[captain1105]

My ex and I split up 4 years ago... I have never been able to stop loving him. We started dating when I was 20 he was 24. We had broke up and gotten back together 5 times within a 2 year span. The last time he broke things off he told me that he was not in love with me and had to break things off for good. I vowed to really move on... A month later I started my second relationship with someone who really loves me... But I STILL find myself thinking about my ex, getting butterflies in my stomach when I know I get to see him... etc... My ex has told me multiple times that he had made a mistake, he has learned and changed within the past few years, and thinks that I am the one he is ready to marry... (obviously we are still friends and keep in touch). I am not sure whether ditch my current boyfriend for my first love? My question is.. Is it better to be in love and take a chance of getting hurt? Or to stay in a complacent relationship with someone I love, but am not in love with... to avoid being hurt again!

[kctiger]

When it comes to love, and companionship, and marriage, and life in general... never settle for sake of settling... do what makes you happy.

Use that as you may... :cool:

I will say this... do you think you would feel differently about your current boyfriend if you didn't still talk to your ex? Grass ain't always greener... and I think it is pretty unfair to your current mate to half a$$ a relationship while you are still carrying baggage from your past.

[xadmin]

Wait there for a moment. Seriously, don't dump your current BF for your EX. You guys were EX for a reason.

[BrentNumber1]

5 breakups in 2 years is a lot! What makes you think things will be different this time?

Maybe you have great chemistry but are you two really that compatible long-term? You haven't even been able to make it a few months without breaking up and he's talking about marriage?!

You owe it to your current boyfriend to be honest about your "love but not in love" feelings but I think you need to really take the blinders off with regard to the ex before jumping into his arms for another go.

[jmjoseph]

This reminds me of the guy who puts sour milk back in the refrigerator saying mmm... maybe it'll be better next week. Some people and things change for the better, but sometimes they change for the WORSE. Beware. This guy said he didn't love you any more, and the one you're with does. Sounds to me like guy #1 is lonely. Shake him out of your head. Matters of the heart are tough, I recommend making a list of the bad things that made you two break up so many times and remember THAT. Good luck and GOD bless.

[I wish]

Unless you can fix the 5 reasons you broke up 5 times, I don't see how it would work. Seems more like you will have a 6th breakup.

As for your current boyfriend, he's definitely being treated unfairly. While he's in love with you, you're thinking about another guy. This is called "emotional cheating."

It's time to make a decision. If you think that you can fix things with your ex, then go back to him and leave your current boyfriend, no more leading him on.

If you don't see a future with your ex, then cut him out of your life, because it's definitely unfair to your current boyfriend and you will never be able to commit to him fully as long as you continue to have false hope with your ex.

If you need, ask your current boyfriend for a break, so that you can be alone when sorting out your feelings.

If you want to push him out of your life, then pretend he doesn't exist. Never contact him ever again. If he tries to contact you, ignore all his attemps.

As difficult as it sounds, you will never get over him if you keep talking to your ex.

[none12345]

My ex (first love) broke up with me, tore me into a million pieces, no way in hell am I going to get back with her. I am not going through the hell again.

It is really up to you. My advice would be, do what your heart tells you. Also, take into consideration that you guys broke up so many times, something isn't right there.

To answer your question. I would not take a chance at love and risk getting hurt with a person I've already been with before. I would want a guarantee that I will not get hurt before getting involved again.

[talaniman]

Half a$$ing a relationship is absolutely unfair, whether you gets back with the ex, or not.

Give the rebound guy, whom you don't love, his freedom to find his own happiness. Your cheating him, lying, and leading him on.

Jumping from one guy to another while still hoping the ex changes, is insanity on your part, and while I understand your fear of being hurt, your still hurting the guy that you have now.

That's shameful, and selfish, and so needy of you. Get your own act together, you can do better than this.

[Ash123]

GUY YOUR DATING: You don't love him so you have to do the tough thing and the right thing and stop dating.

GUY YOU WERE DATING: Something was just wrong, but when people are apart all we remember are the good times - especially if the other broke it off. But remember: It didn't work.

Be glad you are still friends but time to slowly look for someone you have a better chance with - then take a risk. Most relationships end - so a few more may fail but you will be getting closer if you learn each time.

A

[ajGambino]

Maybe you should be alone and find happiness from somewhere inside yourself instead of looking for it through some other person.

Break up with your boyfriend because you are not treating him fairly. Give your ex the NC he deserves. Only then, can you make an important decision about your happiness.

[captain1105]

All are of your advice is awesome and really helpful. The only is... I do love my current boyfriend and the reason I haven't left him for 3 years is because I don't want to ruin what we have... I need to get past the baggage... and move on... I have tried to push my ex out of my life since we broke things off but its insanely hard... The pressure to make this decision has gotten harder because my current boyfriend is talking of buying a ring soon... My ex is a scum bag, I just wish it wasn't this hard to push someone out of my life? Creating a list of all the bad times and hurt is a great idea... but I have weighed the options for 3 years! Loving someone who has hurt you in the past sounds ridiculous... Before him I was independent... Now I am stuck..

[jmooney527]

1. You should'nt be talking to your ex still. It's been this many years and your feelings will never go away unless you do NC.
2. Does your current boyfriend know about you seeing/talking to your ex still? It seems incredibly unfair to this guy what you're doing to him whether he knows about your ex situation or not.

The best way to get rid of feelings for an ex, especially since he is a "scumbag" is to stop talking to him. Period.

[talaniman]

Harshness Warning

When you can't make a simple decision to stop going behind the guys back, and just focus on him, you really don't love either of them, not even yourself, and need to be alone. Sorry to be harsh, you really need to slap yourself for being such a deceitful ditz, and tell your ex to bug off, and tell the other guy to save his money because you aren't healthy enough to be a good faithful partner for him. At least THAT WOULD BE THE TRUTH.

Your relationship is a lie you keep telling yourself. Does your boyfriend really deserve that? I don't think so!

[makapuu]

I think you should tell your current boyfriend that you are still in love with your ex.

[captain1105]

OK. I have gotten some clarity. I will confront my boyfriend of my uncertanties in all fairness to him. Stop communicating with my ex... Even though it will be hard... and stop depending on this concerning my happiness. I need to work on myself instead of jumping from guy to guy. Plus, I know that it is not fair to my BF. He deserves the truth at least.

[makapuu]

That's great! I hope you have friends that can support you during this time. I have found that sharing my "Ah Ha" moments with my friends usually helps keep me on track when I start getting weak in matters of the heart.