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Tabraiz · Jun 9, 2009, 08:47 AM

I have a friend. I've known her for almost seven months now. Over the time we've gotten so close. I like her so so much. She's really sweet. We've become very good friends now. I started to realize I might be having feelings for her, but she doesn't. I'm a muslim and she's a hindu brahmin. She will get married very soon and I know that. I try to get rid of all my feelings for her. But it gets tough when I have to go to work and see her everyday. I love spending time with her. I just want to get over her, I don't want to feel this way. I feel kind of guilty having such a crush on my friend when she has no idea what's going on in my head. If I tell her how I feel, I will probably lose something really precious in my life. What do I do?

Romefalls19 · Jun 9, 2009, 08:57 AM

You have three choices

1. Tell her how you feel and put it all on the table
2. Hold it inside and stay in agony
3. Cut off complete contact with her

I'd go with one, but I'm not familiar with your religions. If that isn't able to be done. Go with 3 until you can sort of your emotions

talaniman · Jun 9, 2009, 09:19 AM

Are you dating or what? Define for me the friendship?

I strongly suggest you back away from this friendship, so you don't get carried away by your intense feelings of attractions.

By backing away, I mean balancing the time you spend with other things you enjoy without her. A workplace friendship is one thing. To want more from it is another. That may NOT be a realistic expectation on your part.

How old are you both?

Gemini54 · Jun 9, 2009, 07:43 PM

If she's getting married then she's of bounds.

Added to that in your culture a Hindu/Muslim marriage can be very problematic, as you well know.

Don't tell her how you feel. It's your 'stuff' and you will only upset her. Put away any drams of a romantic liaison. Be realistic - she's taken and she's a different religion.

Enjoy her friendship while you can and keep your feelings to yourself. Why ruin things?

I wish · Jun 9, 2009, 08:27 PM

Don't worry so much about losing a friendship. You need to back off and stop talking to her until you stop having feelings for her. Once you stop having feelings for her, you can try to be friends again. If you keep talking to her, you will just continue to feel the pain.

Tabraiz · Jun 9, 2009, 09:28 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Are you dating or what?? Define for me the friendship??

I strongly suggest you back away from this friendship, so you don't get carried away by your intense feelings of attractions.

By backing away, I mean balancing the time you spend with other things you enjoy without her. A workplace friendship is one thing. To want more from it is another. That may NOT be a realistic expectation on your part.

How old are you both?

She's made it clear we're only friends.
I guess the problem is with me. I just need to know if I'm doing a mistake here.

Im 23 and she's 22.

talaniman · Jun 10, 2009, 05:06 AM

Originally Posted by Tabraiz

She's made it clear we're only friends.
I guess the problem is with me. I just need to know if i'm doing a mistake here.

Im 23 and she's 22.

It would be a big mistake to share those feelings with someone who has made it clear to you that your friends only. I know you think her knowing how you feel will change her mind. It won't but it will push her away. But knowing how you feel, back away, and give yourself some time, and space to cope with those feelings, and get beyond them.

Tabraiz · Jun 10, 2009, 05:51 AM

Thanks a lot talaniman.

Tabraiz · Jun 10, 2009, 05:54 AM

Threads merged

Whenever my close friend(it's a SHE) tells me some guy looks good, I feel very uneasy. Is it just me or does it happen all the time with anyone of you?

ZoeMarie · Jun 10, 2009, 05:58 AM

So then are you a he? Do you like her for more than a friend?

Romefalls19 · Jun 10, 2009, 05:58 AM

That's jealousy, maybe you have feelings for her?

I don't get upset when my friends(girls) say another guy is attractive. Now if my fiancé did, maybe a different story

ZoeMarie · Jun 10, 2009, 06:02 AM

Does it make you feel uneasy because she's getting married and she's looking at other guys?

Tabraiz · Jun 10, 2009, 06:05 AM

Does it make you feel uneasy because she's getting married and she's looking at other guys?

Yeah exactly

ZoeMarie · Jun 10, 2009, 06:15 AM

Is this an arranged marriage?

Tabraiz · Jun 10, 2009, 06:21 AM

Oh yeah... an arranged marriage...
She's Indian.. well I'm too...
That's the normal practice here

ZoeMarie · Jun 10, 2009, 06:24 AM

That's what I thought. It doesn't sound like you can really try to persuade her in any way. It's probably best if like Tal said on the other thread that you back away.

Tabraiz · Jun 10, 2009, 06:26 AM

W:confused:hat do I do about this jealousy thing..

ZoeMarie · Jun 10, 2009, 06:42 AM

You have to work on getting over her so that you aren't jealous. I think if you distance yourself from her it will slowly go away.

Tabraiz · Jun 10, 2009, 06:52 AM

Hmmm yeah okie.

Just a funny thought. She's gone for a ten-day long tour with her family now.
Sometimes she playfully 'google's my name. I'm just thinking what she would do if she does it again and finds this forum and posts :rolleyes:

Tabraiz · Jun 11, 2009, 12:13 AM

Threads merged

She's gone on a tour with her family.
She calls me everyday even though we're 4000 miles apart.
Does this mean she misses me? A lot? :D

I miss her too :(