[Justwantfair]

I am not trying to say that he isn't a little out of line, but you will have to trust her, even if she is naïve, that doesn't make her a cheater.

I was just saying that I think it is complicated by the fact that you other situation right now makes it harder to trust her because you are feeling insecure about that issue... are you reading between the lines with me?

[Romefalls19]

Oh I get what you're saying. We have talked through that issue, and I found what the problem was. She was more worried about her last relationship ending and what her mom told her about "I'm not coming to another wedding when all you do is fail" so I could get why she was upset.

I'm not suggesting she's a cheater, and I trust that she won't allow him to over step into really close boundaries. I just don't like the whole idea of him always being around.

Maybe I'll bring it up casually to her, and try to see how she feels about it. She may feel the same way but doesn't want to say anything because he's my family. I think the big thing here is communication

[Justwantfair]

I love it when you can answer your own questions. :D

[88sunflower]

Maybe your fiancé sees it at total innocence being family. Maybe she truly is blind to it. I would kind of find that hard to totally believe, but maybe. I was also thinking he might be making her uncomfortable and she doesn't know how to tell him. I think for sure he is stepping over the line and he needs to know it. Confront him and tell him before you stew on it longer and really blow. If he is so cocky and cool then tell him to use in on someone else not your girl.

[HistorianChick]

Sounds like your cousin knows exactly the right buttons to push. Isn't that SO like family! :)

Talk to your fiancé. Tell her your issues with this guy. Then leave it up to her. You trust her (after all that you've been through on AMHD, heck, WE trust her!), she will do the right thing.

It will help her if she knows where you're coming from. Tell her the whole story... she'll do right by you.

Then, together, be the united front to your cousin - even talk to him (read him the rules) with her present, so that he KNOWS that she knows you aren't playing games.

This is your family. Your future. Don't let this jealous cousin take any bit of your happiness.

Best of luck.

[Romefalls19]

That's exactly what I'll do. I will explain to her what has me bother about him and let her decide how to proceed on her end. I am going to confront my cousin because he has been told about this before(gotten in fist fights having his back) and he doesn't know when to stop so I'm going to give him one last talk about it, then if no progress he's going to have to be shown with force

[slapshot_oi]

You're cousin knows what he's doing and he knows it's over-the-line, there's no question about that. As for her, I've never met a female who didn't like attention. So it's clear that if this is going to end it's up to you to make the move.

It's coming to a point where if I see him, I might punch him in the mouth because I feel he is crossing limits.

You'd know better than any of us whether he deserves that, but he don't sound innocent so I tend to agree with you on this one.

This isn't an insecurity, anyone would be irritated with your cousin acting this way.

[talaniman]

Am I wrong to request my fiancé to keep a little bit of distance between him and her? Or do I continue to let it go and fester inside of me?

I let my wife handle it her way, and not give him a second thought, other than to ask her "is that jerk bothering you?" casually.

That conveys your feelings about him to her, without putting demands on her, to maybe feel your distrustful of the way she does things, or she is inadequate, or not capable of dealing with the situation.

My motives for you are that your both young, and learning each other, and you must allow her space to learn, and grow, through your own patience, and confidence in her.

The real issue is how you deal with the discomfort, and when it comes to others outside the relationship, her feelings come first.

Have faith she will do the right thing for you both, and don't make it a big deal.

Having said that, the conversation between you, and your cousin, is between you two. But factor in the fact that they work together, so think before you act.

Believe me I know how family interactions, can be quite frustrating, and will tend to stretch your patience farther than you would like.

Its not what you do, its the way you do it.

[Romefalls19]

Luckily she told me that he is leaving the job after this month, so that will ease up my feelings. Tal is right, I have to trust that she will handle things the right way. She isn't the type to hurt anyone, especially someone she is in love with. I'm going to let it go, as I know that she will make sure she keeps the boundary line tight. After all, she comes home to me every night anyway.

I feel a lot better after getting this out, maybe keeping it inside only made things worse. Venting really helped, thanks for listening guys.

And Tal, thank you. Your opinion means the world to me, your marriage has been working for a very long time. I was waiting for you to post on this issue, so thank you again

Along with everyone else, you are all very good friends and I appreciate the advice!

[talaniman]

but when a guy calls your fiancé a MILF, naturally it's going to raise a little concern

How old is he??

[Romefalls19]

He just turned 22, a little childish to refer to a woman as this don't you think

[talaniman]

You made me think back a long ways, and I think your right, but I have to remind myself that your way beyond your age by your actions, he is not. He is just a young 22 year old kid, trying to figure himself out. He has issues he needs to grow out of.

Just like I did, way back in the day. If I had not had some patient guidance back then, I would have run my head through a lot more brick walls than I did.

[Romefalls19]

Thank you Tal, I have decided that my fiancé is more than able to handle herself in these situations. I am going to enjoy my life with her, rather than let every little arsehole bother me.