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    griffers90's Avatar
    griffers90 Posts: 57, Reputation: 12
    Junior Member
    		  
    #1

    Jun 4, 2009, 10:36 AM
    Why doesn't he want sex when I initiate?
    My boyfriend and I have been together 10 months and although we've not been together very long we have gotten serious quickly and he has made it clear that he wants to marry me. I'm 19 and so is he and we've enjoyed a very healthy sex life which has (understandably) cooled off with time. We still make love on a regular basis and he does fulfill me but his attention is always focused on me if I try and reciprocate he tells me to relax and enjoy myself. On a number of occasions I've tried to initiate sex and dominate (as in the past he said that's what he wanted) but every time I try something isn't right for him and we just end up sleeping facing away from each other. It's really blown my confidence as when we met he was a virgin and I was more experienced yet he seems to be far better than I am. I know he loves me deeply as I do him but I need to get my confidence back without knocking his. Why doesn't he let me initiate for once?
    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
    Ultra Member
    		  
    #2

    Jun 4, 2009, 10:39 AM

    Everyone likes different things and it seems that he's just not comfortable with a woman being in control. Some men are turned on by the idea, some are not.

    Some men get off on pleasuring their women. He may just be wired that way.

    Have you talked to him about your insecurities? You definitely need to be able to talk about these things if you're planning to be married.
    griffers90's Avatar
    griffers90 Posts: 57, Reputation: 12
    Junior Member
    		  
    #3

    Jun 4, 2009, 10:45 AM

    I've talked to him about it before he tried to be OK with it and just answer me but I definitely noticed his mood drop. I have had partners in the past who did only like to give and understand that but he openly told me that his sexual fantasy was for me to initiate and dominate during sex. Yet any time I try he gets out of it. I want to talk to him about it today but he has just moved to my hometown with me from uni and is unsettled enough as it so I don't want to upset him or make him fell he doesn't fulfill me.
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
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    #4

    Jun 4, 2009, 10:50 AM

    If you can't TALK about sex with your partner, you shouldn't be HAVING sex with that person.

    Use "I" statements, and talk to him about it. Tell him how YOU feel, without pointing fingers at him. Let him know that you need him to be completely honest with you, as you will be with him, otherwise your sexual relationship just isn't going to work.
    griffers90's Avatar
    griffers90 Posts: 57, Reputation: 12
    Junior Member
    		  
    #5

    Jun 4, 2009, 10:55 AM

    Yeah it's not that we don't talk though that's not the problem we do talk and are very honest with each other. I just want to try and be gentle with this because I know he hasn't been feeling great recently but I need to bring it up my main thought are there any reasons you guys can think of?
    shanskie718's Avatar
    shanskie718 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #6

    Feb 18, 2011, 11:12 AM
    I'm having the Same issue- he always says that me dominating is his fantasy and yet never actually wants to whenever I initiate...
    Please please help! We've talked about it (maturely) but the issue remains.
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
    Adult Sexuality Expert
    		  
    #7

    Feb 18, 2011, 12:55 PM

    I think it would be more effective to describe your problem in a new thread instead of resurrecting a thread that is a year and a half old.

    You will get our full attention and we won't be distracted by the previous discussion.
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