[mred]

Hi, Im a 29 year old physician currently working a well-paying job. Everything seems to be going along fine but my Mum has always been interfering with my financial independence. She keeps track of my salary and knows how much is left in my ATM. Even though she spends the money on family expenses (food, dad's medication, my brother's tuition fee), I believe that I am entitled to my own financial independence and where I want to spend my money is mostly my business. Its been that way ever since, she took my first ever salary and would take more than 80% of the money I got in succeeding jobs. Now Im starting to retaliate and would really show her I don't like that she's getting my hard-earned money. It's as if she wants me to pay a debt I never owed. Although I owe her the fact that she put me through years of schooling, I believe that I have also been a good student through those years studying free on scholarships and still end up giving Mum all the money awards I've received from academic achievements. Please help me how I can make her feel that what she's doing is not right without hurting her. Thanks!

[juvjus]

Close your bank account and open an new one so that she has no access to your money. Do you live with her?

[carolsjustme]

Have you ever considered moving out? I know you don't want to feel as if you are abandoning your Mum, but you have to take a stand at some point. You can always help with your families expenses from a distance.. If it is not your tradition to "leave the nest" before, say marriage you can sit your Mum down and kindly explain to her you would like to handle your own finances for future experience, with coming to an agreement on what she will receive in support from you monthly. Hope this is helpful.

[hheath541]

In a situation like that your feelings are more important than hers. You need to show her that you are willing and able to take financial responsibility for yourself. You're 29 years old, she needs to stop treating you like a child. If you're expecting her to come to the conclusion that you're old enough to handle your own money on her own, I'm afraid it's never going to happen. You have to force her into it, otherwise she's just going to keep controlling you through your money.

Opening a bank account at a different bank is a good idea. If you don't already, and it's possible, start having your checks deposited directly into your bank account so she doesn't see them. You should also keep all bank statements and receipts in a safe place where she can't get to them. Try investing in a lockbox or small safe. If you still live with her, which is what it sounds like, seriously think about moving out. Transferring any money you can into a savings account she doesn't know exists wouldn't be a bad idea, either.

[Ren6]

Open a new account and move out.