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    paigerwaiger94's Avatar
    paigerwaiger94 Posts: 87, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
    		  
    #1

    May 31, 2009, 03:53 PM
    I got flowers today.
    What do you think of my poem? Please, I need help on whether its good enough to send into a competition.


    I got flowers today.

    I got flowers today.
    It wasn't my birthday, or any other special day.
    Last night, we had our first fight.
    He yelled at me, and said some cruel things,
    But I know he must be sorry,
    Because he sent me flowers today.
    I got flowers today.
    It wasn't our annaversary, or any other special day.
    Last night, he hit me.
    But I know he must be sorry,
    Because he sent me flowers today.
    I got flowers today.
    It wasn't mothers day, or any other special day.
    Last night, he beat me again.
    It was much worse than anytime before.
    He shoved me into a wall, and choked me.
    I can't leave him.
    What about the kids?
    What about money?
    I got flowers today.
    Today WAS a special day.
    Today was the day of my funeral.
    Last night, he finally beat me to death.
    If only I had had the strength to leave him,
    I would not have gotten flowers today.
    -paige.


    Im only fifteen. Please don't be harsh. I watched this happen with my mother. She was my inspiration.
    paigerwaiger94's Avatar
    paigerwaiger94 Posts: 87, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
    		  
    #2

    Jun 4, 2009, 11:23 AM

    You guys please. If you've read my poem, please tell me what you think. I need some help here:)
    leavethdoorajar's Avatar
    leavethdoorajar Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jun 4, 2009, 11:41 AM

    That's a chilling poem... maybe you could make them into stanzas each starting with "i got flowers today"
    Other than that there are just a few spelling errors, but I definitely think you should enter the competition. Even if you don't win its still a learning expirience so that the next one can be even more mind-blowing than this
    paigerwaiger94's Avatar
    paigerwaiger94 Posts: 87, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
    		  
    #4

    Jun 4, 2009, 11:48 AM

    Thank you for the suggestions
    ZoeMarie's Avatar
    ZoeMarie Posts: 2,049, Reputation: 468
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    #5

    Jun 4, 2009, 12:18 PM

    I had a poem that I wrote about my mom after she died. It was a bit chilling too. It ended up being published. As stated earlier, polish it up a bit. I think writing helps after you go through things like that. Good luck
    paigerwaiger94's Avatar
    paigerwaiger94 Posts: 87, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
    		  
    #6

    Jun 5, 2009, 11:56 AM
    Thank you very much.
    Sir Guengerich's Avatar
    Sir Guengerich Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #7

    Jun 7, 2009, 10:10 AM

    In summary... it has great meaning. I would suggest it be posted on women shelters to give them the will to leave their beaters. Like you, I write from experience and have only one goal. When you write from the heart you can never be wrong. I have wrote many
    Poems and suddenly lost my inspiration. Some have said I was gifted because I could write a great poetry in minutes. It's not the time it takes... but the quality of one's work. My goal was to always make the reader identify with what I wrote on a personal level. Make them feel the passion in your writings.
    paigerwaiger94's Avatar
    paigerwaiger94 Posts: 87, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
    		  
    #8

    Jul 27, 2009, 02:48 PM

    I now have an updated version. Please look at it.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
    Uber Member
    		  
    #9

    Jul 27, 2009, 02:52 PM
    I'm very sorry for what happened to your mother. You've found a very creative outlet with which to express yourself and that's a good thing. Perhaps lots of women will learn from your poem ; lord knows lots of them need to! Good luck with your competition.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
    		  
    #10

    Jul 27, 2009, 03:18 PM

    I love it! It sent chills down my spine.

    I don't know a lot about poetry, but I know what I like and I like this a lot.

    Bravo.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
    Expert
    		  
    #11

    Jul 27, 2009, 03:38 PM
    I too love it!! And, you will get flowers if you remain with the guy you are with. And he is only 13?

    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ay-380156.html
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
    		  
    #12

    Jul 27, 2009, 03:44 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by J_9 View Post
    I too love it!!! And, you will get flowers if you remain with the guy you are with. And he is only 13?

    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ay-380156.html
    OMG! J, I posted this link on that link so she'd realize that's where she's heading.

    I'm afraid now.
    imabratt's Avatar
    imabratt Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #13

    Nov 6, 2009, 03:55 AM

    Wow paige, this poem is great! Sounds like the poem that Paulette Kelly has a copyright on from back in 1992! I think if you do a search on Google you will see it.. you might get in trouble if you submit someone else's work.. you might get in trouble..
    imabratt's Avatar
    imabratt Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #14

    Nov 6, 2009, 03:56 AM
    Wow paige, this poem is great! Sounds like the poem that Paulette Kelly has a copyright on from back in 1992! I think if you do a search on Google you will see it.. you might get in trouble if you submit someone else's work.. you might get in trouble..
    paigerwaiger94's Avatar
    paigerwaiger94 Posts: 87, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
    		  
    #15

    Nov 7, 2009, 05:50 PM

    Its no one else's work. But thank you for your concern:)
    imabratt's Avatar
    imabratt Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #16

    Nov 7, 2009, 06:43 PM

    I Got Flowers
    I Got Flowers Today - Domestic Violence Poem - 9 1/2 Couples: Life Love Intimacy - The Novel
    my lifetime stories: I Got Flowers Today - by Paulette Kelly
    I Got Flowers Today
    VICTIMIZE ME NO MORE: I GOT FLOWERS TODAY by Paulette Kelly | Facebook
    I got flowers today.

    Ok just checking.. if you are 15 I don't think you were born in 1992 when it says it was copyrighted by Paulette..
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
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    #17

    Nov 9, 2009, 02:37 AM
    Poem is much too similar to copyrighted work.

    Thread is now CLOSED.
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