sucks - anytime I TRY to talk to him about it, he's too tired. He's always exhausted and gets fed up when I bring up sex because he thinks I want it too much.

Well, why don't you go out for the day - a drive or something and talk in the car. Or, talk to him in the morning when he's fresh from sleep. Try and be playful about it rather than too serious.

He's getting fed up because he feels defensive. Let him know that you don't want sex TOO much, you just want to connect with him at a sexual level sometimes because you love him.

Relationships are about give and take. He can't ignore what's happening and think that it's not having an effect on you. But, on the other hand you have to respect his current lack of desire as well.