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uk77 · Jun 11, 2009, 06:41 AM

Hi! My fiancée broke the engagement via a text message 2 days after a row. The row was nasty. I was/am devastated. He tried to ring me several times, getting angry that I would not resolve our issues, take a step back and not get married. We have had continuous arguments( mainly because I felt rejected and added to the fire). He broke up with me then wanted to possibly get together and then decided that he needed to take a couple of weeks to heal and make his decision. This went on in a space of two weeks. I feel like we have broken up. Through out this time, he has that he was happy then he is not. That this is the most loving relationship he has ever had, the not (he too can have a cruel tongue when upset) He admits texting was wrong but no real true ownership of it or compassion for me in this situation. I have felt very pushed to move on and try and resolve so soon after the broken engagement.

I feel confused, upset angry and that I have lost someone I love. Any advice or help to shed some light would be appreciated.

I wish · Jun 11, 2009, 06:52 AM

Both of you are also exttremely confused about your feelings towards one another.

Leave each other alone and give yourself time to sort out your feelings for one another. IF (and a HUGE "IF" at that) after a certain period you STILL feel the same way, then you'll have to sort out your problems together, one by one, before you can even think about marriage again.

kctiger · Jun 11, 2009, 07:13 AM

If this is how you two handle your problems, then it is clear a marriage will not work out. Married couples don't get the convenience of taking a "break" while they sort out their feelings... this is life, deal with it, handle it, and do it together!

Clearly things aren't as they should be, you see that now, so be thankful the picture is clearer.

uk77 · Jun 11, 2009, 07:46 AM

Believe me I wanted for this to work, but it was his decision to take a break. Maybe I should have not reacted to the break of engagement, but is it really wrong to do so?

liz28 · Jun 11, 2009, 08:35 AM

No, I don't think your reaction was wrong. He took the coward way out by breaking the engagement through a text message. He couldn't even be man enough to talk to tell you to your face.

Right now marriage shouldn't be on your mind and only he knows the reasons behind his actions.

You need to work on getting through and over this and not sitting around waiting for him.

susangpyp · Jun 11, 2009, 08:38 AM

Although this hurts it seems like you two have a lot to learn about relationships. Trying to cobble a marriage together and possibly having children is not the place to learn it.

It sounds like you should make the most of this breakup and spend time alone, learn about yourself and what issues you brought to the relationship and what you can do about it and work on bettering yourself and your understanding of relationships to attract better people in the future. Your ex fiancé sounds like a bit of a child. You probably dodged a bullet here.

uk77 · Jun 11, 2009, 12:30 PM

Ha ha ha! I like your humour Liz 28. Thanks for the last two posts. Just the type of positive direction I needed really... and to laugh!

uk77 · Jun 11, 2009, 12:32 PM

Great links susanpyp, thanks!

talaniman · Jun 12, 2009, 09:26 AM

If this is a preview of marriage with this fellow, your better off without each other.

If you can't discuss your issues and resolve them now, marriage is out of the question.

Send him a text thanking him for your freedom, and chance at true happiness, and disappear from his life. Neither of you is ready for the other.

Gemini54 · Jun 13, 2009, 12:33 AM

He admits texting was wrong but no real true ownership of it or compassion for me in this situation.

I think that says it all really. How would he deal with issues once you were married?

It does sound though as if you were wanting different things and he was having second thoughts about getting married. It may even be that he created the argument so that he could create the break.

I understand that you feel hurt and upset, this is natural if you loved him. But love isn't everything, as you've just found. Love is also respect, communication and compromise.

Without the last three no love can survive.

Trust your intuition on this one, it will hurt, but it's time to move on.

uk77 · Jun 13, 2009, 06:06 AM

Really sound advice Gemini! I would not usually use one of these chat boards, but I have to say it has been really handy!

Really sound advice by all

Jake2008 · Jun 13, 2009, 06:25 AM

I agree with the others.

Sometimes though, people say and do the worst possible things to hurt another when they are hurt themselves.

If you had been married, he may have stormed out saying he wanted a divorce.

Best advice here, keep your guard up, allow yourself some space to think about things. While he is doing the same, hopefully you'll both end up with the same conclusion.

If you do decide to try again, tread cautiously, and think about couples counselling before you go ahead with a marriage.